Service Animal Spirit Guidance For The Changing World

I put together a list of 13 Animal Spirit Guides and how they can help us through this time of the pandemic as the world turns topsy-turvy. It is not a complete list by any means of the spiritual guidance, animal and otherwise, out there to help us thrive in these changing times, but these are a few of the ones I've personally worked with that have helped me, and who had specific attributes to face things that people are experiencing at this time. They can help steady our shaky steps and smooth the bumpy ride into a new reality.  

Call upon them as you would a friend or a loved one. Find a place and time when you can sit in silence. Imagine yourself surrounded by white light. Call in one, or more, of the appropriate guides and ask them for their strength and their wisdom. You can ask specific questions such as, "What is my next step to get through this?" or "Can you show me this situation from your perspective?" You may receive words, or images, or feelings. You may also notice nothing, but trust that you have been heard and help is on the way. Perhaps they will answer your questions in a dream or a in sudden flash of inspiration when the timing is right. Thank your Animal Spirit Guides for their help, imagine the white light dispersing, then return fully to your body and continue with your day, knowing that what you need will unfold in the coming days.

You can also simply call on them as you feel the need through out your day when you start to feel wobbly or in doubt. They are here to serve and guide us, and their method is always Love.

SNAKE: Shedding the Old. You are literally outgrowing your old reality. As snake sheds his skin, we are shedding the ways of life that no longer fit or support us. The old world is ripping to shreds, leaving us uncomfortably itchy and unsupported, and the new world has not solidified, like the soft and tender new skin. You are more sensitive right now, so nurture yourself. Know that the old skin would not be falling apart if the new skin were not pushing through to replace it even bigger and better than before. Also, while shedding Snake is blind, his eyes being part of the old skin. This is a time of retreating, nurturing, and building faith, knowing there are no accidents and that there is purpose to all of this. 

VULTURE: Sterilization. Clean up your space and your mind. Let Vulture consume what is dead and decaying in your life, the clutter of things and thoughts that support dis-ease in your life and prevent you from moving into your power and best life. Vulture sterilizes the environment to make it safe for other life to thrive. Raise your wings to the Sun and let what is toxic in your life be burned away by the light of Truth of who you truly are. All is well in your world.

BAT: Rebirth/Initiation. When the world turns upside down, it's time to shift perspectives. Cling to the ceiling of the cave rather than the floor in order see things differently, and in ways you never imagined. Know that no matter how scary, there is purpose in every change. Use this time in darkness and stillness to see with more than your eyes. Reach out with your feelings and intuition and trust what you receive from your non-physical senses. The cave is the womb of the Cosmic Mother. You are about to be reborn.

BUTTERFLY: Transformation. We are crossing a threshold where life will never be the same. Scary, right? But if you as Caterpillar knew you were destined to become more than you are now, to be given wings to fly rather than being stuck to a single branch, to become Butterfly, would you be afraid? Right now you are in the cocoon. As Caterpillar you are being broken down into genetic soup and your very DNA rearranged. There is nothing solid to hold onto, including your very identity and essence. Surrender to the process. There is purpose and you are meant for greater things. Don't be afraid. You were born for this.

DUCK: Calm. When the currents get too rough, fly to calmer waters. Float above the waters, the emotions, by finding those activities, or inactivities, that help you feel calm and centered. Take a break from the world, from the news, from the things that hold you down and unable to breathe, and nurture yourself. When you know you can swim, and naturally float on the water, none of the emotional turbulence can hold you down or overwhelm you. You can let it all roll off your back. 

TASMANIAN DEVIL: Appropriate Aggression. There is nothing in this world that can stand in the way of your purpose here on earth. Nothing. Even if you are sick, Tasmanian Devil can help you find the will to live, the will to heal, the will to break down any obstacles that stand between you and your purpose. It is various unrecognized and unfelt emotions such as anger and fear that can stand in the way of your health and well-being, and Tasmanian Devil can help swirl those into a tornado, utilizing their power constructively to burst through anything holding you back from living your best life.

FROG: Cleanse. Take a salt bath. Nurture yourself and release anything from your life that is toxic. Take a shower and as the waters rush over you, allow them to not only wash away the physical grime, but the emotional and mental grime that keeps you feeling small and worthless. Consciously introduce those things into your life and environment that feed you, nourish you, and make you feel whole and centered. Any thoughts and fears that make you feel small or worthless are intrinsically untrue. Practice through affirmations replacing those toxic, belittling thoughts with thoughts and words that validate and reinforce the Divine Being you truly are. By thus becoming your purer self you clear your channel to Spirit, and open your voice to be added to the chorus of the world.

