Being Shaman

I had an interesting and profound experience recently and wanted to write it down so I didn't lose its significance in the backwaters of my mind...

In the past few months my day job has moved to a different warehouse.  Fortunately the new place was not far away, and we had experience under our belts from a similar move just a few years ago. But in the place we left, there was this magickal little pond, kitty corner across the street, where I spent many a lunch break in contemplation and healing (for instance in my post The Healing Is Mutual).  So, having made such a connection with the Spirit of this place, I wanted to honor that connection and officially say good-bye, since I didn't know if or when I might be there again.

On one of my last days at the old warehouse, I grabbed my bag of tobacco, that I always keep in my glove box for just such an occasion, and headed to the pond, where I sat in the green, springtime grass, cross-legged with my tobacco-offering on my lap.  I closed my eyes and connected with the Spirit of the Land.  In so doing, I let go of everything and felt my consciousness slide down between the atoms and molecules of everything around me.

Whoa! When spiritual teachers and/or quantum physicists talk about our oneness with everything, I have the experience to know it is not just figurative or metaphorical, because I've been there! There are no words to describe this.  None.

And as I basked there in the ecstasy of this sea of being, something came to me. Being a Shaman really is about Being a Shaman.  It is in the Being -- true, aware being -- that the power is.  In simply Being is recognized the oneness (or perhaps more correctly, non-duality) of the Universe, where-in lies the Honoring of the Spirits that surround us and are part of us.  And it is in this connection, without doing a thing, that the Shaman is able to heal.  Being and Honoring.  Acting may come from or be inspired by that, but those are the two necessary ingredients, without which actions are hollow and unproductive.

I opened my eyes just enough to take a pinch of tobacco and sprinkle it on the earth, repeating again to make an offering for all four directions, as well as for the Spirits of the Upper World, the Lower World, and all the compassionate Spirits who flowed around me where I sat in the Middle World.  It seemed a pittance compared to the gratitude swelling in my heart for this experience.
 
There are no words for the way I felt as I walked back to work after that. None. 

A Dweam Wiffin A Dweam

I had a feeling this was going to be a good year!  Actually the things that have made this a banner year began at the end of last year, although I can possibly see the very twinkling beginnings of it way last Summer while driving down to Faerieworlds with my dear friend Sarah.  She informed me that you're suppose to make a wish when you see a hay truck.  Well, seeing as Faerieworlds happens around Lughnasadh in late-July/early-August during the first harvest of the year, hay trucks were bountiful between Seattle, Washington and Eugene, Oregon.  Whenever I spotted one my response was the same -- "Wuv! Twue Wuv!"

Life moved on and come December I had a huge revelation, and what basically amounted to a soul retrieval, when I was reconnected with a magickal childhood part of myself that had been missing.  I once more discovered, and renewed my faith in, Santa Claus, actually meeting the jolly old elf himself. That is a whole 'nother story in itself that you can read in my earlier post, Yes Virginia.  But one of the things Santa had told me during this encounter was, "It's about time we make a dream of yours come true."

Later that month I found myself in a relationship... kind of. I'd met this woman earlier, and there were definite connections and sparks between us, but we never quite seemed to connect in the right way to make anything long-term out of it.  There were logistics, as well as mismatching perspectives of what was happening, so it became this revolving on again/off again, hot then cold type thing. Eventually, I realized that this wan't working, that this was not the relationship I was looking for.  I did want something long-term, and though I know relationships take hard work and investment to thrive, the work we were putting into this non-relationship was not helping either one of us and was not moving forward.

It was then that I decided that with all the things I've read, and learned, and accomplished in the past twenty-odd some years on this particular branch of my spiritual path, that I needed to actually apply them.  Beyond being just pretty sayings to make me feel better when I was down or feeling victimized, it was time to embody all those things and really create the life I've been wanting, desiring, and craving. All the things I'd learned and all the things I've been teaching people center around creating your reality and empowering yourself.  These were not tools for just getting by, as I'd been doing for some time now, but they were the keys to fly.

So I sat myself down and asked myself, "What was it I really wanted in a relationship?"  I got clear and I felt it and I knew that not only did I deserve it, I already had it.  Then I let it go.

