Winging It

So there I was a week or two ago, minding my own business, meditating during a pipe ceremony, enjoying the sounds of the river, when in front of my closed eyes hovered the indistinct form of a canine-ish head. As I tried to bring the image into sharper focus, wondering who it was, I got a different visual of various Egyptian gods, including Sekhmet, Horus, Thoth, and others parading past my inner sight. Suddenly the blurred form coalesced into the face of Anubis, the jackal-headed Egyptian god of death. 

"H-hi there! Can I help you with something?" I stuttered. 

"I'm here to teach you about your wings."

Now, wings have always been a theme with me, having lost count of the number of times I've drawn myself with wings in my comics and other projects, but those were all metaphorical... Right?!

About five years ago I had a reiki session with a friend. Everything was 'normal' until toward the end when I felt the distinct movement of wings unfolding from my back and spreading out like I was ready to take flight. It was actually a little startling and I had no intention of mentioning it to my friend afterwards - At least until she timidly asked if I'd experienced anything weird during the session. "You mean the thing with my wings?" "Oh thank God!" She sighed, laughing. "I thought I was going crazy!"

Fast forward a few years when I'd filed that memory under 'Interesting Curiosities' and had mostly forgotten it - That is until suddenly, in the course of doing 'normal' Soul Retrievals, I found myself directed to loosen clients' wings. Again, at first, I just thought it a curiosity, until it kept happening. Usually I get the sense that the person has wings tied down along their back and my guides instruct me to cut the bindings in order to free their wings. After it happened three times with three different clients, I started to realize this was a regular thing. I didn't know exactly what it meant or the significance of it, whether it were an energetic metaphor for the experience or there were a practical application, and my guides didn't really volunteer any details.

Then fast forward again to just a few weeks ago - I received a shamanic healing from my amazing shaman friend Kathy Murphy. Afterwards she told me that the Order of Melchizedek was working with me. I was familiar with the name, knowing I'd heard it growing up Catholic, but I didn't really know who he was or what it meant that he/they were working with me. I did some research to find out he was a priest (or a wizard according to some sources) upon whose work the Catholic, among others', priesthood is based. In fact, Jesus was said to be a priest in the order of Melchizedek.

By the way, speaking of priests... Funny story -- The priest who baptized me as a baby did so with the full conviction that I was to become a priest. My family line is bursting with holy people and it seemed I was destined to continue that tradition. So I grew up with that expectation in the back of my mind, even to the point that I memorized the priest's part of the mass as a kid. And after 16 years of Catholic school, I was seriously considering becoming a monk at the Benedictine monastery that was the backdrop of the college I attended. Then things happened that expanded my spiritual life beyond the Church, which ultimately led me to my shamanic calling and stepping into a different flavor of spiritual leadership.

So the weekend after my healing with Kathy I went to the river to do ceremony and to connect with Melchizedek to inquire about what this all meant and what we were supposed to do together. I set my intention and began to journey to the spirit realm, when Jeshua (Jesus) appeared. I hadn't actually talked with him for awhile so we chatted a bit, and then I said I had actually intended on meeting Melchizedek so we could talk. Then in the cheesiest, telemarketer voice you can imagine he says, "I will be your Order of Melchizedek representative for the day. How may I help you?" (People really have no idea about the crazy sense of humor he has!)

So we talked, and he told me that this was the fulfilment of the priesthood I was intended for from birth. I wasn't meant to be a Catholic priest, but, echoing the recent words of a psychic/medium friend, Jeshua said I was meant to bring the family line back to shamanism, full circle to where it began before Christianity was introduced to the holy people of my ancestry.

He then knelt in front of me, singing or chanting something that I couldn't understand, and he ceremoniously traced the symbol of the Sun Cross - A circle with a cross in the middle, dividing the circle into perfect quarters - on my chakras starting at the Third Eye and moving down to the Sacral. Then moving behind me, he started at the base of my spine moving up the chakras, ending with the Crown which he blew into. Then he settled back to a sitting position behind me and began fiddling with something in the middle of my shoulder blades.

"What are you doing?"

"Loosing your second set of wings."

"Second set of... Wha?!"

