There have been a number of instances recently that have hinted to me that I have passed some sort of initiation, that I have gone through some sort of graduation or something. It's very odd. Perhaps it's just me feeling more in my strength and my power, experiencing a level of confidence that I've never known in this life time. Even in the times of questions and doubts when I still experience a whirlwind of emotional upheaval, there is a surety that I feel inside that wasn't there before. Is that the part of me that returned during my Soul Retrieval a few months back?
One way or another, I have felt different specifically around those who have been mentors and teachers to me, or those who I would, in the past, have categorized as better than me, resulting in a spectrum of feelings ranging from intimidation to out-right hero worship. Not that I wouldn't, suddenly finding myself face to face with the Dalai Lama, collapse gracefully into a boneless, giggling, quivering, puddle of jello, but behind those feelings there is a supportive presence that keeps it all in balance. And so what I have been experiencing lately among those I regard with respect and as mentors is a moving up in the ranks and viewing them, or more correctly feeling I'm being viewed, as a peer.
The most dramatic of these happened last week. It was a double-whammy actually. I had just finished a session with my counselor and was saying my good-byes when she told me, "I don't think you need me anymore, at least not as a counselor. We can still talk and meet, but as friends -- and maybe I'll start coming to you for answers now!" Then with a hug and a grin she said, "You are launched!"
I felt a great sense of empowerment as I drove directly from her place to the weekly Jyorei gathering some friends have. And as I was receiving the energy healing, Jeshua appeared to me. Now I've mentioned how I've been talking with Jeshua for years, but that is usually just as a voice, and feeling his nebulous presence. Rarely, in fact only once before, do I ever recall him revealing more of himself than that. But here he was before my mind's eye, full-bodied, dressed in robes very much like you see in biblical pictures. He knelt down on one knee. "I kneel before you and I kiss your hands," and he kissed the open palm of each hand. Still kneeling, he looked up into my face and said, "Truly you are the son of god." Then he stood and, eye to eye, he told me, "Beloved Brother, you are my equal in every way."
I hesitated to post this (I actually wrote it last week) because I was concerned about offending people ("Jesus said what to you?!") or it coming off as an ego trip, then I remembered that this is Jeshua's basic message to everybody. I am just finally, after almost 20 years of hearing it, at a place where I am ready to receive it. And rather than being an ego trip, the opposite is true. I have had few more humbling experiences than this.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Monday, September 6, 2010
Artist In Resonance
I've become quite used to receiving visions of sorts during Jyorei healing sessions, which doesn't surprise me seeing as half the time is spent focusing on the Third Eye Chakra where visions are generally seen. And it is usually no surprise when it is an animal that appears to me in these visions, taking into consideration my ever expanding work with animal spirits. The last Jyorei session I went to was no different in that I did see a vision, and it was of an animal. But there the similarities ended because, whereas normally the animal, being a spirit guide or power animal, is strong and calm in its presence, this animal, a horse, was spooked and frenzied.
This definitely caught me by surprise and I was uncertain what was going on. I saw, and at the same time felt, myself with the horse sending him energy, trying to calm him, but it wasn't working. Then I felt myself let go of trying to send the energy, and just focused on raising my own vibration as high and as peaceful as possible. Almost instantly the horse calmed down and I could feel myself reaching out and running my hand gently down the middle of his long nose.
The revelation that followed this small demonstration was HUGE! Ever since I was little through to right now, fed on the stories of Tarzan and St Francis, I've tried with mixed results to get as close to animals, wild and domestic, as I could. Even before I knew about energy work, I realize now that I was basically sending them energy to try to keep them calm and allow me to approach. As demonstrated by my recent horse vision, this method does not always work. But, and here's the Aha! moment, when you bring yourself to the present and to center and to peace, this has a much better chance of calming another, whether human or beast, simply out of resonance.
Just as a bunch of clocks (the old fashioned kind with pendulums) left in the same room long enough will start ticking at the same rate, or women living together long enough will begin their moon-time synchronistically, when you are in your power focused on the divinity within you, those around you will tend to resonate with your frequency and become centered and balanced as well. Either that or they will become extremely uncomfortable and leave. There are certain people you feel really good around, just by being in their presence. Something about their energy just automatically cheers you up and makes you happy. That's what I'm talking about.