Come Christmas Eve and, as is my annual tradition, I left a letter along with some eggnog and cookies for Santa, next to some organic carrots for the reindeer.  This was my letter:

Dear Santa,

Thank you for stopping by.  I forgot to ask for my Delorean, but that's okay.  You can bring that next year.

This year if you can just bring me True Love, that's all I ask. =)

Thank you Santa! I love you so much!!

*

Jump ahead a couple months and I had another otherworldly encounter that I totally missed the point of, but which in hindsight was another piece of the puzzle.  I was attending this workshop on dreams, and at the beginning of the class the teacher had us all close our eyes as she set sacred space.  When I closed mine, though, try as I might to follow along with what the teacher was saying I found I couldn't because my third eye was all a-buzz and tingling.  I opened my third eye, the chakra of inner visions that rests between your outer eyes, and there in front of me was the massive head of Ganesha, the elephant-headed Hindu god.  This was not just a mere vision, however, because I could feel his forehead touching mine, third eye to third eye.  I've worked with, and had visions of Ganesha before, but nothing like this.  I had been seeing Ganesha all day, in tattoos, magazine adds, and stuff, but this was totally unexpected.

And that wasn't the end of it.  The next day I tried to take my usual lunch-time nap at work, but every time I closed my eyes, there was Ganesha.  This happened a few times and after seeing him in various dances or stances, I finally said, "Okay. You have my attention.  What do you want to tell me?"  Then just his gigantic eyeball loomed in front of my face, and he tells me, "The path is now clear for the fruition of your dreams."

At the time it sounded nice and encouraging, but I had no idea how pertinent his message really was, or how soon it would manifest.  It was within a week or two of that occurrence when the real magick started to happen.

One random day, I received this random Facebook message and friend request from this random woman.  She had just attended a workshop by one of my shamanic teachers, and she just randomly happened to be on Facebook when this teacher began 'liking' things there.  Curious as to what this well known shamanic teacher likes on Facebook, this random woman checked out some of  the 'likes' left in the wake of the teacher.  Lo and behold, one of the things she'd liked was a comic of mine:

          

First off all, this Random Woman has her own connections to White Buffalo Calf Woman. Second, she felt she had to find out who this man was who would actually post drawings of himself in his vulnerability and tears.  Following the thread (the Golden Thread ;)) she discovered this blog you are now reading.  At the time, however, the most recent post was the one about my ER visit concerning the blood clot I had in my leg (Stayin Alive).   

 So the aforementioned random message I received from this Random Woman one random day was one of compassion, that she was sending healing and was hoping I was alright. But wait! There's more! Along with her kind and caring words she sent a picture... 

Now I ask you -- How can you NOT respond to someone who sends you a picture they drew of a bunny?! Of course I did a little checking myself to see who this Random Woman was, and when I saw her photo, my first question honestly was, "How do I know this woman? Do I know this woman? I do know this woman, but how? From where?"  That prompted me to do something I hardly ever do.  I accepted her friend request without knowing anything about her. 

I replied to let her know I was doing fine and to thank her for the bunny.  Having a lot in common -- this particular teacher (whose Two-Year Teacher Training we had signed up for independently of each other), shamanism, dreams and goals -- the conversation grew, spilling quickly from Facebook to texts, to phone calls, to Skype.  With the growing conversation, so too grew our connection and feelings, yet we both were cognizant of tendencies to rush into things so we held back as best we could, attempting to not get ahead of ourselves.  I mean we hadn't even met in person yet, right? Well, as the fates would have it, she just happened to be going to another workshop of our teacher, flying to California from her New York state home, so it was a snap to divert her flight to Seattle (a place where she was already thinking of moving to be closer to her BC family).  

I won't say our meeting went off without a hitch. There were/are a few things to sort out, but it also felt totally worth sorting them out rather than letting those things be a reason to call it quits. She did seem to be authentically who she seemed to be.  And the connection was definitely there, as we took turns melting under the other one's gaze. And we both kept asking, "Is this really happening?"

The last day together during that first meeting, I showed her this --

 

--She says that's when I really captured her heart... 

So, almost three months later I still hesitate to say that she's "The One" because I've felt and said that same thing in the past with others who weren't, but by staying present and open, and communicating authentically I can see a possible day, years down the line, where I wake up one morning and say, "I guess you were The One."  Forever is an after-effect of being present in every moment.  And in the moment, I'm in love.