How Great Thou Art

The past couple weeks have been a little rough, and it sounds like it's not just me. A lot of people seem to be going through some very trying emotional times lately. I actually talked more about that in my last entry ("One Man's Sealing..."), but when I tried to tuck the following bit into the middle of that one, it just seemed to cry out for its own attention.

As I said, I was feeling really crappy emotionally, and of course my mind was spinning its wheels trying to figure out why. I had talked to a friend about it one night and she helped me get some perspective. I went to bed feeling better, but still woke up in the morning feeling the same draining, darkness.

After telling my friend about this that morning, she texted me around lunch time to listen to this weekly radio show by a local Reiki Master and Psychic. I thought, "Fine. They must be talking about something that pertains to my situation." Then came another text: "Call her." "Seriously?" "Yes!" ...Gulp!

Fine. I went on my lunch break and I did call in, finally getting through, but they ran out of time before I could talk to this woman. However, because I was listening I found out that she has an after show forum on her website for people who couldn't get on, or who had questions about the show. I ran from my car where I was listening to the radio, and I got on a computer in the office and wrote:

Didn't get the chance to talk to you on the show, but was hoping you might help me get a handle on understanding what is going on with me right now. There's a lot of emotional upheaval, like today where I wake up anxious and full of self-doubt, and at the same time I also know I am at the highest peak spiritually I have been in this lifetime. Could you help me understand what is happening, what I need to do to balance, or what I'm not seeing myself that I need to take care of?

Thank you so much!
~Patrick

I had to wait until my next afternoon break to read her reply, but when I did I realized it was the perfect answer:

Emotions are the gateway to Spirituality so you are right that although there is much upheaval you are engaged in your soul's evolutionary process.

What I sense with you is that your chakras are out of balance and not communicating well together. This feels like torture instead of enlightenment. It is like we don't fit in our own Soul Skin or body consciousness.

I suggest you read this reminder a few times a day to let the energies sink in and permeate your Beingness.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our Light, not our darkness that most frightens us
We ask ourselves, "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?"

Acually, "Who are you not to be?"

You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our Presence
automatically liberates others."

Marianne Williamson "A Return to Love"

This is one of my favorite quotes of all time (even though there is debate concerning who actually said it first). That was exactly what I needed to hear! It reminded me of when in shaman class we met our True Self -- not our Higher Self, that part of us closest to the Universal Mind or Cosmic Consciousness, but the manifestation of our highest potential at its most authentic on this plane. My true Self, incidentally, looks like a cross between Davy Crockett and Robin Hood, with green leather medieval style clothing --with dags and fringes -- and a permanent grin that easily breaks into a raucous laugh when I/he throw back my/his head. Anyway, the energy of this True Self is huge and I could feel my aura expand exponentially, filling the entire room and beyond. Then our teacher says, "Now open your eyes and look around at all the beautiful True Selves around you, and notice that there is enough room here for everyone's True Self!"

Since that forum, reading that quote every day, I have felt increasingly better. And despite occasional periods of confusion and emotional upheaval, I really do need to pat my self on the back for coming so far out of my shell in such a relatively short period of time, if in no other way then by the example of my writing this blog. I keep hearing other people saying similar things about being guided to hold back no longer and to put themselves out there. The time has come to express ourselves. And this returns me to the words of my favorite poet:

I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable,I sound my barbaric YAWP over the roofs of the world~Walt Whitman

That then is truly what my blog is. This is my --

YAWP!