My counselor once told me that whenever someone thinks they know better than another person what is best for that person, there is violence present. It is an act of control, of power over. When I send energy at an animal to try to calm it, in a way that's an act of violence, an act of intrusion which automatically sets up a defensive situation within which calm is not too often a factor.
I think of those scenes in the Kung Fu tv series where Caine calms a frenzied horse simply by being present. He's not trying to change the horse, pushing intentions toward the horse, or trying to force the horse to be anything else. He's just being himself and allowing the horse to resonate with him. It's a yielding, an opening, an invitation, rather than a controlling or forcing. Caine's purity and innocence giving the horse space to return to its own purity and innocence. And the more I practice reiki and shamanic things, the more I realize that this is the way of healing. It is the presence and the mindfulness of the healer that allows another to find healing within themselves; The recognition of one's own divine self first, and then of that same divinity in another that opens a space for healing to take place.
Namaste -- The Divine in me greets the Divine in you
Oel Ngati Kameie -- I see You
This definitely caught me by surprise and I was uncertain what was going on. I saw, and at the same time felt, myself with the horse sending him energy, trying to calm him, but it wasn't working. Then I felt myself let go of trying to send the energy, and just focused on raising my own vibration as high and as peaceful as possible. Almost instantly the horse calmed down and I could feel myself reaching out and running my hand gently down the middle of his long nose.
The revelation that followed this small demonstration was HUGE! Ever since I was little through to right now, fed on the stories of Tarzan and St Francis, I've tried with mixed results to get as close to animals, wild and domestic, as I could. Even before I knew about energy work, I realize now that I was basically sending them energy to try to keep them calm and allow me to approach. As demonstrated by my recent horse vision, this method does not always work. But, and here's the Aha! moment, when you bring yourself to the present and to center and to peace, this has a much better chance of calming another, whether human or beast, simply out of resonance.
Just as a bunch of clocks (the old fashioned kind with pendulums) left in the same room long enough will start ticking at the same rate, or women living together long enough will begin their moon-time synchronistically, when you are in your power focused on the divinity within you, those around you will tend to resonate with your frequency and become centered and balanced as well. Either that or they will become extremely uncomfortable and leave. There are certain people you feel really good around, just by being in their presence. Something about their energy just automatically cheers you up and makes you happy. That's what I'm talking about.
My counselor once told me that whenever someone thinks they know better than another person what is best for that person, there is violence present. It is an act of control, of power over. When I send energy at an animal to try to calm it, in a way that's an act of violence, an act of intrusion which automatically sets up a defensive situation within which calm is not too often a factor.
I think of those scenes in the Kung Fu tv series where Caine calms a frenzied horse simply by being present. He's not trying to change the horse, pushing intentions toward the horse, or trying to force the horse to be anything else. He's just being himself and allowing the horse to resonate with him. It's a yielding, an opening, an invitation, rather than a controlling or forcing. Caine's purity and innocence giving the horse space to return to its own purity and innocence. And the more I practice reiki and shamanic things, the more I realize that this is the way of healing. It is the presence and the mindfulness of the healer that allows another to find healing within themselves; The recognition of one's own divine self first, and then of that same divinity in another that opens a space for healing to take place.
Namaste -- The Divine in me greets the Divine in you
Oel Ngati Kameie -- I see You
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Get Along Prairie Doggie
I have noticed recently, in the Medicine Card readings I've given, that a certain card keeps popping up (which is actually a great visual, considering which card it is! :)). Actually there are a number of cards that seem to come up in readings over and over, and that probably defies the laws of probability. Anyway, another thing I've learned through giving readings is that, though the client is the one whom the message is aimed at, it always pertains to me in some way as well. So, as I've watched Prairie Dog peek out of his hole again and again and again through a number of readings, I realized there's a lesson in there for me.
Prairie Dog represents Retreat. When he appears it means it's time to retreat, to pull inside, to regroup. Prairie Dog is a very social, family-oriented creature, so another thing he signifies is recognizing the support group, your friends and family, seen and unseen, that surrounds you. You are not alone! You don't have to do everything!
