Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam

Off and on, since the early 90s, I’ve been attending a monthly channeling meeting where Jeshua Ben Joseph, Jesus, has been speaking through a friend of mine. Jeshua’s main teaching can basically be stated as “There is no separation”. Because of this, and one of the things that set him apart from other channels I’d been to, he told us that we had but to listen and he would talk to us. Individually. In our own minds. He is not separate from us.

Now, since I was a boy raised in the Catholic Church I have always talked to Jesus, but to have the chance for him to speak back? Heck yeah! Taking him at his word I began speaking to him. This time, though, pausing and quieting my mind to give him space to talk. And so have we been conversing back and forth ever since.

“But wait”, you might say, “I thought you were Pagan. Why are you talking to Jesus?” I have always felt a connection to him, and despite any disagreements I might have with various of his followers, I support anyone whose main message is Love. Plus my spiritual practice and views of today stand on the shoulders of my youth. Where others may see a reversal of beliefs, I see a natural progression. I still pray to the same God I always did. I can’t help it if in the mean time He grew a womb! The “Pagans For Jesus” support group meeting begins in 5 minutes… :)

The reason I mention these things is that they relate to some interesting developments in a couple of sessions I’ve had in the past couple weeks with my counselor (who I’ve realized is really more of a life coach than a counselor). I am so fortunate to have found a person who encourages me to listen to the voices in my head rather than trying to medicate me against them!

Anyway, in the first session I was telling my counselor something I’d asked Jeshua and what his answer was, and she excitedly asked, “Do you want to ask him about this now?” “Sure,” I answered. “Do you need me to close my eyes or leave the room or anything?” “No,” I grinned, closing my eyes , “You’re fine.”

It only took a moment to ask and hear his response before I reported his answer. I continued discussing it with my counselor like normal, only, for the first time ever, I kept hearing Jeshua piping in with his two cents worth. Normally I have to initiate an exchange with a question and I only hear an answer when I quiet myself. Here I was hearing Jeshua chiming in over and over on his own while the other two of us were speaking. This happened 3 or 4 times, my counselor more and more astonished each time, until finally she said, “Wow! He’s really chatty isn’t he!” I started giggling. “What’d he say now?” She asked excitedly. "He said, 'You don’t know the half of it!'” Having watched the whole channeling process from the very beginning with my friend, when Jeshua was just starting to make himself known to her, I recognized my moving one step closer to doing that myself.

The second incident came a week later. It had been a pretty run of the mill session and we were very close to the end. We were discussing all the ways, since leaving my marriage, I had become more and more my authentic self in almost every arena of my life. I think I mentioned before how facebook has helped me by showing my same face to everyone in my world, and starting this blog was a step further, really trusting my guidance and putting myself out there. The only place I haven't done so is with my parents. I mean my blog is open to everyone so it is probably inevitable that eventually they will find out about it and possibly read it. But they really don't know who I am, and perhaps it is a dis-service to keep them in the dark. But as time goes on and my life expands in so many directions, I truly have less and less things to talk to them about. Less and less do our worlds overlap, at least in a way that wouldn't freak them out.

So my counselor and I were discussing this and she suggested I write them a letter, reintroducing myself to them, tracing my growth back to my childhood, and showing them the natural evolution of my spiritual life. It may seem a small thing, but before I started this blog, I had nightmares about my parents finding out and what they would think or do. Not quite as bad as my nightmare where Pat Robertson became President, but darn close.

So obviously I have issues around this and need to address it because, if I'm not my authentic self in one aspect of my life, it undermines the rest of my life. And it became apparent (no pun intended) that to step into my full glory, I needed to step out of the shadow of what my parents think. I also need to allow them their own reactions and judgements of who I authentically am, and not wear a mask pretending to be more acceptable and less threatening in their eyes. I am who I am, and my life, beliefs, and experiences are valid and unchangeable by what anyone else may think or do.



So this is where the conversation was going, and my counselor concluded by saying, "I think that's the final piece of the puzzle!" That's when it happened. As she finished her sentence,the only 2 lights that were on in the room went out. No other lights in the house were affected and there was no reason for these ones to go off. My counselor, visibly shaken, kept asking, "Patrick! What was that?!" I just sat there with no answer as she stood up and turned the other house lights on and off to see if they still worked. Which they did.




She sat down again mentioning how she'd just been talking to someone about how sometimes street lights go out when she goes under them, a common occurrence for me too -- especially on walks with my best friend. But she'd never experienced anything this directly and blatantly before. Truthfully neither had I. I realized it was a sign, but it just seemed so natural that it didn't rattle me. I still didn't know what it meant, so she asked if I wanted to ask Jeshua. "Sure but let me go pee first!"

While in the bathroom I asked Jeshua what the meaning was behind the lights going out (I do a lot of talking to Jeshua in the bathroom). "You are the only light you need," was his answer and I felt him smiling. It was definitely a validation that my counselor and I were on the right track, and that no more needed to be said after her last statement. There was also a distinct feeling of some sort of graduation or something, like I had just crossed some line into greater understanding or something. The scene from the Kung Fu tv series popped into my head, where Caine snatches the pebble from his master's hand -- "Time for you to go."
I am the only light I need. Jesus really does want me for a sunbeam.