Holy Crap Holy Man

I mentioned in my last post that I'd gone to the Gaia's Temple Imbolc ritual recently where we did a meditation to discover what it was we wished to dedicate ourselves to in the coming year.  Well, a couple of Sundays ago was the monthly service for Gaia's Temple and during the teaching portion, Rev. Judith Laxer led us in the same meditation from the ritual.  At first I was a little hesitant to really put the effort into it.  I mean I'd already done it and had made my own dedications in the past couple weeks.  Still I was cognizant of the fact that just because it's the same meditation doesn't mean I would get the same results.  So, with renewed curiosity for what I would find this time, I allowed my consciousness to be led through the beautiful imagery of Brigit's temple, and when it came to the point where we see ourselves doing something that is a manifestation of our dedication, I was surprised.

What I saw was myself, kneeling on the Earth, in some sort of ritual (I felt there were others present though I didn't see anyone) holding up an abalone shell, overflowing with smoke from sage and cedar and other yummy scented things, as I prayed/invoked/blessed this circle and its purpose.  The words "Holy Man" materialized in my mind. 

In a way this was connected to my earlier dedications to walk my path, to really focus on my own work and to walk my talk so to begin embodying what it is I believe rather than just giving it lip service. This was slightly different.  Rather than being a dedication to something in the spirit of creating what it is you want to harvest in the future on the opposite side of the Wheel of the Year, this was more of a dropping back into the present and accepting what was already here.

 
It's amazing how two little words can spark such a change in consciousness and perspective of who we are.  I have had a hard time describing what I do to people who ask, and have to admit to occasionally, though it's frowned upon to self-identify this way in shamanic circles, as a shaman.  The more politically correct term is 'shamanic practitioner' because only the community who you help and heal can say you're a shaman.  I still wrestle with this sometimes.  I understand how the claim to be a shaman, when coming from a place of ego, can be to personally claim these powers as one's own, in which case the self-proclaimed shaman is usually abandoned by his spirit guides because they are the real source of power and healing energy.  But when you really understand that to be a shaman is to be 'the hollow bone' through which the spirits work their powerful healing, you aren't really claiming any of these powers as your own.  And when I'm going through the occasional identity crisis, and I think to myself, "I am a Shaman," I do feel it resonate and empower me.  Still, I usually do refer to myself as a 'shamanic practitioner.'

To explain to those who have never heard of shamanism, or who don't know what it is, I compare myself to a Medicine Man.  I don't claim to be one, though I do talk about using my personal medicine or the medicine of various animals, etc.  It is just that more people are familiar with the archetype or image of a medicine man, so it's just a matter of jumping metaphors to what people understand and going from there into details.

But the words 'Holy Man' really struck a cord.  I had never thought of those words to describe me, but I had to admit that they definitely fit.  I counsel people on spiritual matters, whether just using my own intuition, shamanic journeys, or with the assistance of the Medicine Cards that I read.  I do heal, whether through Reiki, again becoming the hollow bone and allowing Universal Energy to flow through me, or performing Soul Retrievals in a shamanic ceremony to return those errant parts of a person's vital energy that have become separated because of some trauma.  And I am an ordained minister in SHES (Spiritual Healers and Earth Stewards) who can legally perform rites of passage (Weddings, etc).  I have mentioned before that the priest who baptized me as a baby into the Catholic Church was convinced I was going to be a priest, and all that I just described above, though not with in the confines of the Church, sounds rather priest-like.  "Holy man" pretty much covers it.

Above all, in those couple of words, and in the vision of myself, the component that seemed the most accentuated was that of being a leader.  This circle I saw myself kneeling in -- I was leading it.  I had organized it, and people had come to share this circle with me.  Then I start to realize how many people already find their way to me for guidance and answers, and how it's all the part of that same process of stepping into my power and accepting my own authority.

And this all fits with my earlier dedications to my path because, at the heart of it is the desire to live a heart-centered life and to act based on what I'm drawn or inspired to do, from the inside,  rather than relying on outside influences as to what I'm "suppose" to do.  Becoming my own authority and trusting myself and my connection with my Creator to guide me, and thereby lead and teach others by inspiration and example to recognize the authority of their own hearts.

...Holy crap, I am a Holy Man...