In the prairie dog community, there is always one individual designated to standing guard, on alert for the hint of danger, and if he senses any, he sends out an alarm that the entire village can hear in order to take cover. Knowing this allows the entire tribe to relax and enjoy themselves, knowing that someone is watching out for them. They don't each have to be on guard, looking for and seeking out every single little threat that may come their way. They are safely in the capable paws of their sentry.
How does this relate to me? This weekend I have chosen to take a "Prairie Dog" weekend and a personal retreat. I am physically and emotional depleted after prolonged challenges at my day job (and staying up til 1am writing in my blog!...), and I need to retreat to where I know I am safe, and where I can sleep and rest and regroup. I plan on spending acouple days at my friend's house out in the country, one of the safest and most magickal places I know of.
In fact I had a small taste of Prairie Dog medicine there last weekend when my friend threw a birthday party for another friend. As usual we had a campfire in her backyard. Everyone sat in chairs around the fire, talking and laughing, and my friend brought out a few blankets to lay on the ground f0r her dogs to lie on. Normally when there's a gathering at her house, I end up sitting on the dog beds, and so it felt natural for me to abandon my chair for the comfort of a near-by blanket. Ahhh! As I lay there, watching the flames at eye-level, one of the dogs came over and curled up with me. Soon I had closed my eyes, listening to the slightly out of focus voices around me, as I drifted into a space I'd forgotten about. A space of safety. A space where I was allowed to let down my guard.
It was the same feeling as the 'happy place' I constantly tried to bring to mind those many years of suffering anxiety and panic attacks. I would place myself back in my childhood on a trip with my family. It was night time so things were dark, except for the lights of passing cars dancing around me as I lay in my sleeping bag in the back of our Winnebago. The soothing vibrations of the motor and the gentle waves of the rolling road lulled me into a peaceful place as I listened to the indistinguishable words spoken between my parents up front, blended with the strains of a John Denver song, while my dad drove us to where ever we were going next. I was safe. I was taken care of. I hadn't a care in the world.
And for a brief time the other night, I visited that place again. Totally safe, surrounded by people who cared for and who watched over me. The warmth of the fire and the warmth of the friendships, and the softness of my canine companion allowed me to let go of everything for a short time. And unencumbered I dozed off to sleep.
If there is a heaven, that's what mine would look like.
Prairie Dog represents Retreat. When he appears it means it's time to retreat, to pull inside, to regroup. Prairie Dog is a very social, family-oriented creature, so another thing he signifies is recognizing the support group, your friends and family, seen and unseen, that surrounds you. You are not alone! You don't have to do everything!
In the prairie dog community, there is always one individual designated to standing guard, on alert for the hint of danger, and if he senses any, he sends out an alarm that the entire village can hear in order to take cover. Knowing this allows the entire tribe to relax and enjoy themselves, knowing that someone is watching out for them. They don't each have to be on guard, looking for and seeking out every single little threat that may come their way. They are safely in the capable paws of their sentry.
How does this relate to me? This weekend I have chosen to take a "Prairie Dog" weekend and a personal retreat. I am physically and emotional depleted after prolonged challenges at my day job (and staying up til 1am writing in my blog!...), and I need to retreat to where I know I am safe, and where I can sleep and rest and regroup. I plan on spending acouple days at my friend's house out in the country, one of the safest and most magickal places I know of.
In fact I had a small taste of Prairie Dog medicine there last weekend when my friend threw a birthday party for another friend. As usual we had a campfire in her backyard. Everyone sat in chairs around the fire, talking and laughing, and my friend brought out a few blankets to lay on the ground f0r her dogs to lie on. Normally when there's a gathering at her house, I end up sitting on the dog beds, and so it felt natural for me to abandon my chair for the comfort of a near-by blanket. Ahhh! As I lay there, watching the flames at eye-level, one of the dogs came over and curled up with me. Soon I had closed my eyes, listening to the slightly out of focus voices around me, as I drifted into a space I'd forgotten about. A space of safety. A space where I was allowed to let down my guard.
It was the same feeling as the 'happy place' I constantly tried to bring to mind those many years of suffering anxiety and panic attacks. I would place myself back in my childhood on a trip with my family. It was night time so things were dark, except for the lights of passing cars dancing around me as I lay in my sleeping bag in the back of our Winnebago. The soothing vibrations of the motor and the gentle waves of the rolling road lulled me into a peaceful place as I listened to the indistinguishable words spoken between my parents up front, blended with the strains of a John Denver song, while my dad drove us to where ever we were going next. I was safe. I was taken care of. I hadn't a care in the world.
