Breakfast At Ereshkigal's

As Samhain (pronounced "Sow Win" -- the Celtic term for Halloween) rolls around each year I like to reread this entry to a former private blog I had, of one of the most powerful rituals I've ever taken part in.  It took place a couple years ago with a local Pagan group and still I feel the ripples from it influencing my life to this day -- particularly the promise I made to the Queen of the Underworld...


The other night I took a trip to the underworld. Though it was “just” a ritual, the experience was authentic and powerful. I thought I had come to this gathering to see a couple friends who would be there but, as the rit unfolded, I realized that it was the real reason I was there.

The ritual was centered around Inanna’s descent to the underworld. In the pre-rit discussion, as they were preparing us for what was to come, I felt anxiety rising, and my chest beginning to tighten. I could tell this was not going to be a normal, just-along-for-the-ride type, ritual, but had deeper, more consequential ramifications. I had doubts, and questioned if this was truly something I wanted to take part in. I also knew that I had to go through it, because it was exactly, in a nutshell, what I’ve been doing this season.

We met inside, where we watched Inanna, the Sumerian Queen of Heaven, decide to visit her sister, Ereshkigal, Queen of the Underworld. She was confident because of Her rank with the gods, and who She was, that this would not be a problem. However, we witnessed Her meeting with Ereshkigal’s guardians who literally stripped Her of everything until bowed and shaking, naked and crying, She was ushered into the lower realms. And as Inanna disappeared out the door, into the dark night, one guardian turned to the group, telling us that if we wanted to travel to the underworld, we were to join them outside, along the building.

Once we were lined up outside, we were given blindfolds of gauze, and a rope to hold onto, by which we would be guided through the seven gates to the Queen Herself. So we were led slowly, blindly, through the night and over the rough, mucky ground, sometimes brushing against trees or rocks, and at seven points, as we passed through a ‘gate’, we were asked a question: “Will you release…” What we were asked to release were our power, our relationships, our possessions, our wealth, our bodies, our beauty, our minds. If ever our answer was ‘no’, we would need to let go of the rope and return, but I continued to answer ‘yes’. This is what this whole exploration has been about for me, getting to my core. As we were told at each gate, “These things have no power in this realm. Who are you without them?” That is what my exploration is about. Who am I at my essence, when everything that is not me is removed? It is something I faced on my vision Quest, and here, 6 months later, it seems I needed to be reminded again.

And so, as we neared the Nether Realms, and I let go of more and more of the things that I have wrapped a false identity around, I felt lighter and lighter, until finally we were told to remove our blindfolds. We found ourselves in the Royal Presence of Ereshkigal. A fire burned in a brazier, just off the ground in front of us, and beyond that was a raised platform, a stage, upon which sat the throne of Ereshkigal, and upon which sat Ereshkigal Herself.

What unfolded next was more drama, as Inanna was brought before Her sister -- Her sister filled with anger, bitterness, resentment, and hate for being relegated to the Underworld while Inanna had been raised to become Queen of the Heavens. Inanna, on Her knees, still weeping and asking why, kept crying “It’s not fair”, only to be slapped by Erishkigal who repeated “it’s not fair!” “You will never leave this place Sister!”

Then the Queen of Darkness turned Her attention toward us. She descended the throne, and walked to and fro before us, and though her black attire and skull-painted face seemed aimed at frightening us, there was a beauty and an allure to her that could not be denied. “What were you looking for when you came here? Enlightenment?!” She asked, “Well, you’ve found me, and you best pray that you can find something in your heart to draw you beyond this place, because if I find one spot of darkness in you, my bitterness and resentment and regret and anger will use that opening to eat at you alive from the inside out!”

Now, I guessed that all this was meant to push buttons, make us question ourselves, and even scare us, but having just released all those things, on the journey down to this point, that would bring up such feelings, I could look upon Her with nothing but Love and Compassion, for at my core I knew myself to be Light and Love and Truth. I saw in her a reflection of all the things that distract me and get in the way of my connection with that core, but at that moment, all I was was Love.

She continued by saying that there was no way out of here but through Her. She was the final gate, and we would have to have good reason to be released back into the land of the living. With that She ascended the throne once more, where She sat and motioned each of us before Her, one by one. As we filed up, I watched Her interact with the others. Despite Her rage and bitterness, she showed quite a bit of tenderness, reaching out and holding someone’s hands, placing her hand on the top of someone’s head, or beneath their chin. Still I felt a tinge of anxiety as my turn arrived, in fact enough anxiety that I wasn’t paying attention and tripped going up the steps. D’oh! I regained my composure, approached Her Majesty, and knelt at Her feet. Looking up into Her eyes I knew for certain I was kneeling before a Goddess and no mere human.

“What would bind you to my realm?” “Low self esteem,” I answered. “Ah yes. When I close my eyes I can see that you appear this big.” She held Her fingers a couple inches apart. “But you are not this big. You know this!” “Yes.” “If I release you from my realm you will take all of you, your full size with you. You may leave that little you here, but you will take the rest with you.” “Yes.” “Now, what ties you so strongly the Land of the Living?” “Love, Creation…” “Ah! Creation!” She sat back, closing Her eyes. “I remember that well! I was quite fond of Creation, but I have nothing to do with that now,” She said, a sliver of bitterness slipping back into Her words. She opened Her eyes, sat forward again, and once more I found myself captivated by the beautiful eyes of the Divine. “You will not waste this?” She asked, though more as a command than a question. “No.” “You will live and you will create?” There was the sense of personal purpose in this, of not allowing anything to interfere with it. “I will.” “Then go,” She said, tilting her head toward the far end of the stage.

Once we had all been released, Ereshkigal again addressed Inanna, telling Her to get up from where She had lain, next to the throne, this whole time. She rose, to be told again that She would not be permitted to leave. Inanna protested, saying She had done all that had been demanded of Her. At this point, a priest stepped forward, addressing Ereshkigal, saying it was the Law that if She could find some soul to take Inanna’s place, the Queen of Heaven must be released. He waved a hand toward us saying, “There are plenty of souls here. Choose one.” “Wait!” Cried Inanna. “This is my shade.” She pulled the same gauzy fabric that our blindfolds were made of, from about Her head. “This is all my bitterness and fears, you may keep these.” She descended the stairs and tossed the gauze into the flames. She stood, once again naked, before the Queen of the Underworld, but no longer shaking or crying.

“Your requirements have been fulfilled. Thank you Sister. I have learned a lot from you, and for that I will always be grateful.” Inanna’s friend and companion, then draped a robe over the Heavenly Queen’s shoulders, and She turned to us, directing us to throw our blindfolds into the fire. When all had done so, leaving behind the things that blinded us to our true natures, Inanna told us to clasp hands, and She thusly guided us back to the Land of the Living.

On the way back, only one question had we to answer – “Will you live?”

“Yes!”