"Well yeah. Seraphim have three pair." I swear he chuckled, but admit that perhaps it was my mind that  added a "Duh!" at the end.

So here I was, two sets of wings with no idea of what to do with them or how to use them. Enter the Jackal... "I'm here to teach you about your wings."

"Your first set are pure white. They are what connect you to the Angelic Realm, particularly the Arch- Angels." This seemed self-explanatory and I was with him so far.

"Your second pair are those of the scarab. They connect you to the lower realms and are your vehicle for death and rebirth cycles, and regeneration. They are strong and hard and can be wrapped around you for protection, like the shell of the scarab beetle." I got the distinct feel of  'solid' wings - heavier construction and like a scarab's wings in Egyptian art versus a true scarab's wings. I also saw the colors black, gold, and red, shining almost metallically, reminding me of Falcon's wings from the Marvel Comics movies.

"And your third set..."

"...THIRD SET?!..."

"...connect you to the unseen realms of the earth plane, particularly the lands of the Fae. These resemble those of a Monarch Butterfly, but with the trailings of a Swallowtail." Rather than spreading out to the sides, I saw this set of wings extending backwards, almost perpendicular to the others.

And thus went my first flying lesson. I hope Anubis visits again soon to continue my education on how to use my wings, for my own good and that of my clients. I'm still not sure why he is the one in charge of this curriculum, but I guess the old excuse, "the dog ate my homework" is a moot point.

A Taste of My Own Medicine

A little over a week ago I experienced a major disruption and challenge to my confidence in my shamanic abilities. My fiancé Valerie and I were on our way to do a house-clearing for a new realtor acquaintance who had a house for sale that had a particularly strange and troublesome energy to it. I did some prep work, journeying to my guides to see what I would need in order to help clear and heal the energy of this space. I received such instructions as burning Lavender and Jasmine along with the usual Sage, to fill the space which was neutralized and cleared by the Sage with Calm and Beauty. Synchronistically, 4 Sisters Holistic Remedies, my local Apothecary and location of my personal office, had just gotten Jasmine in that day. I was also instructed to get a bar of Selenite which I was to break by dropping it onto the front walkway and then bury the pieces in the various directions of the property. This and the fact that Valerie just happened to have with her her special wand that she uses for healing and clearing, seemed to me to say we had a go from the spirits.

We swung by 4 Sisters for our supplies, joking about how our Saturday Night Date Night consisted of a house clearing as I sang the Bay City Rollers' Saturday Night, then headed on toward our destination. We briefly stopped for some dinner which we ate in the car in the parking lot. I turned on the radio for a little Classical dinner music. When I went to start the car about twenty minutes later I was shocked to be met with a rapid succession of clicks. "What the...?!" That should not have been enough time to have drained the car battery. 

Not thinking too much about it we called a friend who was there in about another twenty minutes to jump start us a get us on our way. We texted the realtor letting her know what happened and that we were on our way again. "This house really doesn't want you to show up!" She replied. "Pffff!" I thought and carried on. 

It was about fifteen minutes later, after resisting the GPS's directions to get on the freeway, we were driving through a residential area. I was on a straightaway with a series of crossroads that all had stop signs for the crossing traffic. As I approached one crossroad I slowed down because there was a motorcycle approaching the corner and I wasn't totally convinced he was going to stop. He did. His partner who came roaring out of nowhere in the night did not. All I saw was the blur of a headlight as he crashed into the front panel of our car, totaling it in the process. Fortunately we were both alright and the motorcyclist, though in obvious excruciating pain, suffered only a broken femur. 

The rest of the evening was a disjointed blur of police, paramedics, bikers hating on us even as we were sending reiki to their injured brother, and somewhere in all of it, our realtor friend found us and escorted us home, telling us of some of the other weird, paranormal occurrences that had centered around this house - things that had I known I might have reconsidered or at least called in my friend Kelly of Haunted Healings who is more experienced in this specific area. 

Still the questions abounded in my mind. Was the dead battery a sign from my guides to stop and go home? Why didn't I recognize it as a sign and check in again at that point? Why did my guides give me such specific instructions if I weren't meant to go? Why didn't they just tell me I wasn't meant to do this clearing? Did I actually hear the instructions earlier or did I just make them up? Was the 'accident' my guides preventing me from going or was it malevolent spirits of the house threatening me? Should I even be doing this work? Am I too naïve? Not good enough? Just fooling myself with all this shaman stuff?  