And for a brief time the other night, I visited that place again. Totally safe, surrounded by people who cared for and who watched over me. The warmth of the fire and the warmth of the friendships, and the softness of my canine companion allowed me to let go of everything for a short time. And unencumbered I dozed off to sleep.
If there is a heaven, that's what mine would look like.
Monday, August 23, 2010
Giving Voice to Snake
A few nights ago I had a dream, and it was one of those ones that just confounded me. As connected as I am to the animal kingdom (both seen and unseen) it is not every night that I have dreams about a specific animal around who the entire dream revolves. This particular dream, from the moment I woke up, struck me as significant. I'd thought about it over and over but could not make head nor tails of it (literally).
In the dream, someone had given me a live rattle snake. I don't remember exactly what I did with it but I must have tucked it under the bed when I went out because when I came back, that's where I found a shedded snake skin. "Cool! A snake skin! ...Wait! Where's the snake?..." I looked deeper into the shadows under the bed, and spied among the boxes and debris the coils of a huge serpent. Originally my snake was only a couple feet long, and now it was the size of a gigantic python! I flipped out a bit and spent the rest of the dream trying to keep people (and my cats) away from it because of course its venom would be deadly.
Snake's medicine is about transformation, about out-growing your old skin and embracing your new one, but these changes are seen as alchemical in nature, akin to transforming base metals into gold. The same venom that means certain death can, when used properly, save someone's life. Obviously the snake in my dream had under gone a huge transformation, wriggling out of its two foot long skin and emerging in its pythonesque embodiment.
So what had this to do with me? Well, my life has undergone a huge transformation itself -- literally overnight. I've had some drastic changes to my work schedule and conditions, which I will talk about in another post, but they have definitely driven me out of my skin! Of course that hadn't occurred to me at the time -- and honestly I don't remember if the dream took place before or after that change -- and so I remained baffled for a number of days trying to unmask the correlations that I knew must be there, while Snake remained coiled in the back of my brain refusing to reveal her secrets.
And so it was when I went to Flute Quest last weekend. Despite this festival's close proximity in a State Park only a half-hour away, a friend and I decided to camp over Friday night to enjoy the first two days immersed in the magick of Native American flutes. It was wonderful, uplifting, and inspiring to walk amongst the brilliant beauty of the hand crafted flutes, enveloped by haunting beauty of their song.
I have a few different flute, including a Native American flute my parents gave me for Christmas one year (fittingly with an eagle on it), but had never really learned to play. Still there is something about the sound of a flute that goes straight to my heart, especially, as I've discovered in the past year, if it is a drone. A drone is a flute where the body instead of consisting of one cylinder, contains two -- usually one you play with using tone holes and the other that emits a single tone (or drone) somewhat like a bagpipe.
A friend of mine has a drone and it has simply enchanted me with its music. And so, not expecting to actually purchase anything (particularly with the financial uncertainties of my job changes), I set about checking out the different drones, seeing and hearing their differences. It was the second day when I saw another friend hanging out at this booth while the vendor played a drone for her. Perfect! I joined them, listening eagerly and testing out various ceramic flutes this man was selling. I saw an interesting flute he had made, but the vendor was busy with other customers, and I didn't dare pick it up to try it myself for fear of dropping or breaking it, so my friend and I walked on.
We didn't get very far, raving about this man's flutes, when I told her that the one I really wanted to hear was the one in the corner of the booth. She practically physically pushed me back to the booth to ask the guy if he could play that one for us.
It was a drone, only instead of two cylinders, it had three. The man was more than happy to accommodate us and I was lost in the very first strains of breath that flowed from it. Then the man tilted his head or something which changed the perspective of how I was looking at the flute, and a surge of energy ran through my body. I instantly flashed back to my dream because the flute was in the shape of a snake -- a rattle snake no less -- and suddenly I was looking at the same view of the rounded coils that I had glanced at under my bed.
I politely thanked the man as my friend and I walked away from his booth, bolts of energy still flashing through my system. "Crap!" "What?" "That flute is mine." "What do you mean?" I looked my friend in the eye and answered, "I dreamt about it the other night." Her eyes widened, "Ohhhh..."