BLUE HERON: Self Reflection. This time of stillness is a gift. Rise like Heron over the waters of emotion, and look at yourself. It is the coolness of his shadow that draws the fish to him, so it is by looking at his reflection that Heron is able to feed himself. If you are flopping around in the water you are stirring up the mud and scaring the fish. Let Heron lift you on his long legs above the waters, your stillness allowing the waters to still and clear, and give you the perspective to observe yourself without judgement or attachment, giving yourself the power to move on and change, and to find those tidbits that only make you stronger.  Be still and observe. Sit with your feelings and allow them to abate. You are a Divine Being, part of the same source energy as everyone and everything else. There is nothing in your shadow to fear.

DOLPHIN: Breathe. Like Dolphin you are a creature of two worlds -- Think of Air as Spirit and Water as the World. It is the air/spirit inside of you that allows you to swim the the water/world, so use this time where things are shut down on the outside and venture into your inside. Explore meditation. Find your rhythm of surfacing into Spirit, taking a deep breath, then diving again, allowing that spirit to infuse you as you navigate the depths of this world. You might find yourself smiling more, and you may approach things more playfully. Breathe. Trust the ebb and flow.

COYOTE: Laugh/Play.  In times such as these, humor is especially vital. Constant fear and anxiety take their toll on your system and laughter reverses all those effects. It brings fresh, restorative energy to you, body and soul, and a place of renewed mental clarity with which to better access your circumstances and move forward effectively. Look at things through the eyes of your inner child. Find ways to play. Turn even your challenges into a game and you might find new and creative ways to remedy them. Find things to laugh about. If you don't, Coyote will bound after you, nipping at your ankles, possibly even tripping you up, to make you pause and laugh at yourself.

PELICAN: Resilience. Joy is your natural state of being. Love is who you are. You are intrinsically a high frequency being. Your spirit is buoyant and, like Pelican, no matter how deep you dive into the world, you will always rise back to the surface. Your soul is like a beach ball. It actually takes energy and effort to hold it down because it's natural inclination is to ascend. It is when we relinquish control and let go of the things that hold us down - our thoughts and worries and fears - that we naturally rise above it all. Surrender to who you truly are. Know that you are already whole. You are an eternal being in an impermanent world. This too shall pass..

BLACK PANTHER: Embrace the Unknown. The dark is but the womb of the Cosmic Mother. In the dark all possible realities exist and the Universe is waiting for you to make a decision on what future you desire. With hear dark, shimmering coat Black Panther is the reflection of the night sky - the microcosm of the macrocosm. As above, so below. Set your intention of the reality you wish to create then move confidently in that direction knowing that the Universe has your back and reflects your desires. It is a great hologram where every piece contains the whole, so within you exists the entire universe. The answers are literally within you. There is nothing in the dark to fear.

OWL: Seeing with the Heart. There is a reason Athena, the Goddess of Justice, has Owl as her totem. Owl's eyesight is as good as Eagle's, but she sees in the dark. Owl brings the ability to see with the heart and cut through the smoke and mirror illusions of this world. She can help navigate through the unknown and the uncertainties of the world, aiding in connecting with your own heart to see the rampant fears and anxieties for the illusions they are. Even when everything is dark around you, she will guide you from love rather than fear. And she is fierce, a winged-tiger. Be bold. Trust your heart. 

Belly of the Beast

It is a curious time for me. Curiouser and curiouser. It is the best of times, it is the worst of times. There have been so many shifts lately that there is no single area of my life that has remained unchanged. 

I have touched on the most significant development in earlier posts, and that is the re-recognition of myself as an introvert. The magnitude of what that means is way outside the scope of this entry, being a whole entire post, or twenty, unto its self, but it changes everything.  The effects of it has been to drive me deeper into myself. Run silent, run deep. 

