Embracing Bear

It is so very interesting how things come around again and again and again.  Almost exactly four years ago, around Mabon (Autumn Equinox), I began my first blog.  It was private and just for a select few to share, and was a tool for me to process the changes taking place in my life at the point.  Four months earlier than that I'd gone on a Vision Quest that was a huge turning point for me, and nothing has been the same since. 

Now again I find myself at Mabon in the midst of the biggest changes of my life; Changes that make the transitions I went through four years ago look like a cake walk.  Again I'm feeling drawn to "go up on the hill" in order to process and integrate the changes cascading through my life, to consult with my guides and ancestors and commune with the spirits of Nature, and to cry for a vision of my next steps toward  my  greatest possible future.  In fact, this coming weekend I plan on scouting out a suitable spot for another Vision Quest.  And again I feel a tug to look back on where I'd been and how far I've come, hence the reading of my original blog that I didn't realize had been started at this same time of year.  As I read the words I wrote back then, I could have written them today, only now they have a depth and richness that I missed the first time around.    

The timeliness of all this is amazing, as I share a journey I did on that Mabon that is as applicable to this Mabon we just celebrated:

I journeyed to the Lower World to meet my animal guide, Nathaniel, who is a reindeer. Nathaniel took me to a beach where the sun was perpetually setting. We sat on the smooth rounded rocks looking at the water as people walked and jogged unhurriedly by, the atmosphere very relaxed, punctuated by occasional laughter and snippets of cordial conversation. He told me it was time to breathe, to relax, and to let go. As everything around me glowed with the reflection of the orangey-red sun, he said to see the beauty of things in a new light. "Get comfortable with transistion. It's what keeps the extremes from crashing into each other. Balance -- That's your sign right? Libra?"

I complained that I couldn't enjoy it because I still felt tension from the past.

"Of course you still have tension from the past. You are in transition, carrying both past and future with you. But you are removed from the bustle of the past as we are removed from the city you can see on the horizon there."

With that we sat silently on the beach til it was time for me to return. I thanked him, kissed his big fuzzy nose, and came back to my body.

There are huge things a-foot in my life right now, and as the wheel turns to the dark half of the year I'm finding myself looking forward to the quiet, to the contemplation, to the stillness.  And I long for that dark womb-space of the Cosmic Mother.  I long to tumble and float through that night of infinite possibilities where, like the title of my initial blog, I'll be
Embracing Bear; Dreaming With Dark Mother.

Image Copyright Susan Seddon Boulet