Then I remember the Goddess Isis' direct words to me during the graduation ceremony for the two-year teacher training I spent with Sandra Ingerman: "Your confusion is just a distraction. Let it go and step into your power."

 

So, to move through the confusion and questioning, upon arriving at the local metaphysical store where I do readings every other Monday, I pulled cards for myself to gain better clarity on the events of the past couple days... 

 

The first thing I see in this Medicine Wheel spread before getting into the context of each card is a particular pattern - Three upright cards horizontally, indicating to me emotional (West) and mental (East) stability. The earth (North) and fire (South) being reversed, held by the stabilizing factor of East and West, like wings, suggests to me shifts and changes - A deepening of experience rather than something wrong that needs to be corrected. This point is accentuated by Boar's place in the center, being kind of the Sentinel of Initiation. 

Heron in the East represents self-reliance, stillness, and looking into one's shadow - Which is exactly what I'm doing by just pulling these cards. Like Heron, my feet are embedded in the earth, yet I confidently stand above the emotional waves (water) to discern meaning by gazing into my own shadow, which is what Heron does - the fish being drawn to the coolness of his shade then providing him with his nourishment. 

Grandmother Spider in the West reminds me to drop into my heart where I know all things are connected. Ironically, there are no accidents and every occurrence carries purpose and meaning. No matter how chaotic, this is not a random event and I am still at the center of my reality. It is up to me as Heron to unravel the seemingly tangled threads of Grandmother's web, to decipher the lesson and gift of the "accident."

Again, Boar at the center of these two adds an extra depth to all of this, but I will get to that in a bit.

Turkey, reversed in the South, the place of fire which is passion and action - Or in this case inaction - speaks of  "Following your bliss," as Joseph Campbell says. Turkey is known as the 'give away bird' emboding the principle that you must see to your own well-being in order to share and see to the well-being of others. Being reversed in the South reminds me that unless my heart is in something, unless I feel a spark drawing me forward, do not take action. It must feed me as well as whomever I am working with, or it benefits no one. Then I am just a martyr. If it is not a win-win, mutual benefit, non-zero sum experience, then it is not for me to do. If it does not call to me then there is someone else who will benefit more by stepping into that role. 

Black Panther reversed in the North (Earth) directly opposite Turkey, echoes her message of heart as the director of my path while adding a more adventurous note to the meaning. Remember you are the sovereign of your life, and do only those things that empower you. Life is not a pyramidic hierarchy but a circle, so whatever empowers you empowers the whole circle. Embrace the unknown, celebrate the mystery, ally yourself with the darkness as the creative force it is, being the cosmic womb wherein all possible and probable realities are conceived. Most of all let go of structures, expectations, and especially obligations which nullify your power and deaden your energy. If there is no heart in it for you, there will be no heart in it for anyone else. You are in new territory and there are no structures to guide you, especially the constructs that got you to this point. Put your faith in the unseen and trust your unfolding.  Your path is being created even as you walk it. Feel the exhilaration of that creative force and the excitement of making it up as you go along.

And finally, in the Center anchoring all of these together is Boar, with whom I have a pretty intimate relationship, always carrying a boar's tusk in my pocket as a way to honor my 'Body Protector' spirit guide who is a boar. Boar is perhaps the fiercest animal on the planet, so fierce that a tiger would rather turn tail and run the other way than chance to tangle with him. Because of this, in multiple indigenous cultures world wide, it is the killing of a wild boar which is the rite of passage to adulthood. As the aforementioned Goddess Isis once said, "If you knew you were going to survive then it wouldn't be an initiation." Boar is about facing your fears, particularly fear of death.

As we grow we have fears that exist around the perimeter of our reality, like the old medieval maps that designate that in certain areas "Here be Dragons" - Areas always on the very edge of explored territory. This is Boar's realm, and through those fears - such things as not crossing the street unless you're holding the hand of an adult - keep us safe, holding a space for us like a seed casing which allows us, as the inner part of the seed, to develop in an appropriate and protected area. In this way Boar is actually a Guardian. 

