Today's Special Guest

For my day-job I work in a warehouse -- basically a concrete box. Not a likely place for wildlife at all. Yet I found this little green frog inside the warehouse. Goes to prove when animal guides need your attention, they will get it! I have yet to decipher what his message is but he definitely got my attention.

Smoke Signals

I am finally starting to get the idea that this whole internet thing has its good points. I have a couple of dear friends in other countries that I would never have met otherwise. Not that I've technically met them yet, but it's amazing how close you can get to someone you've never seen face to face.

Anyway, one of them lives in Sri Lanka, and we will chat live maybe once a week online when our individual schedules intertwine between the 12 1/2 hour difference -- usually on the weekend when I don't have to worry about getting up in the morning. So one night this past weekend I checked to see if she was online. Since I had just chatted with her the night before on a 'school night,' I thought she might be on at the same time so that we could talk longer. "Oh well," I thought when she wasn't, and went to check her facebook page to see what she was up to or what might be going on. What I found was a status, written a bit cryptically but I knew it meant trouble.

What had happened I didn't know for sure, just that "every thing's falling apart," and my blood ran cold. I knew she was having some challenges in her life, had just chatted to her about them the night before and thought things had smoothed out a bit. Apparently not!

I don't know if there's anything more frustrating than knowing someone you care about is having trouble, and having no possible way of reaching them, even just to let them know you are thinking of them. The internet is our only physical means of connection and without that she may as well be... well... on the other side of the world.

So I did what I could with this only bridge between us, sending an email telling her I was worried and to please contact me, and writing on her facebook wall the same basic thing saying that I would stay up all night if I had to until I heard from her. And though I dozed intermittently, I slept with my computer, and wrote on her wall about once an hour to let her know I was still there. I can't help it if Chivalry still runs hot through my veins!

Before retiring, though, I did the only other thing I could think of, or that I was drawn to do, to help shamanically and that was to smudge. Smudging is the process of burning various plants or woods, each carrying a specific purpose, the most common being the burning of sage for the clearing and cleansing of energy, whether it's a person or a home. I have done this a number of times for a number of people, cleaning out old energies that linger in their home, but it had always been in person -- when I began that night I didn't even know it was possible to do it long distance.

Anyway, I pulled out my smudging stuff and started by burning some cedar. Cedar carries the properties of protection, and so I started with that to send that energy to my friend, along with numerous prayers to Artemis, my Matron goddess and Protector of Women, to guide and protect her. I saw the smoke creating a bubble of sacred space around my friend.

Then I pulled out the sage, burning that in an effort to clear whatever dark energies and thought patterns were haunting her, to help her mind to clear so she would be able to see through the confusion of emotions swirling around her.

I then burned lavender, in my mind as a way of filling the space I'd just cleared, this protective bubble, with calmness and peace. And to seal the deal I burned more cedar -- perhaps a bit more than I needed to as I now have a few more divots in my couch where stray bits burned and popped off (and as a further insight I recommend you never burn cedar while you are shirtless -- just sayin'.).

I finally heard back from her around 8 the next morning and she was alright. She said the storm in her head had subsided and she was feeling okay and strong. "Hmmm," I thought, and told her what I had done with the smudging. Whatever I did must have worked, it really must, she said not believing how different she felt in light of what had happened earlier that day.

All I could reply with was to say, "One of these days I'm going to stop being surprised that the things I do actually work and help people!"

...One of these days...

Food For The Soul

It is so interesting how things shift, balance out, and play against each other. The very next day after that last post about being so grateful for finding my way, feeling like I know what I'm doing, and being on top of my world, I had the opportunity to examine the direct opposite.

It was my first night doing readings at a book store/coffee shop/music lounge in Redmond, and I was actually more nervous than I expected to be. The day had been a blur of Mercury retrograde miscommunication and near misses, so by the time I got to the store I was pretty ungrounded, shaky, and anxious -- probably not the best state to be in for readings. I went to the coffee counter to get a chai, and the barista dude excitedly told me about his experiences with Medicine Cards -- using them to find his 9 different animal totems (one for each of the 7 directions and one for walking along each side) -- and I shrunk a bit. I purposely don't do that kind of thing with the cards, preferring contact with some one's animal guides be more personal, either through my contacting them and relaying info or, more preferably, guiding someone through a meditation to meet them in a one-on-one situation. My main goal is empowerment of the other person, and the closer connection I can facilitate between human and guide the happier I am.