I explained my dream and I told her of my energetic response to the flute, so very similar to that when I saw my reindeer drum bag for the first time. "Crap! I can't go spending money like that now!" But despite my protests, I knew it was inevitable. That was, I had no doubt, my flute. It was as if it had been custom made solely for my possession. Now understand that this was not an "Oh my god I have to have that! It's so pretty and I'll just die if I don't have it!" sort of thing. It was not an ego-driven status-symbol aquiring motivation. It was simply a recognition. "Oh yeah, that's my flute."
That night I went to a birthday party, and as one of the people who lived in the house we were at gave us the obligatory tour, I spied instantly another validation. Our hostess had a pet snake. That makes three, the magick number that usually signifies a particular animal is working with you.
So, though I haven't totally unravelled Snake's message or meaning yet, I am starting to feel on a more emotional level the changes and transformations she is hinting at. And though she has not yet told me her secrets, at least I have for the last couple days, playing her flute, been able to give her a voice.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Wolf Feathers
art and parcel of my spiritual path, Wolf has always been present. At least as far as I can remember. Even as a kid I remember, when starting cub scouts, I was unbelievably disappointed because I had signed up late and so had to begin as a bear cub rather than a wolf cub like most kids.
At the same time, I never felt comfortable saying Wolf was my totem because I had read Black Elk Speaks, and as much of Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee as I could stomach before having to put it down, and so had become pretty sensitive to people claiming things from other cultures that weren't theirs to claim. Still, one night in the early 90s I had a dream that convinced me that, indeed, Wolf is my totem --
I found myself running along the bottom of a dry river bed lined, almost to the point of being tiled, with large river stones. I was in a panic because the wolves were chasing me, and even though I couldn't see them I knew they were behind me. Finally I scrambled up the bank of the river bed and climbed up into a tree. I settled on a branch some distance off the ground and leaning my back against the trunk, closed my eyes and released a sigh of relief. Phew! I was safe!
This feeling was short-lived as, with eyes still shut, I felt the branch I was on bend beneath me, under another's weight. Gulp! I slowly opened my eyes to find a wolf sitting on a fork of my branch, not even a yard away from me. Before I even had time to panic I heard his words float into my mind: "Do not fear. We are always with you ."
...So, yeah, that seemed pretty significant. Definitely not a typical dream, and I had to admit to having been chosen by Wolf. It is from this dream that I took my 1st magickal name: Perching Wolf.
As this dream or vision settled in and made itself comfortable in my personal mythology, I officially joined the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism -- a medieval recreation group) and, as is one of the first things you do in the group, I started designing my device, or coat of arms. My medieval name is "Lovell", which means "Little Wolf." Technically, though used for humans, it was more common as a dog's name, making me want to adopt "We named the dog..." (an obscure reference to Indiana Jones) translated into Latin as my personal motto. And so of course my device had to feature a wolf, but it had to be distinguishable from other wolves. It had to be my wolf.
I reached further back in my experience to when reading Living In The Light by Shakti Gawain and doing some of the suggested meditations at the end of the chapters. Back then, though new to meditation, etc, I had met a wolf during guidance to meet your inner male. He was black, with green eyes, and he said his name was Yammas (which I still find interesting in it's closeness to the word "Lammas" -- one of the Pagan holidays that celebrates the Divine Masculine).
So my SCA wolf would be black (with green eyes although that couldn't be part of the blazon, or description, of the device), but there had to be more to set him apart... Wings!! How else would a wolf have gotten into a tree with me? And so my black winged wolf became my device --
And so, that is how my wolf got his wings, and the Corvus Lupus was born. And as I learned more about my Totem, and began to identify with Wolf -- to the point of discovering my 'inner puppy' -- he, or actually I in his form, began to show up in my comics...
The winged-wolf continues to deepen and expand into the landscape of my personal mythology. In a shamanic journey I was recently shown the palace/temple of the 'Wolf King,' before which, standing guardian, is a 3-story tall statue of a winged-wolf -- so it has definitely become deeply engrained as part of my subconscious psyche. And that is so exciting because as I grow, so does he. He is a living vital thing, just like me.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
...How Does Your Garden Grow?