I have long felt like I am skipping across the surface of my life like a stone across a pond. There is all this depth beneath me, holding me up, yet I am stuck glancing off the very top of it.  That's not to say my life is totally superficial or that my path hasn't been in steady development for the duration of my lifetime thus far. In fact I had a great compliment from a former teacher recently who told me how much my medicine had deepened.  Comparatively, though, there is so much more! It's like the difference between Newtonian and Quantum Physics. When the basic parameters of reality itself shifts, you suddenly realize that everything you've ever known, believed, and experienced exists within an even bigger framework, and that there are other basic forces beneath and supporting what you had, up to that point, believed were the basic forces of creation in the Universe. It's like something that's two-dimensional suddenly being given a third dimension.  I don't know if that even makes sense. There is a futility of words to explain all of this. Another analogy is that it's like having a book on your shelf that brings you joy by it's simply being there -- maybe the cover is beautiful or the title speaks to your soul -- yet you haven't actually read it. You might know what it's about in essence, and sense its depth, which perhaps does make you feel a little bit good when you see it on the shelf, but that is nothing compared to the worlds you will discover when you finally dive into it's pages. 

What it really comes down to is the difference between knowing something and being something.  It is the difference between having tools and using tools.  It is taking all the things I've learned on this path and applying them. It is the journey from the Mind to the Heart.  

Regardless, I can not describe the hungry, gnawing, cravings I have lived with, longing for that depth for so long,  nor the frustration and despair that has developed around the failure to heed that call, no matter what the seeming obstacle was -- Knowing there was more but not knowing how to reach it.  

Gratefully clarity has slowly crept in and, though I do not know the way yet, I do not know more than the first few steps, I know there is a journey I can not not undertake.  Everything in my life has led me to this point, standing at this crossroads, ready to embrace everything I have come into this life to do, to experience, to be.  And again words fail to express what I'm truly trying to say here or to express how I truly feel.

A little over a year ago, I had an experience at Faerieworlds, the annual faerie festival I attend in Oregon.  I was just dancing with the rest of the crowd to a Pagan rock band when I suddenly had to stop.  Full brakes.  As in, I couldn't move. It was like my head had exploded in a burst of light. Boom! Crown chakra and third eye blown wide open. And in that moment I felt/experienced him/me that I came here to be.  I don't want to say there was a sense of urgency, but it became very clear that it was time to let go of all the things I hold onto that restrict me and keep me back from realizing that True Self.  When I came back to my senses and back to the present me, I carefully waded out of the crowd and made my way to the stone circle that stood in the middle of the site.  Not caring who was around or what they might think, I unceremoniously plopped myself down on the ground at the center of the circle where I laid back with my arms spread from my sides and my knees in the air with my feet planted firmly on the earth.  I laid there, and laid there, and laid there looking up at the stars and at Cassiopeia who smiled back down upon me.   

And so this is my course.  I have been given a glimpse of my destination, for this juncture of my Earth Walk anyway.  But this past year has been full of practice runs and gathering resources because I wasn't sure where the trailhead was.  It wasn't until my reintroduction to my introvert nature that I discovered the entrance to the trail.  I'd been living a two-dimensional life, and the third dimension was within.

Since that time I have been left with a mental visual of standing next to a great sea, velvety black, and thick almost like molasses, and sparkling with the light of it's own stars.  I am on the very edge, the gentle waves just kissing my toes, and there is a longing deep in my heart to enter those dark waters, a calling of the Sirens, a home-sickness, and I muse that I know about the Unicorn in my soul, but perhaps there is Selkie in my blood as well.

And I know exactly what sea it is.  For many, many years now I've developed my ever-deepening Personal Mythology, a big part of which is my Soul Map, one version-in-progess of which is below.  The inspiration came from a college assignment given to my ex-wife, and my map has been growing and changing and developing ever since, matching metaphorically my own spiritual growth and development. 

My Soul Map

A cartographic representation of my developing soul 

Just to give you an example, there is a mountain in the middle of my island -- bearing remarkable and uncanny resemblances to Mt. Rainier -- called Mt. "Sai Phong," which loosely translates as "Little Phoenix," named for the legends that say it is a volcano with a phoenix sleeping deep inside (as well as for the fact that it was Bruce Lee's Chinese birth name).  The locals are prideful of their Mountain and it's dormant resident, while at the same time they live in fear of the destruction that would ensue should that power ever be released, should the phoenix ever awaken. This story perfectly suited my state of mind when I first moved out to Seattle from Minnesota, recognizing this great power within me, but afraid of unleashing it.  As I've grown through the years, doing much work to step into and own my power, a funny thing has happened to this mountain in the middle of my soul.  It was discovered that this was not a volcano, nor was it even a mountain of stone, but rather it was a mountain of ice, and the ice had begun to melt.  This water had been frozen to protect the heart of the island, but it was starting to flow. Something was awakening, and it was the heart -- And it did not need protecting. Oh, there were and are occasionally floods of the surrounding lands, but for the most part these waters have begun to irrigate and nurture parts of the island, parts of my soul, that were barren and dry, resulting in dense greenery where none had grown,  and more bountiful harvests for the surrounding agricultural communities.