At some point the seed has to burst through that same seed casing if it's going to survive, and so it is with us in facing that barrier between the familiar of childhood and the unknown of adulthood. We have to face those fears and recognize them for what they are - artificial constructs - if we are going to grow and evolve. So we face Boar, who embodies our fear on the very edge of our comfort zones, and despite possibly shaking in our boots, we reclaim our personal power realizing that those fears have no power other than that which we give them, and, as we stand our ground, those fears become the seed of courage. And, like the illusions they are, those fears fade in the light of our truth. At this point Boar shifts from Guardian to Gate Keeper, making sure we have truly evolved with the necessary skill set and consciousness to move beyond the known into the unknown (Remember Black Panther from above?) before we are allowed to pass.

So this entire 'non-accident' was that initiation for me, passing from one comfortable realm to a more expansive unknown realm, and I can honestly say that I have grown from the experience. My trust in the Universe and my protection in it has deepened, along with my faith in the unfolding of my path and the miracles that support it. Everything from the speeds of the vehicles to the timing and positions where we collided, and everything that got us to that place in space and time was perfect for the outcome we experienced. Had anything been off by just a fraction of a second, the results could have been horrendously worse. The next day after the non-accident I received a text from a dear friend telling us she'd just bought a new car six months ago and had been holding onto her previous one, which was still in great shape, to give to someone who needed it. ...to GIVE to someone who needed it! Within a day, Valerie miraculously had a new car. And, if possible, she and I bonded even deeper with each other, facing a life threatening event together with a new sense of mutual love and support.

So my lesson is something that I am constantly telling others - Follow your passions. Do what brings you joy, what feeds and lights you up, and by so doing you benefit everyone around you. I need to focus my energies on doing just the things that call to me. Just because, as a Shaman, I can do things such as house and energy clearings, doesn't mean I have to, or should, do them. If I spread myself too thin out of a sense of duty or expectations, I unnecessarily expend energy, my energy, depleting and dispersing my reserves rather than tapping into the inexhaustible Universal flow of energy, which is that feeling of upliftment and excitement, that then carries me - And because I'm tapped into that Universal energy and allowing it to flow through me to heal the world, it also heals me. Win-win, non-zero sum, mutual well-being.  

A taste of my own Medicine.

Somewhere Over the Whirling Rainbow

A couple weeks ago, on a seemingly random thought, I googled someone I considered one of my greatest teachers. She has been a teacher to me through my spiritual life since the 80s when I got my first deck of Medicine Cards, the cards that thirty-some years and countless decks later have become the backbone of my own shamanic business as I do readings for clients to connect them to the wisdom of the Animal Spirit Guides. Then I discovered her other deck, the Sacred Path Cards, which touched me even deeper, and it was through that deck, and reading her book Dancing the Dream, that Jamie Sams became a North Star for me. The power that I felt coming through her words and teachings always soothed me back to my center and realigned the bearings of my own compass.

Lately I've found myself again looking to her for guidance and as a voice of authority. With the overdue rise in awareness around Black, Indigenous, and People Of Color rights finally coming to to the forefront of mainstream culture in a needed wave of change in consciousness has also come a subject that I still wrestle with with mixed feelings and self doubts - Cultural Appropriation. I won't go into the ins and outs of that right now because that's not what this post is about, but as a nonindigenous Shaman this has been a tricky subject for me and has fueled much soul searching and prayers. And it has been Jamie Sams who has provided many 'Golden Lasso moments'* for me, particularly through her writings about the Whirling Rainbow Prophecy.

So it was that this seemingly random thought occurred to me. In the past months since the pandemic started I had fulfilled a couple of long-held wishes, being able to finally take classes directly with two others who have been great inspirational teachers to me, Lisa Williams the renowned psychic/medium and Martha Beck the regular Oprah guest, life coach, and author. All of a sudden it hit me, "What if I could take a class with Jamie Sams?!" And so I excitedly googled away, searching for any kind of current calendar of appearances or classes that might allow me to connect with this woman who had so influenced my life. 

