Embrace Leopard, Return to Mountain

Actually the original phrase this post is named after is "Embrace Tiger, Return to Mountain."  It is the name of a set of Tai Chi moves, and there seems to be a lot of debate over the meaning of the phrase.  The one that resonates with me, though, is one where the "Embrace Tiger" part refers to the claiming of one's power -- gathering and owning of every bit of your power no matter how wild, scattered, misunderstood, light, or shadow.  In other words it is integration. In Chinese Mythology the gods are shown riding tigers, but for a mortal to do so shows a willingness to face difficult powers, situations, and challenges.  In fact part of Embracing Tiger means you are facing the tiger.  Tigers will generally not attack from the front, but prefer to sneak up behind their prey.  For this reason many people in tiger territory wear masks on the back of their heads to keep tigers from attacking from the rear. So to Embrace Tiger you have to turn around to face whatever it is that is hunting you, your personal demons, and embrace, accept, love them.  Once you have done so you can "Return to Mountain." Return to stillness, source, home. 

Embracing one's own power and returning home.  I can not tell you how appropriate this is in representing where I am on my path right now.  

So in my version, how did Tiger shift into Leopard?  A few weeks ago, in the weekly "Totem Tuesday" post on my Perching Wolf Studios Facebook page, I covered Snow Leopard.  I have worked with Snow Leopard for years so already have a close relationship with him, but in the process of looking deeper into his medicine, I read some things that resonated with me, particularly something that spoke of  "the two-legged beside whom Snow Leopard walks." Holy crap that's me!  I realized I had the perfect guide to the higher realms as I set out on an inner journey of self-discovery.  

It's interesting that one aspect of Snow Leopard's medicine is about integration, as above, and always returning to the light.  Another interesting thing I discovered when researching the original phrase is that there are some who claim the translation of the aforementioned phrase from Chinese is Leopard rather than Embrace.  And there is Indian folklore of a big cat that is a cross between Leopard and Tiger that they call a 'Dogla.'  But that's another tangent which may or may not play into this journey of mine... 

So, fully cognizant of the beginning of a new Hero's Journey, I officially asked Snow Leopard to be my guide.  As I've noticed with other journey's beginnings, though I am filled with wonder and excitement about what I will uncover and find, there is also a certain amount of resistance, and downright dread that undermines the excitement.  These past couple weeks, rather than an increase in power I have felt doubtful, self-judgmental, and scared, asking myself if I'm sure I'm not crazy.  Rather than clarity, my head has been filled with a tired fuzziness.  It's been all I can do sometimes to just get out of bed in the morning and get to my day job.   

The other night I went to sleep on my couch, as I sometimes do when I'm feeling lost and/or lonely. Being able to snuggle into two soft, cushy surfaces makes me feel more secure, like being held.  As I was falling asleep, I asked Nathaniel to come watch over me while I slept. He was there instantly, and I actually shed a few tears in relief. I nuzzled in to the back of the couch which had become his side, the pillow was his shoulder, and then I felt him arch his neck around so his head rested, in turn, on my side. 

I slept exceptionally well, my habitual defenses retracted and relaxed knowing someone else was on guard. And so it wasn't until I began to rouse toward morning that awareness dawned on me of the presence of another guardian who had slipped between the veils of the night to join my stalwart, ungulate companion on watch. 

I felt and saw the cat though my back was toward where he lounged, casually licking the pads of an enormous paw. He stopped and looked up, realizing I'd sensed him, then pausing just long enough to cast a penetrating stare, he returned to cleaning his pads. The strange thing is that it was like he couldn't settle on which big cat he wanted to be. Oh, the majority of his time was spent as a snow leopard, but every so often the features of a white tiger superimposed themselves briefly over the snowy face.  

When I fully awoke I realized Snow Leopard had answered my request, though I'm still looking forward to finding out more about the Leopard/Tiger connection.  And it was this experience that spurred on the research into this post's title phrase.  Since that night I have been aware of Snow Leopard following me around my day job, not so much hearing as feeling his huge paws plodding on the concrete warehouse floor behind me, kind of like feeling the boom of a canon. 

At the beginning of this year I declared it my personal Year of Blazing Trails, and I have noticed when I make such declarations that it is generally not until the Autumn of that year that I start to notice the effects. So here I am in the tenth month of the year setting out to blaze trails, to explore, and to discover my undiscovered countries.