Soul Map insert 

close up of Mt Sai Phong and the N. Adequa Sea

So if you look on the map above, a little northeast of Mt. Sai Phong (toward the bottom of the island on the map) is a swirling body of water. This is the infamous N. Adequa Sea (Inadequacy -- get it?) and it is a dangerous place to be caught on, for without  pattern or warning the entire surface can just drop away, swirling into a massive maelstrom which carries with it to its briny bottom, anything caught in the inescapable clutches of its currents.

This 'flushing' action was a daily, if not hourly, occurrence in the days (and years) of my panic attacks and depression, when every shred of strength and stability I'd mustered would fall away, like the proverbial rug being pulled out, with the bottom of my stomach sinking suddenly to the floor at my feet, leaving me with no solid footing or sense of power whatsoever.  Granted, in the subsequent years the waters have calmed considerably.  There have been storms and whirl pools of varying depths, but generally nothing like the great maelstroms of previous times.  

It had long been theorized by scientists that there must be some sort of valve at the bottom of the sea which, when triggered, would empty the sea's contents into the greater ocean.  There were also legends of a great serpent who lived at the bottom of the briny deep, and it was said it was he who either controlled the aforementioned valve, or actually created the swirling doom by agitatedly swimming in circles beneath the waves.  

More recent discoveries have proven the latter legend half true.  There is a serpent, but he does not live in the sea.  It is the sea that lives in the serpent.  Beneath the surface of the island there is a tremendous serpent whose wide open mouth, pointing to the heavens forms the perimeters of this sea.  And it is when the serpent swallows that the surface of the sea plunges to unfathomable depths, into the belly of the beast. 

There is a stone circle that skirts the edge of the sea, and up til now archeologists believed it to be a sacred site built by an unknown ancient people, perhaps as a warning to anyone who would unwittingly try these treacherous waters, or as a place of worship, honoring the spirit of the great serpent who dwelt beneath the waves. With this new information coming to light, however, it has become clear that the stones forming the circle are in fact the teeth of the behemoth. 

I find it interesting that as I'm realizing the depths of my connection with Snake and his inherent gifts and challenges -- transmuting poison to medicine, shedding the old to expand into the new, etc -- that I discover another serpent in my personal mythos. 

I had always assumed that the goal was to calm the waters and prevent the occurrence of crises, to prevent the great maelstroms and storms of inadequacies, thinking that this would make me stable and safe.  I thought I had to tame the seas and thus would I regain my power.  In more recent years as a whole new outlook has taken hold of my reality and I can no longer view things in a dualistic manner, I realize more and more that this is not the answer.  The answer is not in avoiding something and trying to control it from afar, but it is in diving in and finding the Truth at the basis of those things that drain my sense of power.  Intellectually I know there is no truth beneath the feelings of inadequacy I've felt all my life -- The feelings are valid but the thought and reasons behind those feelings are untrue. To regain my power, to become the man I came here to be,  those unexamined fears that are the source of such fallacies must be faced. I am no longer interested in battling or slaying my demons.  They are simply unintegrated portions of myself that must be welcomed, in balance and compassion, back into the whole.  Easily said, but the fears are still there.  That is where the adventure comes in.  

In the back of my mind is that guided meditation I experienced years ago when the sea turtle I was riding chose to dive rather than to return me to shore as the meditation facilitator had prompted.  Deeper and deeper into darker and darker waters I plunged, perched on the shell of my aquatic steed.  And somewhere in the pitch blackness, amid my rising fear and anxiety, I heard the voice of Goddess, "What could possibly be here that isn't me?" 

And so I stand poised at the edge of the churning, dark waves.  What lies beneath them I can not imagine. All I know is that I can no longer resist the siren song of my soul.  There is nothing now to hold me back.  I must answer. I must plunge into the belly of the beast for what could possibly be there that isn't me?

