Twas The Night Before The Night Before Christmas...

Sleeping In Heavenly Peace

Last week had been a big week for lessons. The biggest lesson being: I am not alone; Nor am I expected to handle everything on my own. It's funny because I couldn't possibly count the number of times I've told people that same thing in Medicine Card readings -- usually upon the appearance of Ant in the cards, bringing the medicine of Patience, along with the knowledge that you have an entire hive working with you. You are totally supported and no matter how small your piece of the puzzle looks, there are countless others working with you, carrying their own piece of the puzzle, toward the same goals.

It was kind of a lesson in 2 parts, starting roughly over the weekend when I was not feeling like myself. I was anxious and twitchy, over-stimulated and awash with self-doubt, going through an emotional ringer and feeling very much alone -- and yet needing to be alone. I had a couple of plans that weekend which I cancelled because I really did feel the need to be alone and go inside to sort things out. This actually resulted in 3 different friends who I haven't talked to in months, calling me, and each conversation made me cry as each one reconnected with me and reminded me of who I am, and what I mean to them. One friend called specifically because she heard I had cancelled the plans because I'd hit a rough patch and she wanted to make sure I was alright. And being a Vedic Astrolger, she knew she had information that would help give my feelings a context on a higher perspective. Not only am I not alone because I have friends that care about me -- even after months of no contact -- but also in being connected to others going through very similar trials on their path of growth because of the ebb and flow of cosmic energies, as well as the synchronized growth of the collective unconscious.

Then I found out that one of my closest friends was in the hospital, and the doctors weren't sure what was wrong. I tried to set my crummy feelings aside and went to see her for a couple days in a row to cheer her and to give her reiki. After the second night I was in pretty bad shape. I had a terrible head-ache and was getting progressively more nauseous. I thought I had put pretty good protection around me, like my teacher taught us, and I had called on my guides to walk with me and hold me in light, but still found the atmosphere there to be extremely oppressive with feelings of despair and hopelessness, as well as this very uncomfortable separation from the earth and anything natural.

Anyway, when I got home the second night, another friend called me to see how I was doing, and when we got off the phone she started working long-distance healing on me, helping to clear all of my chakras. Meanwhile, I prayed to my guides for help, particularly Jeshua and Mother Mary. Jeshua is always there, and I have a very strong connection with Mother Mary -- I think I've mentioned before how every night as a teenager, while lying in bed saying my rosary before falling asleep, I would feel her presence hovering over me and felt her energy wrap around me like angel wings. Well, that was exactly what I asked for now. I needed comforting, and I needed revitalization big time. And I needed to know that all this stuff is real -- that I really wasn't alone and did have guides looking over me.

As I fell asleep I felt Jeshua standing at my bedside, Mary's familiar angel wings enveloping me, and I got the image of my Upper World guide, Fred, pulling up some covers to tuck me in. I felt totally surrounded in, and infused with love -- totally relaxed and soaking it in like a sponge. And again I wonder, " How could I ever doubt these things?!" I don't remember the last time I had such a restful night's sleep!

The next morning on my way to work, feeling 500% better, Jeshua told me, with that ever-present twinkle, "Stop pushing so hard and enjoy the ride for awhile!" Duh! I had been really pushing lately, thinking it was up to me, and me alone, to figure out everything in my life and forgetting that I am not alone and all I really need to do is let go and allow things to flow, be like water, and trust.

Okay. So I will stop 'pushing the river' and will try to remember that all I have to do is steer the ship -- There are others whose job and joy it is to fill my sails.

Thank you guys! Second star to the right and straight on til morning!...

Every Footstep

I seem to have crossed another new threshold. This past week, for the first time ever, I posted, as my facebook status, a quote I received directly from one of my own guides, as opposed to reprinting a quote from someone else or one of their guides. Might not sound like a big deal, but it seemed a pretty significant step to me.

So it had been a rough couple of weeks and I was talking to Fred, my Upper World spirit teacher, and saying how all this stuff was coming up lately that I thought I'd already dealt with years ago. It felt like I was going backwards. Fred, in his ever calm, patient, smiling manner, said --

"Every step is a step forward. Your internal pedometer doesn't have a reverse."

It was something I had kind of realized before, but the way he put it just seemed so profound and yet so simple. And it was exactly the perfect thing that I needed to hear.