Wow! In just the past week alone I feel as though my metaphysical skills have grown exponentially. And it is with definite hesitancy that I say "my" because all I'm doing is getting better and better at getting out of the way and allowing things to happen.
What I am discovering with more and more clarity is that living a shamanic life is not about learning new things, but letting go of the things you've already learned. It's good to have structure to build from, but it is a flexible thing to propel you into something new -- not so much rules as guidelines.
In a way it is like 'making it up as you go along' because it is basically a process of being presented with a situation, checking in with your guidance, and going forward with whatever you are guided to do. There is no way to prepare for that! Perhaps that is part of the reason that in the past some shaman and medicine people have been looked down upon -- because they really were just making it up on the spot. But it wasn't out of charletainistic intentions, it was because the shaman's ego or personality couldn't know what to do. So when I am presented with a situation now, my attitude is, "Alright, let's see what I can do," rather than, "If A then goto B, if C then goto D." My entire life is becoming more organic that way as I tune into the flow rather than trying to figure out what what I should be doing. This may be a trial to those around me (and if it is I truly apologize) as one result is that I have difficulty being "on time" to things. This is actually a bit of a struggle for me still because of the knowing that I am always in the right place at the right time -- even if if that right time is late according to external perceptions of time...
"Gandalf! You're late!"
"A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins! Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to"
Anyway, there have been a few instances this past week that have made these lessons of trust and letting go dig deeper and become more solidly rooted.
The first one was at a camping festival last weekend, and could probably be classified under "Snow White Moments." A friend was bit by a bee. After making sure she was okay, I just found myself, without thinking about it, walking over to where their nest apparently was underground, and where a number of them were still buzzing angrily about, crouching down and holding my hand out toward them. I'm guessing it was a reiki thing -- the energy healing that I do -- but they started to calm down and returned to their nest. That raised a couple eyebrows (including my own!). Then I did reiki on the friend who'd been bit, and by the time I was done, the swelling around the bite had actually gone away.
The 2nd instance was at my counselor's house. We had finished my session and I was getting ready to leave when she started talking about her deceased mother, saying she can always feel her with her. Instantly I got a flash of an older woman standing behind my counselor. "Did she have grey hair, and was she a bit taller than you?" I asked. "Yes. Can you see her?" "Uh-huh." "Does she have anything to say to me?" I quieted myself and went within, almost instantly feeling a happiness and a pride. "She is so pleased with what you've done with your life and she is proud of you." As tears began to fill her eyes, a chill ran up my spine, indicating the validity of the information. And as I headed out the door she mentioned how her mom had never gone anywhere, but with my counselor also being a flight attendant, her mom was enjoying the ride. "You're living her dreams!" I blurted out without even thinking. More tears and more spine chills.
The interesting thing is that this was a first for me to do that on the spur of the moment, and with a human. I have numerous cases of working with deceased animals but not so many humans.
The third experience just happened yesterday. I was in this little metaphysical shop giving a sample Medicine Card reading to the owner, to see if I am good enough to read there on a permanent basis (which, of course, I am ;)). I actually finished the reading and was explaining to her my process and how the cards are just a starting point for me to communicate with the animal guides. She stopped me and asked if I could tell what her animal guide was. I just said 'sure' and closed my eyes to see what I could find out. Instantly this big, beautiful swan was there and she sat up in the water and opened her wings. She was pure white and exuding light. I had no idea, when I closed my eyes, what I would be able to do or find out, but I just went for it and there it was. Ta-dah!
This whole process is just so miraculous and magickal to me, and as my garden of experience continues to grow and bloom, I am constantly being blown away and in awe of the beauty of Life in Her spiral dance. There simply are not words, except, maybe...
Ta-dah!!!
What I am discovering with more and more clarity is that living a shamanic life is not about learning new things, but letting go of the things you've already learned. It's good to have structure to build from, but it is a flexible thing to propel you into something new -- not so much rules as guidelines.