Higher Asp-Irations

For awhile now, there has been someone skulking around in the shadows at the corner of my consciousness. Well, not skulking so much as slithering.  I have been an admirer from afar, and felt a kinship and connection, but have never really owned that.  Recent events, however, have brought that full in my face (literally -- but I'll get to that) and I've had to acknowledge the place Snake has in my power animal pantheon.

I've always liked snakes and remember playing for endless hours with the garter snakes at my cousins' house as a kid. At one point I even drew up the blue-prints for an enclosure so I could bring one home with me (luckily for the snakes it never got past the planning stage).

Though I've never had a live snake, I do have a snake skin that I feel was a gift from the Snake Spirits.  It was a couple years ago and I was at this local Pagan ritual.  As I was walking past some underbrush I heard a rustling sound, and catching a glimpse of movement out of the corner of my eye, I quickly turned my gaze upon it, expecting to see one of the many rabbits that populate this area.  To my surprise I saw a snake, smoothly sliding out of sight into the tall grasses, and in his wake, a glistening complete sheath of his former self.  Holy crap! I had just witnessed one of the most amazing, and magickal, occurrences in the animal kingdom!

Then came the question: Do I take it?  I've had mixed feelings through the years about keeping various animal parts, particularly when it came to dead animals (something I have, since then, resolved), but then I realized that this wasn't a dead animal and in fact was not very different from the feathers I collected -- each one a gift and message from that particular bird.  This was basically a gift and message from Snake -- a snake feather!

Actually, what prompted me to finally write this entry today is that, last night I dreamed I found two snake skins.  The weird, and admittedly a bit creepy, thing was that when I picked up the second one, I realized the snake was still in it. The skin was totally loose and unattached, but the snake was still moving through it -- kind of like one of those gel-filled tube toys that you can endlessly slip through your hands because it keeps rolling and turning back into itself.  Not sure how good an explanation that is, but hopefully you know what I'm talking about. :)

Almost exactly one year ago, I had a huge encounter with Snake in a dream, which then manifested in my purchasing a beautiful, 3-way drone flute in the shape of a snake.  Since that was an entire blog post of its own, I will let you read it here if you are interested, rather than re-telling that tale. :)

So this past summer I've taken a couple shamanic classes that have influenced and deepened my relationship with Snake.  The first class was the basic class from the Foundation for Shamanic Studies, the organization created by Michael Harner who basically brought Core Shamanism to the main stream western world. We were learning about Power Animals, and the teacher explained them differently than I had ever heard them explained before. I just thought they were like guardian angels, just watching over you and guiding you, etc. But when they say Power Animals they really mean "Power" Animals.  They are the ones that help us plug in to the power of the Universe, and help that power to flow to and through us, maintaining our well being.  She told us they were like transformers, taking the vast power of the cosmos, which would totally wipe out our circuitry, and bring it down to a level that our systems can handle.  Me, being who I am, when I heard our Power Animals were transformers, could only picture Nathaniel, my reindeer, transforming into a Delorean -- As one friend put it, "Totems in disguise!"

Anyway, we then learned to do Power Animal Retrievals, to reconnect someone with a power animal they had lost or were disconnected from, which we performed on a partner in the class, and the animal who was retrieved for me? Snake!

When my partner journeyed to find my power animal, she actually almost stepped on him.  "Oh sorry! Ok! Now where's this power animal I'm looking for!" She finally realized Snake was the one, and he showed himself to her three more times (an agreed upon demonstration to signify that this is the power animal you're looking for).  The final time that he appeared (and when I heard this I just nodded my head and said, "Yep. He's gotta be one of mine.") he was driving a car -- a Ford Fairlaine my partner thought -- and saying, "This is a different reality, baby!"

A week after the Foundation class, I went to Portland for another shamanic class taught by a well-known author/teacher who focuses on Celtic Shamanism.  Now the Celts did not believe our essence or spirit resided in our hearts, like the general consensus seems to believe today.  They thought the head was the receptacle for one's essence and power, and thus the Celts would take the heads of their enemies.  So the exercise was to do a dismemberment journey (a process where during a journey one's guides dismember you and then put you back together in a clearing and transformative way) only it was to be a partial dismemberment, asking our guides to just take our head and to doctor it up into a power object.

