The I of the Storm

I have mentioned before what Artemis keeps telling me, "Be the eye of the storm," and I've been pretty much like, "That's cool. I get it." Perhaps I did get it, but the incredible thing is that it keeps getting deeper. Everytime I 'get it' I find out there's another level I haven't got yet. The gift that keeps on giving -- everytime you have it in your grasp, thinking it to be complete, you find out there's another piece you don't have that will add a whole new dimension to it. Pretty cool!

So what huge revelation have I had about it this time? I'm not sure I'll be successful, but I will try to put it into words. It's really about identity, about who I am. About what I am. Interesting that I keep using the same phrase-- I am. It is about the "I am" of me, the essence, the be-ing of me.

It's recognizing my identity outside of time and space (Oh no! He's going all "woo-woo" on us!), recognizing what is me and what isn't me. Anything that is temporal is not me, not who I am. Therefore any attachment I put onto temporal things as to who I am, number 1, is not true, and number 2, will be worn away by the storm -- painfully or painlessly depending on how insistent my attachment is.

In other words any attachment I place on something temporal, it automatically pulls me out into the storm to be bashed around as I struggle to hold on to something, an identity that isn't mine. It pulls me off center, putting greater value on some thing (a thought pattern, a definition, a favorite shirt...) than on my true identity.

I keep returning to one of the first, and one of the best, metaphysical books I've ever read: The Nature of Personal Reality by Jane Roberts. Jane was a medium who channeled a being named Seth, and this is one of the books he dictated through her. His main point -- You create your own reality. I love the imagery he uses of your life, and everything around you, being a reflection of you, like your breath upon a window. The world around you is a natural result of your being, it is arrayed around you, and changes as you do.

That's why the more I try to control circumstances outside of me, the more futile it becomes because I am trying to change a result, not the source -- like taking care of the symptoms rather than the cause. And conversely, the more I let go of the outside world, not lacing it with expectations of certain outcomes, waiting for outside things to change for me to feel better, the more harmonious my world flows and the better I feel.

I keep being drawn back into what I learned in Tai Chi (which I am attempting to once again work into my everyday schedule) and how it's a relaxing into the center that makes you stronger, not the tightening up and pushing outward. The latter actually puts you have balance and allows outside forces to have better control of you. The experiential component of this for me was walking from one end of a fallen tree to the other. If I started to lose my balance and I tightened up and got all stiff, I was almost certain to fall of the tree. But if I started to lose my balance and I relaxed, my center of gravity lowered, I became more grounded, and (most of the time) was able to stay on the tree. It's the letting go and moving back into your center that allows you to keep balanced.

And so I am learning to remain in my center, my eye (I) and allow the world around me to spin in it's beautiful kaleidoscopic dance, reflecting more and more the wonders and miracles of my true being.

I am never quite sure if my words get across what I'm trying to say, finding that sometimes poetry works better for expressing that. And in that vein I am including a song I wrote years ago that sums it up nicely...

EVERY FOOTSTEP

Here I stand where my heart is free

The Universe arrayed about me

With every possible path laid at my feet

Every time my pathway changes

All the Universe rearranges

To bring me back where circles are complete

Every moment is a new beginning

And every heart beat is a new song singing

And I wonder where I thought I might have been

No matter how far I may seem to journey

There's just no way to leave Eternity

And every foot step brings me home again

With my heart I realign

In clarity the choice is mine

For what it is I truly wnat to find

I choose my path in perfect freedom

knowing each way finally leads on

To the place we never left behind

Every moment is a new beginning

and every heart beat is a new song singing

And I wonder where I thought I might have been

No matter how far I may seem to journey

There's just no way to leave Eternity

And every foot step brings me home again