The Ex Files

It has been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon... I recently, consciously, made the decision that I was ready to date again. After taking some time off from relationships, I'm feeling more comfortable in my own skin and feel a desire to attract someone special into my life -- this time taking it slow and trying not to fly before learning to walk.




The interesting part is that, since making that decision, I have in one way or another crossed paths with all my exes. I logged onto my LiveJournal account (which I don't use anymore) and it popped me to my ex-wife's journal. I was invited to a movie night last Friday, and when I accepted the invitation, I noticed ex-girlfriend #2 was also invited (she didn't show up). I was doing research for a series of tarot drawings I'm doing for my Art Book Circle, and I stumbled across this artist that was the absolute favorite of ex-girlfriend #1. I spent 7, surprisingly enjoyable, hours with ex-girlfriend #3 on the day before Valentine's Day, relieved to think that maybe we could still be friends, only to get a text the next day that she didn't want even friendship. Saturday night, after a birthday dinner for a couple other friends, we all walked through Seattle to get to a hotel where we could sit and talk over coffee, and the hotel turned out to be the one my ex-wife stayed at her last time out here from Kentucky.




To me it seems to be a sort of clearing of the playing field and making room for someone else to make an entrance. It's been like a parade, each one showing up, sometimes multiple times, just to demonstrate to me that my time with them is complete -- that I've truly released them from my path and that my feelings toward them are pretty neutral. I wish them well, but am not emotionally invested in their path. And I'm realizing how grateful I am to each of them for their roles in helping me become who I am now, for helping me narrow in on what it is I'm looking for in a relationship, and helping me to shed a lot of old ideas and self-images that were getting in the way of my self-worth, and therefore to attracting someone who is as incredible as I am! :)



My ideas of Love and relationships have changed radically in the 4 years (1... 2... 3... yeah, 4!) since I left my marriage (and yes, all 3 girlfriends occurred in that time period --my ex-wife having been my first ever girlfriend in a relationship that spanned 18 years), and I am, probably for the first time, feeling truly ready for Love. ...Atleast as ready as is possible with an unpredictable, intangible, mystery...