In my journey I met Nathaniel, and I think before I could even ask, I saw him cock his head to the left, and with one fell swoop of his antlers, off came my head.  It was one of the oddest sights, seeing a reindeer pick up and carry my head by the hair.  He set it on a big rock, and then, as I watched out of my own eyes again, Nathaniel took one more swipe with his antlers, and split my head open, exposing my brain. (Perhaps at this point I should interject that there is no blood or pain, for those of you over there cringing in the corner.  ...sorry) The next thing I saw was this huge cobra-ish snake coming right for my head with opened mouth and brandished fangs. He sank one fang into each hemisphere of my brain.  I don't remember actually being put back together, but then as I heard the call-back signal on the teacher's drum, I turned to Nathaniel to say good-bye, and was shocked by what I saw. "Nathaniel! Where are your antlers?!" "On your head, duh!" I sort of lolled my head back and forth and felt the extra heft of them. "Oh my god! That is so cool! Thank you!" Nathaniel just sort of smiled and loped off as I returned to the room where I lay.

The timing of all this has not been lost on me.  Everything that is happening in my life right now (and particularly over the last 9 or so months...) is pointing me toward a HUGE rebirth.  Everything I thought I knew no longer holds sway.  I am having to let go, release, and surrender everything I thought I was, or thought I had.  It's been a painful exfoliation experience, out-growing my old skin and letting the things that are no longer, or never were, true peel away, leaving a tender and not fully hardened skin exposed to the world. Snake shedding it's skin.  And add to that the alchemy of transforming the poisonous venom into healing medicine -- That all these changes and experiences, painful as they may or may not be, are all purposeful and hold at their root that which is necessary to heal myself and the world. 

What better example of this transformation than my aforementioned journey where big, beautiful antlers, like the branches of a tree reaching up and opening receptively to the sky -- to Spirit -- sprout from the same spots where the snake's venom was injected into my head. 

And as I'm still processing all of this information and allowing it to integrate into my system, I'm preparing for another huge transformation. Two weeks from today I begin a 5-day intensive training in Soul Retrieval with the woman who literally wrote the book on the subject.  As I just start to think about it, the tears well up, and all I know is that something big is in the makings.  BIG.  Big, big medicine.

"This is a different reality baby!"

Caterpillar Soup

Things have been different lately. Really different.  So much so that even at Faerieworlds a couple weeks ago, the one place and time of year I feel I can be my most uninhibited true self, a friend mentioned I didn't seem like myself.  Crap! I didn't know it was that obvious...

Something has been building since at least my last birthday in October -- "at least" because it has actually been hanging around for longer than I care to remember. But October was the first time it showed its face in a unified, organized feeling-- a feeling still difficult to describe.  It's sort of a dark heaviness that threatens to burst forth from my, seemingly permanently, restricted diaphragm. It actually started with a dream that has expanded into only what I can call visions (and vague remembrances of similar visions from childhood).  The main component of all these things, that have since blended together, is seeing the earth as smaller (like from a distance?), seeing a snow covered continent -- or just a 'finger' of land -- with an accompanying fear of either falling off of or of missing the earth.  Then I find myself trudging through the snow, in the cold darkness, alone and feeling like I'm either in the wrong place and not suppose to be there, or at the very least am not happy about my presence there.  It is hard to describe or to express the tendrils of emotions all wrapped together in this and how uncomfortable, confusing, and frightening it has been.  I had kind of managed to move beyond the vision part of these feelings until recently when I started watching a TV show about ancient aliens, and the multitude of images of the earth from space drew those right back in front of my face. 

I don't think I had really, at least consciously, been suppressing these things but was more the case that I didn't know what to do with them or how to deal with them.  They simply didn't have a context.  For the most part, even up to this past month, they had abated to just the very edge of my conscious recognition -- still there, but just annoying in their presence rather than interfering with my life.

So what changed?  Well, in the past month I have taken two separate shamanic classes which have both expanded and influenced me in significant ways, not the least of which was receiving a Power Animal Retrieval in the first one -- namely Snake. Snake is BIG medicine, being all about transformation, shedding old skins to be reborn, and the fiery alchemy of changing venom (poison) into healing.  Huge!  But I intend on writing an entire entry on this asp-ect (hee-hee!) since its scope is too large on it's own to be done justice here. 