In a way it is like 'making it up as you go along' because it is basically a process of being presented with a situation, checking in with your guidance, and going forward with whatever you are guided to do. There is no way to prepare for that! Perhaps that is part of the reason that in the past some shaman and medicine people have been looked down upon -- because they really were just making it up on the spot. But it wasn't out of charletainistic intentions, it was because the shaman's ego or personality couldn't know what to do. So when I am presented with a situation now, my attitude is, "Alright, let's see what I can do," rather than, "If A then goto B, if C then goto D." My entire life is becoming more organic that way as I tune into the flow rather than trying to figure out what what I should be doing. This may be a trial to those around me (and if it is I truly apologize) as one result is that I have difficulty being "on time" to things. This is actually a bit of a struggle for me still because of the knowing that I am always in the right place at the right time -- even if if that right time is late according to external perceptions of time...
"Gandalf! You're late!"
"A wizard is never late, Frodo Baggins! Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to"
Anyway, there have been a few instances this past week that have made these lessons of trust and letting go dig deeper and become more solidly rooted.
The first one was at a camping festival last weekend, and could probably be classified under "Snow White Moments." A friend was bit by a bee. After making sure she was okay, I just found myself, without thinking about it, walking over to where their nest apparently was underground, and where a number of them were still buzzing angrily about, crouching down and holding my hand out toward them. I'm guessing it was a reiki thing -- the energy healing that I do -- but they started to calm down and returned to their nest. That raised a couple eyebrows (including my own!). Then I did reiki on the friend who'd been bit, and by the time I was done, the swelling around the bite had actually gone away.
The 2nd instance was at my counselor's house. We had finished my session and I was getting ready to leave when she started talking about her deceased mother, saying she can always feel her with her. Instantly I got a flash of an older woman standing behind my counselor. "Did she have grey hair, and was she a bit taller than you?" I asked. "Yes. Can you see her?" "Uh-huh." "Does she have anything to say to me?" I quieted myself and went within, almost instantly feeling a happiness and a pride. "She is so pleased with what you've done with your life and she is proud of you." As tears began to fill her eyes, a chill ran up my spine, indicating the validity of the information. And as I headed out the door she mentioned how her mom had never gone anywhere, but with my counselor also being a flight attendant, her mom was enjoying the ride. "You're living her dreams!" I blurted out without even thinking. More tears and more spine chills.
The interesting thing is that this was a first for me to do that on the spur of the moment, and with a human. I have numerous cases of working with deceased animals but not so many humans.
The third experience just happened yesterday. I was in this little metaphysical shop giving a sample Medicine Card reading to the owner, to see if I am good enough to read there on a permanent basis (which, of course, I am ;)). I actually finished the reading and was explaining to her my process and how the cards are just a starting point for me to communicate with the animal guides. She stopped me and asked if I could tell what her animal guide was. I just said 'sure' and closed my eyes to see what I could find out. Instantly this big, beautiful swan was there and she sat up in the water and opened her wings. She was pure white and exuding light. I had no idea, when I closed my eyes, what I would be able to do or find out, but I just went for it and there it was. Ta-dah!
This whole process is just so miraculous and magickal to me, and as my garden of experience continues to grow and bloom, I am constantly being blown away and in awe of the beauty of Life in Her spiral dance. There simply are not words, except, maybe...
Ta-dah!!!
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Eat. Drink. Sleep. Pee.
For the past few days I have been sick. Well, maybe a little longer than that, but not until Friday did I feel the need to spend the day in bed. Then Saturday. Then Sunday, today. Albeit I'm starting to feel better now, but just in fits and starts. Enough to run to the grocery store for juice and soup before feeling run down and needing a nap again.
Anyway, this comes directly on the heels of a conscious decision I made to again "return to the cave." To pull into myself a bit, retreat from the world, to nurture and nourish myself. And apparently, from what I heard about the recent New Moon in Cancer, this is perfect timing, for that's exactly what that moon signifies.
The past months have found me becoming highly distracted and mesmerized by the dramas of the world and the dramas of others, and without belittling or judging what anyone else is going through, my personal boundaries and goals were beginning to blur. I realized I had lost sight of my personal north star as well as my inner compass, and so was just sailing in circles at the mercy of wind and wave, my senses lulled to sleep by the siren's song of the world.
But then there came a couple of instances where, though totally emotional, I literally felt as though I'd been kicked in the gut by a couple people. And though it took me a bit of time to recover from those instances, I am so grateful for them because they were the wake up call I needed to rouse my dazed senses and to reset my bearings.