News was scarce and redundant, and I was starting to get frustrated when I breached a source of previously unread information. My heart dropped. Jamie Sams had actually just died the previous month in December of 2020. It hit me harder than I would have thought, tears rolling down my cheeks, my breath coming in incontrollable sobs. I had entered full blown grieving for someone I hadn't actually known, but the loss was felt as surely as the death of my father 5 years ago, or the two teary farewells of my beloved feline companions. 

In our nightly, bedtime video call I tried to express my feelings to Valerie, my fiancé, and her first question was, "So, did you connect with her then?" "...Oh yeah! That's right! I'm a shaman! I can do that!!"

Fittingly it was Imbolc night, February 2nd, the first day of Spring on the Celtic calendar, when I did connect. I was in the middle of a pipe ceremony for myself and, feeling perfectly appropriate considering the situation, I humbly asked her to come smoke with me. Instantaneously, to my surprise, she was there, sitting opposite me wrapped in what looked like a blanket of gold out of a Klimt painting and with feathers in her hair, grinning across my little altar at me. With tears in my eyes I started telling her how much I appreciated her and how much she'd influenced me and how I wished I'd gotten to meet her in person and... And she stopped me with a smile and said, "I know who you are my dear brother, and I am grateful for the work you do and the presence you bring to the world."

I think I kind of stuttered then, asking how she could possibly know me - Shades of Charles Schulz appearing to me in a meditation and my questioning the seeming convenience of such an encounter. "That's how the Universe works, on resonant frequencies. The fact that you resonated with my teachings means we have always been connected. Maybe not consciously until I was in spirit, but I do know you now."

I'd been crying pretty much this entire time, and as she fell silent we just sat there for a few moments until the silence weighed on me and I uncomfortably blurted out, "I feel like I should say or do something more to honor you..." Again she stopped my stream of thought with a smile. "Your presence is enough." And feeling my resistance she repeated her words... Twice.  "Your presence is enough... Your... presence... is... enough..." Smile. Always that enchanting smile. 

So we sat in silence for quite a while. when a thought floated into my mind. "Will you give me a blessing? Please?"

"Of course! It is with deepest gratitude that I celebrate and honor your work in the world and the presence of light you bring to it. I am blessed by your journey, continuing forward with the seeds I have planted. I am always with you."

Sometimes it is difficult for me to share such things, at the risk of sounding boastful in a 'look how special I am' kind of way. But that is not the spirit in which I report these things. Long ago I made a commitment to White Buffalo Calf Woman during a vision quest to share my path. As I come to terms with so many aspects, changes, and revelations along the way of my growth and unfolding, experiences such as this serve only to humble me. "Holy crap! That happened to me?!"   

And so I end this small tribute with more tears and widening cracks in my breaking heart, as well as with a video from a weekly Sacred Pipe Ceremony that I do, this particular one including a tribute to Jamie Sams. Deepest gratitude to you my beautiful Rainbow teacher. Aho Mitakuye Oyasin. 

   

* "Golden Lasso moments" refers to a scene in a JLA graphic novel entitled A League of One where Wonder Woman, to assure her integrity and accountability, places her golden lasso of Truth around her own neck.

Bear With Me

Lately I have noticed a certain pattern unfolding in my spiritual life and journeys. It actually started a while back but since then has seemed to have gained momentum as time progresses. One night, maybe a year and a half or so ago, during a Sacred Pipe ceremony I became aware of a great brown bear spirit sitting next to me. 

Now my connection with Bear goes way back, having been raised on television shows such as Gentle Ben and Grizzly Adams, and having actually seen a black bear come out of the Minnesota woods while camping with my family as a kid... 

"Hey Dad! Look at that big dog!"

"...That's ...not a dog."

And so here I was about a year and a half ago, performing a sacred pipe ceremony when I became aware of this large, brown bear sitting next to me in spirit. I hadn't been aware of any specific Bear spirit guides or totems, usually chalking up any appearance of bears in my experiences to the presence of Artemis, my Matron Goddess, whose personal totem is Bear, and whose actual name, at least the "Art" part, means "Bear." This time seemed different, though, so I had to ask who she was and why she had appeared. "I am a totem - not personally yours but inherited from your ancestors." I hadn't really ever thought about hereditary totems before, totems being passed down through the generations, but that made sense. Not only are our ancestors literally present in our very blood, but also the accompanying totem animals that guided the clans and tribes of our grandmothers and grandfathers. For as long as I have been on this spiritual path, I still get as giddy as a school boy when I get to learn new things!