Along with these two classes that I've already attended, I am also signed up for a 5-day training in Soul Retrieval in August.  Soul Retrieval is a shamanic method of 'retrieving' parts of a person that have been separated from that person, usually in instances of trauma.  It is very powerful to have these parts of your soul reunited and reintegrated. Not only will I be learning how to do this for others, but as part of the training I will be receiving one as well.  Now, as I discovered first hand before my Reiki attunements, as soon as you sign up for something like this, as soon as you solidify that commitment, you have already begun the transformative process of whatever that program, event, or class entails.  In most instances, according to personal experience, this involves a clearing, whether emotional or physical or both, to make room for the new stuff to take hold and grow -- which usually means you get sick before you get well.

In this case it hasn't been physical sickness, but a lot of emotional shrapnel from the past, things I'd thought were dealt with and done, rising back up to be faced and cleared again, which, though ultimately in the long run serve my highest good, in the short run have a tendency toward undermining my confidence and making me feel weaker, less grounded, and vulnerable.  Emotionally ill. 

The hardest part about this process is that the best way to deal with it and help it along, is to let go -- deeper and deeper levels of surrender. The harder I fight it (and believe me I've tried!) the rougher the terrain gets.  The more I try to pretend nothing is happening, and try to be my cheerful, optimistic, gleeful self, the harder it becomes, exponentially, to maintain that facade.  Case in point -- my friend's comments at Faerieworlds.

And it is amazing, once I start to accept my state, to be present with my feelings and not try to over-ride them in order to show the world that I'm okay and 'normal,' the easier it is to be with and accept these changes.  I've been accepting that my energy levels are going to be lower than usual, my emotions are going to be all over the charts, and that I'm gong to crave more solitude and at the same time experience increased loneliness.  It has been easier, but it has not been easy! 

I have been debating whether I need to get a soul retrieval (or other shamanic healings) to ease this transition. but I journeyed on it last night, and both my Upper World teacher and my Lower World guide told me over and over (because I kept asking them over and over) that I was "right on schedule" and didn't need to do anything else.  In fact, if I got a soul retrieval, it would interfere with the timing of my path.  I asked if I really should be taking the training in August and Nathaniel, my reindeer, said, "Of course! That's why you're in this position with all this happening right now." I had to laugh too, because after the journey when I was writing this part in my notebook, I heard Nathaniel's voice say, "Duh!"

And as I closed my notebook I heard Fred's voice say, "Just be willing to be present."

I kept remembering the conversation I had with a friend, who has been a spiritual mentor to me for nigh on 20 years, right after Faerieworlds as I tried to get a handle on all of this.  She was not surprised by anything I told her.  In fact she almost seemed like she expected it, with all the shamanic work I do, etc, you have to keep shedding the layers, keep being born a new, keep letting go of everything!

I had had another dream recently of being in a great library which was made of glass. I went outside the front doors and when I looked down the street I saw the tops of the trees just swaying back and forth violently.  I dashed back inside and dove behind a shelf to avoid the flying glass resulting from the cyclone blowing right through the library.  Everything I thought I knew, that I had organized and stored and built upon, was wiped out and blown away.  Nothing I thought I knew means anything. Square one. New game. Letting go of everything.

My friend said one thing that has stuck with me.  We talked about the transformation of caterpillar to butterfly, and how the caterpillar totally breaks down before the butterfly can take form.  As I've found out recently, the carterpillar actually has antibodies that fight off the butterfly transformation, as if it were a disease. But at some point, when the caterpillars disappears into the pupa to make its change, the antibodies die off and the caterpillar literally dies as the butterfly aspects take over. The thing my friend told me is, "You're in the pupa. You know what's in the pupa?  Caterpillar soup!" 

 That's what I am right now, and the process can't be rushed because it takes time for the butterfly to form -- and I want my wings to be fully-formed, strong, and glorious!

Giving Voice to Snake

A few nights ago I had a dream, and it was one of those ones that just confounded me. As connected as I am to the animal kingdom (both seen and unseen) it is not every night that I have dreams about a specific animal around who the entire dream revolves. This particular dream, from the moment I woke up, struck me as significant. I'd thought about it over and over but could not make head nor tails of it (literally).