I'm not sure what prompted me to post it, but I did it with hardly a thought about it. I guess it just seemed like something that needed to be shared, and in retrospect I realize it was also a way of taking another step into my power and claiming my abilities. I do talk to spirits and they do have a certain tendency to say some pretty prfound things. Apparently it is time to start sharing those things rather than playing it safe and keeping them to myself. I've been feeling lately like I really need tobuild more confidence, but I guess posting something in public, that you and ou alone heard, in your head, from a spirit, probably demostrates a certain degree of confidence, huh? ...probably...

Anyway, the quote itself reminded me of a song I'd written about 15 years ago, which I also wanted to share here as well:

EVERY FOOTSTEP

Here I stand where my heart is free

The Universe arrayed about me

With every possible path laid at my feet

Every time my pathway changes

All the Universe rearranges

To bring my back where circles are complete

Every moment is a new beginning

And every heart beat is a new song singing

And I wonder where I thought I might have been

No matter how far I may seem to journey

There's just no way to leave eternity

And every footstep brings me home again

With my heart I realign

In clarity the choice is mine

For what it is I truly wish to find

I choose my path in perfect freedom

Knowing each way fin'ly leads on

To the place we've never left behind

And every moment is a new beginning

And every heart beat is a new song singing

And I wonder where I thought I might have been

No matter how far I may seem to journey

There's just no way to leave eternity

And every footstep brings me home again

Brings me home

Once again

Reindeer Games

Over Thanksgiving I got to go back to visit my family in Minnesota. I only had a couple of days, so it was a shorter than normal stay, and because of that I decided to spend it just with my family rather than trying to hook up with friends who still live there.

It is an old long-held family tradition that the Friday after Thanksgiving is the day to get the Christmas tree. It was nice to be able to take part in this since we didn't get to observe the other old long-held family tradition -- that the day before Thanksgiving is the day to go see Santa Claus at Dayton's department store (I think they were bought out by Macy's) in St Paul. They always have a theme, like Mary Poppins, Willy Wonka, Winnie-the-Pooh, and set up animatronics to tell the story as you walk through this labyrinthine path on the way to see Santa.

So anyway, we were heading out across a blustery snow-covered field toward the trees, and my brother had brought along sleds to pull his youngest and a young cousin on. At one point I took the rope that tied the sleds together and just started sprinting across the field, with them laughing gleefully in tow. Not that this is something I wouldn't have done anyway, but when I was done I thought to myself, "Where did that come from?" I mean I had just been champing at the bit to get a hold of the rope since my brother first brought it out.

I shrugged it off and went to help my parents cut their tree, saying prayers to the spirit of the tree, thanking it for giving up its life in the woods and giving it an image of the joy it would bring my family when all lit up in their livingroom. I got the feeling that, since this was a Christmas tree farm, the trees having been planted with that intention and purpose in mind, as well as picking up the thoughts and feelings of countless people through the years trodging through their woodland home, had some idea of what they were in for, and were happy to be a part of this celebration.

Once the tree came down, and my parents had walked away a little bit, I gave an offering to the spirit of the tree and the spirits of the place, again thanking them for their gift. Tobacco is the normal offering of choice, but not having any with me for the trip, I followed what a friend had told me her teacher had taught her -- If you have nothing else to give, leave a bit of your hair. So I left a bit of hair tucked into the stump, with a bit of excitement at the thought of becoming part of some bird's nest.

As my parents sorted out the extra branches and boughs that my mom would turn into a wreath, I walked off toward where my brother's family were scouting out trees. I was walking along this little ridge when, out of the corner of my third eye I saw movement through the snow down below. Images of Nathaniel, my reindeer power animal flashed through my mind and I realized he was running through the snow, kicking up his hooves, and bellowing for all he was worth. Someone was happy to be playing in the snow and the cold! I couldn't help smiling, thinking of how excited he must be to trade rainy ole Seatle for the chance to dig his hooves and antlers into snow again.

"Ah!" I thought. That explains the sled pulling. Nathaniel has come through before when I've been dancing, but this was a little different, and I got the distinct feeling that it was under his influence that pulling the sleds looked so appealing!

I found my brother and, after more prayers, and more hair offerings to his fallen tree, I headed back to where my parent's tree was still lying in the snow. I thought, "Alright Nathaniel. Here we go!" And I picked up the bottom of the tree and dragged it, back across the tundra of the fields, to where the cars were. Apparently I surprized my dad who thought it would take at least two of us to move the hefty tree.

Actually it did take two of us... :)