Then about nine months ago, after pretty much forgetting about her, during another pipe ceremony, I suddenly saw the huge top view of a bear head filling my inner vision. Again I asked who she was and why she had come. "You called me. I am your Grand Mother -- The grandmother of your grandmothers." It took me a minute to remember that I had actually called to her in the previous months, wanting to know my ancestor's ancestors and my grandmothers' grandmother, then instantly feeling embarrassed thinking about how vast the roots of my family tree were and wondering how there could be only one grandmother. "Duh!" Bear was THE Grand Mother. She was the first Great Mother Goddess worshipped by humanity, as evidenced by her skull and bones buried along with the humans in the oldest known burial graves. My conversation with her is still ongoing, which, translated, means I keep asking for more information and she keeps telling me to rest. I drew a comic about our initial meeting that you can read on my Drawing Breath Comic blog. 

In a previous post in this blog (Bearing It Well) I spoke about my experiences with the great Ponca chief, Standing Bear, how he replaced Siting Bull as one of my guides and how he has worked with me, so I won't recount that here. Suffice it to say he has helped me to regain my bearings (teehee!).

This past August I was doing pipe ceremony on the river with my fiance, Valerie, when another Native American chief appeared to me. I wasn't sure if he were a local Ancestor of the Land or from somewhere else, but his first words to me were, "You do us proud." I asked who he was and I got the name "Skinny Bear" with the sense that "skinny" was meant as in starving. As I drove home Valerie googled him and couldn't find anything about a Skinny Bear, but interestingly there was a "Lean Bear" who was also sometimes known as "Starving Bear." This Lean Bear was a Cheyenne Peace Chief in the 1860s and a member of the Council of  Forty-four, which was a tribal council devoted to maintaining peace with the encroaching white settlers. 

I returned to the river that evening to smoke with Lean Bear, to reconnect with him and basically find out if he were showing up as a guide for me or just stopping by. He replied that he had come to work with me because of the resonance between us as peaceful warriors, and to help me as a negotiator of Peace between seemingly opposing peoples. I saw in this too, along with his first words to me, a hint of my path in the near future - a path that had recently come to light through the guidance of a dear shaman friend, but which I will await another time and post to elaborate on. He did, however, further validate that path at our next meeting.

At the little beach on the river where I'd been doing my pipe ceremonies, I kept getting a vision of a stone Medicine Wheel there. Finally I just went ahead, collected all the necessary river stones, and laid out a small medicine wheel in the sand. Once I completed it and smoked at it, Lean Bear came through and thanked me for following through on the vision I'd been given, saying that these traditions are meant for all people. Those that hold to the specific traditions are not wrong, but neither are they totally right. Traditions are meant to change, evolve, and expand. They are to be shared. When clung to exclusively, for the sake of the tradition, the value of the individual person suffers. The traditions and objects, such as the Medicine Wheel, are filters or lenses through which to connect to the Divine with the human heart. The power is in each individual, not the tradition or object. The point is to move into the awareness of being one people, one tribe. The ways should be shared and taught to bring people together rather than another excuse for separation and division. Then he thanked me for being part of that healing force by respecting and honoring the old ways at the same time I adapt them to fit today's people.  

Through all of this my focus has been on being the bridge of peace and unity between people and things in the outside world. So in the last couple weeks Lean Bear came to me to help me focus on settling my inner battles and becoming a united front within myself. This is still an ongoing process but I have been making great strides which have reflected in my inner and outer worlds significantly. 

It just fascinates me, the patterns that unfold and the threads that flow and intertwine through my life, particularly when it involves an animal, and I am able to at least partially decode some of the underlying currents of influence that run beneath the surface, breaching into the light of day in form or name, and then submerging deep until the next appropriate moment to resurface. Bear is one of those influencers on my unfolding path, and I am so grateful to finally be able to recognize and appreciate her for all she does for me - My dear Grand Mother!