So I returned to my reading table, feeling even more ungrounded under the pressure of new expectations on me, like I was supposed to know/do something different than what I knew or was doing -- like I was faking it. And I couldn't shake the strange vibe I was getting. It just didn't feel like the same shop that I had been to before, and just recently too when I met with one of the owners to arrange my readings there. Of course I assumed it was me.

I did have one woman come up and show interest because she had read my blog after seeing the info in the store's calendar. My first reaction, though I didn't show it, was "Holy crap! Someone else is reading my blog! Yay!" Quickly followed by my next reaction, "Holy crap! Someone else is reading my blog! Oh crap!" So as I tried to explain the Medicine Cards to someone who had never heard of them before, while still feeling ungrounded and uncertain of myself, I felt another layer of expectations pushing down on me -- Now that I was officially in the public's eye with strangers reading my blog who and how am I expected to be? Am I suddenly a leader or an expert because I'm being read? Am I going to fail because I'm not what people expect? -- Not that she was thinking or expecting anything of the kind. This was all just in my own head -- Shadows of old patterns rising to the surface to be dealt with.

She eventually passed, after first agreeing, because I had no way to take a credit card. After she left I found myself feeling like crap, especially as more and more people were arriving and walking right past me. All those old thoughts of being a failure and 'just who do I think I am anyway?' bounced around between my ears. And this was just one day after I'd had that magnificent experience with the reading in Issaquah!

As it turns out, my first night there was not a normal night at all. The band playing that night was a very popular local band that has a huge cult following. I think this is the vibe I picked up on because the place was eventually packed with people who came only to see the band and nothing else. I sat in the corner and watched everyone zip by, on their way to get as close to the stage as possible, without even noticing me. Apparently not the normal state of affairs there.

As the band started up, and I began to get a bit more grounded from eating something along with the chai, I was able to examine more realistically those thoughts. This had nothing to do with me. It was totally the circumstances and had nothing to do with me or my skills. I was there, free of charge, getting to listen to a band I had heard about but not really ever gotten to listen to, drinking a couple of complimentary chais, and getting unexpectedly reacquainted with an old friend I hadn't talked to in a very long time. All positives. Plus, the drastic changes I expected at my day job never materialized (Yes, I know. I promised a post about that. Coming soon...) so I wasn't in desperate need of money. For all that it wasn't a bad night.

So I finally relaxed into the evening, standing in my corner listening to the band and watching people, knowing that even if I didn't make any money, I was suppose to be there for some reason, even if it was just to be seen by people and to become a familiarity there.

Then I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye, and turned to see a young girl surveying the cards that I had laid out on the table in an effort to entice people over to inquire about them. "Ah!" I thought, "That must be one of the reasons now..." I picked up the deck and told her to pick a card, then sat down with her as I explained what that animal meant. Her eyes went wide and she started looking at the cards on the table asking what each one meant. Pretty soon she had the whole deck in her hands, flipping over one card at a time, and asking what each meant in turn. Ah! Flash cards! The Universe was giving me a pop quiz!

The girl's sister joined us just before the deck ran out, and she started asking questions of her own and clarifying what I was saying. I did a little 3 card reading for her, and felt the wheels turning in her as she digested what I told her. And the younger girl just kept looking up at me all intent, and asked, "How do you remember all of them?" "Well, I've been studying animals all my life, and when you know about their place in the eco-system and their habits, you can see how that relates to what's happening in people's lives." "Oooh!" She replied as I could see the lights go on. She lingered for a long time just looking at the pictures on the cards, and over the next few hours she wandered back a number of times to look at and handle the cards. I could almost hear the spirit animals calling her. I could definitely feel it. Could practically cut it with a knife.

I realized that making no money that night was a small price to pay if I was able to help fan the spark of shamanism in a little girl's heart. Maybe one day down the line she will do a reading for me. That would be priceless!

Gracious Me!

Today I did some readings at Spirit Journey, this wonderful little metaphysical shop in Issaquah, Wa, and when I had finished with the final one, a reading that had tears not only in my client's eyes but in mine as well, I was a bit overcome. It was such an incredible experience it just brought home to me why I am doing this, why I am on this path, and how incredibly amazing this Universe is.

I am so in awe at the way these things work, and so honored to be able to see and feel palpable ways in which I do make a difference in people's lives, and so truly humbled by the trust the Universe has in me to work through me in these ways! Holy crap is that amazing!