In the dream, someone had given me a live rattle snake. I don't remember exactly what I did with it but I must have tucked it under the bed when I went out because when I came back, that's where I found a shedded snake skin. "Cool! A snake skin! ...Wait! Where's the snake?..." I looked deeper into the shadows under the bed, and spied among the boxes and debris the coils of a huge serpent. Originally my snake was only a couple feet long, and now it was the size of a gigantic python! I flipped out a bit and spent the rest of the dream trying to keep people (and my cats) away from it because of course its venom would be deadly.

Snake's medicine is about transformation, about out-growing your old skin and embracing your new one, but these changes are seen as alchemical in nature, akin to transforming base metals into gold. The same venom that means certain death can, when used properly, save someone's life. Obviously the snake in my dream had under gone a huge transformation, wriggling out of its two foot long skin and emerging in its pythonesque embodiment.

So what had this to do with me? Well, my life has undergone a huge transformation itself -- literally overnight. I've had some drastic changes to my work schedule and conditions, which I will talk about in another post, but they have definitely driven me out of my skin! Of course that hadn't occurred to me at the time -- and honestly I don't remember if the dream took place before or after that change -- and so I remained baffled for a number of days trying to unmask the correlations that I knew must be there, while Snake remained coiled in the back of my brain refusing to reveal her secrets.

And so it was when I went to Flute Quest last weekend. Despite this festival's close proximity in a State Park only a half-hour away, a friend and I decided to camp over Friday night to enjoy the first two days immersed in the magick of Native American flutes. It was wonderful, uplifting, and inspiring to walk amongst the brilliant beauty of the hand crafted flutes, enveloped by haunting beauty of their song.

I have a few different flute, including a Native American flute my parents gave me for Christmas one year (fittingly with an eagle on it), but had never really learned to play. Still there is something about the sound of a flute that goes straight to my heart, especially, as I've discovered in the past year, if it is a drone. A drone is a flute where the body instead of consisting of one cylinder, contains two -- usually one you play with using tone holes and the other that emits a single tone (or drone) somewhat like a bagpipe.

A friend of mine has a drone and it has simply enchanted me with its music. And so, not expecting to actually purchase anything (particularly with the financial uncertainties of my job changes), I set about checking out the different drones, seeing and hearing their differences. It was the second day when I saw another friend hanging out at this booth while the vendor played a drone for her. Perfect! I joined them, listening eagerly and testing out various ceramic flutes this man was selling. I saw an interesting flute he had made, but the vendor was busy with other customers, and I didn't dare pick it up to try it myself for fear of dropping or breaking it, so my friend and I walked on.

We didn't get very far, raving about this man's flutes, when I told her that the one I really wanted to hear was the one in the corner of the booth. She practically physically pushed me back to the booth to ask the guy if he could play that one for us.

It was a drone, only instead of two cylinders, it had three. The man was more than happy to accommodate us and I was lost in the very first strains of breath that flowed from it. Then the man tilted his head or something which changed the perspective of how I was looking at the flute, and a surge of energy ran through my body. I instantly flashed back to my dream because the flute was in the shape of a snake -- a rattle snake no less -- and suddenly I was looking at the same view of the rounded coils that I had glanced at under my bed.

I politely thanked the man as my friend and I walked away from his booth, bolts of energy still flashing through my system. "Crap!" "What?" "That flute is mine." "What do you mean?" I looked my friend in the eye and answered, "I dreamt about it the other night." Her eyes widened, "Ohhhh..."

I explained my dream and I told her of my energetic response to the flute, so very similar to that when I saw my reindeer drum bag for the first time. "Crap! I can't go spending money like that now!" But despite my protests, I knew it was inevitable. That was, I had no doubt, my flute. It was as if it had been custom made solely for my possession. Now understand that this was not an "Oh my god I have to have that! It's so pretty and I'll just die if I don't have it!" sort of thing. It was not an ego-driven status-symbol aquiring motivation. It was simply a recognition. "Oh yeah, that's my flute."

That night I went to a birthday party, and as one of the people who lived in the house we were at gave us the obligatory tour, I spied instantly another validation. Our hostess had a pet snake. That makes three, the magick number that usually signifies a particular animal is working with you.

So, though I haven't totally unravelled Snake's message or meaning yet, I am starting to feel on a more emotional level the changes and transformations she is hinting at. And though she has not yet told me her secrets, at least I have for the last couple days, playing her flute, been able to give her a voice.