It seems to be at the point where I was resetting that I began to get sick, starting in my throat, the 5th chakra, which is about expressing oneself. Coincidence? I think not. And as I continue to find my way, and set my course of true expression, I am releasing the foreign matters that I had taken aboard and mistakenly identified as my own -- Clearing myself of excess weight and baggage that I may become airborne and set my sights on the second star to the right.
Does that make the sickness any easier? I don't know about easier. I still feel like crap. But it does place it all in a different context, giving it a purpose and a pearl of wisdom which, by itself may not add up to much, but when placed with the treasure trove of other such pearls of experience I have gained, it becomes harder to deny a higher purpose in all of this.
But that's not actually what I had intended to write about in this entry. It has been a long time, since childhood possibly, that I have been this sick for this long. Especially anymore, I may require a day of sleep to feel good enough to re-emerge into the world, but three? So this time has thrown me for a bit of a loop, and made me wonder if I'm taking care of myself enough to heal. I mean, it is 4:30 in the afternoon and I have yet to eat anything. I haven't been drinking a lot of liquids either, except on my occasional trips to the bathroom. That's not, according to the way I was raised, how one gets well.
So this afternoon, those doubts swirling in my head, along with a general cultural guilt for laying in bed for so long, I checked in with my Upperworld Guide, Fred, to ask if I was alright or if I should be doing more to take care of myself through this.
"Are you thirsty?" he asked. "No." "Then don't worry about drinking. Are you hungry?" "No." "Then don't worry about eating. Are you tired?" "Yes." "Then sleep."
That was so simple, so Taoist. Like another Taoist saying I remember hearing: "When hungry, eat. When thirsty, drink. When tired, sleep. When Nature calls, answer."
Thank you Fred. See you after my nap... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Anyway, this comes directly on the heels of a conscious decision I made to again "return to the cave." To pull into myself a bit, retreat from the world, to nurture and nourish myself. And apparently, from what I heard about the recent New Moon in Cancer, this is perfect timing, for that's exactly what that moon signifies.
The past months have found me becoming highly distracted and mesmerized by the dramas of the world and the dramas of others, and without belittling or judging what anyone else is going through, my personal boundaries and goals were beginning to blur. I realized I had lost sight of my personal north star as well as my inner compass, and so was just sailing in circles at the mercy of wind and wave, my senses lulled to sleep by the siren's song of the world.
But then there came a couple of instances where, though totally emotional, I literally felt as though I'd been kicked in the gut by a couple people. And though it took me a bit of time to recover from those instances, I am so grateful for them because they were the wake up call I needed to rouse my dazed senses and to reset my bearings.
It seems to be at the point where I was resetting that I began to get sick, starting in my throat, the 5th chakra, which is about expressing oneself. Coincidence? I think not. And as I continue to find my way, and set my course of true expression, I am releasing the foreign matters that I had taken aboard and mistakenly identified as my own -- Clearing myself of excess weight and baggage that I may become airborne and set my sights on the second star to the right.
Does that make the sickness any easier? I don't know about easier. I still feel like crap. But it does place it all in a different context, giving it a purpose and a pearl of wisdom which, by itself may not add up to much, but when placed with the treasure trove of other such pearls of experience I have gained, it becomes harder to deny a higher purpose in all of this.
But that's not actually what I had intended to write about in this entry. It has been a long time, since childhood possibly, that I have been this sick for this long. Especially anymore, I may require a day of sleep to feel good enough to re-emerge into the world, but three? So this time has thrown me for a bit of a loop, and made me wonder if I'm taking care of myself enough to heal. I mean, it is 4:30 in the afternoon and I have yet to eat anything. I haven't been drinking a lot of liquids either, except on my occasional trips to the bathroom. That's not, according to the way I was raised, how one gets well.
So this afternoon, those doubts swirling in my head, along with a general cultural guilt for laying in bed for so long, I checked in with my Upperworld Guide, Fred, to ask if I was alright or if I should be doing more to take care of myself through this.
"Are you thirsty?" he asked. "No." "Then don't worry about drinking. Are you hungry?" "No." "Then don't worry about eating. Are you tired?" "Yes." "Then sleep."
That was so simple, so Taoist. Like another Taoist saying I remember hearing: "When hungry, eat. When thirsty, drink. When tired, sleep. When Nature calls, answer."
Thank you Fred. See you after my nap... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
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