To feel that little shift as the Universe clicks into place, and to just say the words that are flowing through my brain, and finding out that what I'm saying hits home in ways that I could not have come close to guessing -- I can't make this stuff up! The feeling of just doing what comes naturally (and suddenly I have a song from Annie Get Your Gun running through my head!), and seeing the effect of that on others in this total feedback loop that keeps feeding me as well as them. How do you describe that in any other way but "magick."

When my client left, I walked back into the room, and as I gathered the cards together from the table, remembering the significance Turkey, the 'give-away bird' of Thanksgiving feasts, played in the reading, I whispered one of my favorite prayers over and over and over again:

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!..."

Closer Than Things A-Peer

There have been a number of instances recently that have hinted to me that I have passed some sort of initiation, that I have gone through some sort of graduation or something. It's very odd. Perhaps it's just me feeling more in my strength and my power, experiencing a level of confidence that I've never known in this life time. Even in the times of questions and doubts when I still experience a whirlwind of emotional upheaval, there is a surety that I feel inside that wasn't there before. Is that the part of me that returned during my Soul Retrieval a few months back?

One way or another, I have felt different specifically around those who have been mentors and teachers to me, or those who I would, in the past, have categorized as better than me, resulting in a spectrum of feelings ranging from intimidation to out-right hero worship. Not that I wouldn't, suddenly finding myself face to face with the Dalai Lama, collapse gracefully into a boneless, giggling, quivering, puddle of jello, but behind those feelings there is a supportive presence that keeps it all in balance. And so what I have been experiencing lately among those I regard with respect and as mentors is a moving up in the ranks and viewing them, or more correctly feeling I'm being viewed, as a peer.

The most dramatic of these happened last week. It was a double-whammy actually. I had just finished a session with my counselor and was saying my good-byes when she told me, "I don't think you need me anymore, at least not as a counselor. We can still talk and meet, but as friends -- and maybe I'll start coming to you for answers now!" Then with a hug and a grin she said, "You are launched!"

I felt a great sense of empowerment as I drove directly from her place to the weekly Jyorei gathering some friends have. And as I was receiving the energy healing, Jeshua appeared to me. Now I've mentioned how I've been talking with Jeshua for years, but that is usually just as a voice, and feeling his nebulous presence. Rarely, in fact only once before, do I ever recall him revealing more of himself than that. But here he was before my mind's eye, full-bodied, dressed in robes very much like you see in biblical pictures. He knelt down on one knee. "I kneel before you and I kiss your hands," and he kissed the open palm of each hand. Still kneeling, he looked up into my face and said, "Truly you are the son of god." Then he stood and, eye to eye, he told me, "Beloved Brother, you are my equal in every way."

I hesitated to post this (I actually wrote it last week) because I was concerned about offending people ("Jesus said what to you?!") or it coming off as an ego trip, then I remembered that this is Jeshua's basic message to everybody. I am just finally, after almost 20 years of hearing it, at a place where I am ready to receive it. And rather than being an ego trip, the opposite is true. I have had few more humbling experiences than this.

Artist In Resonance

I've become quite used to receiving visions of sorts during Jyorei healing sessions, which doesn't surprise me seeing as half the time is spent focusing on the Third Eye Chakra where visions are generally seen. And it is usually no surprise when it is an animal that appears to me in these visions, taking into consideration my ever expanding work with animal spirits. The last Jyorei session I went to was no different in that I did see a vision, and it was of an animal. But there the similarities ended because, whereas normally the animal, being a spirit guide or power animal, is strong and calm in its presence, this animal, a horse, was spooked and frenzied.

This definitely caught me by surprise and I was uncertain what was going on. I saw, and at the same time felt, myself with the horse sending him energy, trying to calm him, but it wasn't working. Then I felt myself let go of trying to send the energy, and just focused on raising my own vibration as high and as peaceful as possible. Almost instantly the horse calmed down and I could feel myself reaching out and running my hand gently down the middle of his long nose.

The revelation that followed this small demonstration was HUGE! Ever since I was little through to right now, fed on the stories of Tarzan and St Francis, I've tried with mixed results to get as close to animals, wild and domestic, as I could. Even before I knew about energy work, I realize now that I was basically sending them energy to try to keep them calm and allow me to approach. As demonstrated by my recent horse vision, this method does not always work. But, and here's the Aha! moment, when you bring yourself to the present and to center and to peace, this has a much better chance of calming another, whether human or beast, simply out of resonance.

Just as a bunch of clocks (the old fashioned kind with pendulums) left in the same room long enough will start ticking at the same rate, or women living together long enough will begin their moon-time synchronistically, when you are in your power focused on the divinity within you, those around you will tend to resonate with your frequency and become centered and balanced as well. Either that or they will become extremely uncomfortable and leave. There are certain people you feel really good around, just by being in their presence. Something about their energy just automatically cheers you up and makes you happy. That's what I'm talking about.

My counselor once told me that whenever someone thinks they know better than another person what is best for that person, there is violence present. It is an act of control, of power over. When I send energy at an animal to try to calm it, in a way that's an act of violence, an act of intrusion which automatically sets up a defensive situation within which calm is not too often a factor.

I think of those scenes in the Kung Fu tv series where Caine calms a frenzied horse simply by being present. He's not trying to change the horse, pushing intentions toward the horse, or trying to force the horse to be anything else. He's just being himself and allowing the horse to resonate with him. It's a yielding, an opening, an invitation, rather than a controlling or forcing. Caine's purity and innocence giving the horse space to return to its own purity and innocence. And the more I practice reiki and shamanic things, the more I realize that this is the way of healing. It is the presence and the mindfulness of the healer that allows another to find healing within themselves; The recognition of one's own divine self first, and then of that same divinity in another that opens a space for healing to take place.

Namaste -- The Divine in me greets the Divine in you

Oel Ngati Kameie -- I see You

Get Along Prairie Doggie

I have noticed recently, in the Medicine Card readings I've given, that a certain card keeps popping up (which is actually a great visual, considering which card it is! :)). Actually there are a number of cards that seem to come up in readings over and over, and that probably defies the laws of probability. Anyway, another thing I've learned through giving readings is that, though the client is the one whom the message is aimed at, it always pertains to me in some way as well. So, as I've watched Prairie Dog peek out of his hole again and again and again through a number of readings, I realized there's a lesson in there for me.

Prairie Dog represents Retreat. When he appears it means it's time to retreat, to pull inside, to regroup. Prairie Dog is a very social, family-oriented creature, so another thing he signifies is recognizing the support group, your friends and family, seen and unseen, that surrounds you. You are not alone! You don't have to do everything!

In the prairie dog community, there is always one individual designated to standing guard, on alert for the hint of danger, and if he senses any, he sends out an alarm that the entire village can hear in order to take cover. Knowing this allows the entire tribe to relax and enjoy themselves, knowing that someone is watching out for them. They don't each have to be on guard, looking for and seeking out every single little threat that may come their way. They are safely in the capable paws of their sentry.

How does this relate to me? This weekend I have chosen to take a "Prairie Dog" weekend and a personal retreat. I am physically and emotional depleted after prolonged challenges at my day job (and staying up til 1am writing in my blog!...), and I need to retreat to where I know I am safe, and where I can sleep and rest and regroup. I plan on spending acouple days at my friend's house out in the country, one of the safest and most magickal places I know of.

In fact I had a small taste of Prairie Dog medicine there last weekend when my friend threw a birthday party for another friend. As usual we had a campfire in her backyard. Everyone sat in chairs around the fire, talking and laughing, and my friend brought out a few blankets to lay on the ground f0r her dogs to lie on. Normally when there's a gathering at her house, I end up sitting on the dog beds, and so it felt natural for me to abandon my chair for the comfort of a near-by blanket. Ahhh! As I lay there, watching the flames at eye-level, one of the dogs came over and curled up with me. Soon I had closed my eyes, listening to the slightly out of focus voices around me, as I drifted into a space I'd forgotten about. A space of safety. A space where I was allowed to let down my guard.

It was the same feeling as the 'happy place' I constantly tried to bring to mind those many years of suffering anxiety and panic attacks. I would place myself back in my childhood on a trip with my family. It was night time so things were dark, except for the lights of passing cars dancing around me as I lay in my sleeping bag in the back of our Winnebago. The soothing vibrations of the motor and the gentle waves of the rolling road lulled me into a peaceful place as I listened to the indistinguishable words spoken between my parents up front, blended with the strains of a John Denver song, while my dad drove us to where ever we were going next. I was safe. I was taken care of. I hadn't a care in the world.

And for a brief time the other night, I visited that place again. Totally safe, surrounded by people who cared for and who watched over me. The warmth of the fire and the warmth of the friendships, and the softness of my canine companion allowed me to let go of everything for a short time. And unencumbered I dozed off to sleep.

If there is a heaven, that's what mine would look like.