Unicorn in the Closet

So the other day I was at work, minding my own business, and going about my duties. I believe I was packing a box for shipment. Suddenly I felt this strange but familiar wave of bliss wash over me. I had been getting these for a few days, and didn't know exactly what was going on, shrugging it off as more energy shifts that have become common-place for me. But this day I remembered something. Many years ago I had been experiencing these same sort of feelings, again not knowing what they were, until by chance I heard someone describe exactly what I was experiencing then say, "That's how you know when the unicorns are around."

"Duh!"

"Hi Amaranth. How are you?" I smiled, silently greeting my unicorn spirit guide. Again that same wave washed over me, as if he were giving me a hug. Unlike most of my other guides, Amaranth normally doesn't really 'speak.' I don't normally hear words in my head with him, but just feel his presence, which ordinarily is enough -- There's not a lot that needs to be said with unicorns, seeing that they are the very embodiment of Truth and Purity. There's not much more ever needed but their very presence.

This time was a bit different. This time, I got the distinct impression that Amaranth was chuckling to himself, and, though it didn't seem to be in the form of a linear sentence, a message popped, fully formed, into my mind which basically said, "So you promised to talk about unicorns in your blog. When's that going to happen, huh?" I literally broke out with a laugh, which I quickly stifled, looking around to make sure no one had heard or noticed. They hadn't, and I began chuckling to myself.

So, unicorns...

I don't remember a time when unicorns weren't a part of my life. I've always been drawn to them (and I've always drawn them). People have given me gifts of various unicorns, because they reminded them of me, and in a way I've always identified with them.


They are, as I said above, the very embodiment of Truth and Purity. They are the presence of Light itself. And they are the essence of wild, untamed, innocence that I have difficulty putting into words or describing to people, because most people don't seem to draw a connection between 'wild' and 'innocent.'

But these are the very things I identify with in the very core of my being. My entire life has been about seeking Beauty and Truth. But not just in seeking them, but becoming them, embodying them. No wonder unicorns have always been significant to me!

At some point I started experiencing the aforementioned energy waves, and with the serendipitous explanation, every time I felt a wave I said hi to whatever unicorn was evidently present. I got glimpses of him from time to time, relatively small (maybe 4 feet tall), scruffy like a goat, totally white, and the word "Amaranth" kept floating through my mind. I had no idea what it meant but assumed it was the name of my unicorn friend, and only later upon researching it, did I find out it was a kind of flower and grain, and the word itself came from Greece and meant "undying."

On a side note, and worth a shiver up the spine, I just popped over to check my facts on the internet (not totally available to me when these events first took place) only to discover that the amaranth flowers were sacred to Artemis (my Matron Goddess) in ancient Greece.

My ex was so on board with all of this that,whenever she wanted extra protection around her or the apartment, she would ask me to station a unicorn alongside her or outside the door. Eventually a unicorn named Corinth, the first unicorn I had seen with a black mane, showed up on personal assignment as her escort and bodyguard, which he took very seriously always answering her requests with a clicking of his hooves and a "Yes ma'am! Right away ma'am!"

Over the years I have been told, by a couple different sources, that I had actually been a unicorn. This was a little much for me, but part of me was thrilled and it was quite an intriguing idea that I enjoyed playing with, even if it were on a purely mythical level. And then I discovered otherkin. Otherkin are people believe that they had formerly been part of the faery realm in a past life, or that they are currently one of the Fae born into a human body. As with most things metaphysical in nature, there was plenty of room for escapism (which I could see taking place in abundance), or using such things to rationalize and excuse staying where one was rather than using it to grow and expand. Yet it really struck a chord and I felt there was something to it, and though I didn't really believe I was one of them, I kept reading everything I could about them. The one thing that seemed to be missing, though, from their ranks, were unicorns. Lots of faeries, elves, and dragons, but I couldn't find any unicorns, other than a cryptic sentence someone wrote somewhere about unicorns tending to keep to themselves.

After I moved out from my ex-wife, and had 24 hour access to the internet at my friends' home where I was staying, I discovered a website dedicated to only unicorn kin. I felt this strange elation, and as I read the introduction to the site -- a welcoming home to unicorns -- tears just started rolling in floods down my cheeks. Could I really be...? Still, not totally convinced I joined the forum, figuring that at least I had a unicorn spirit guide and that had to count for something.

It seems that all I needed was for that door to be opened, to connect with others with similar experiences to help put mine into context, and for the dreams to start. I had one dream where I was unicorn, but it was so vivid I was aware of the mane cascading down my long neck, and when I shook my neck back and forth, I could feel every muscle contract and release, as well as feel a number of vertebrae popping back into alignment.

Still, it wasn't until a normal day at work when a not-so-normal thought process occurred, that I began to question in earnest the possibilities. I had my hair pulled back in a pony tail, but as happens a lot when working, some of the hair worked itself loose from the hair band. At one point a lock of hair fell in front of my eyes, and the initial thought that went through my mind was, "Oh! That's what it looks like when my mane falls across my face."

"Wait... Did I really just think that?..."

The occasional dream or vision or flashback still appears connecting me to unicorns.

Not too long ago when I was receiving Jyorei, I had a vision, or flashback, where:

"In the same session I had unicorn flashbacks. I could feel my horn, and became aware of my cloven hooves, and how fast I could run by digging them into the ground. Then I saw my mate, and snuggled up with her was, apparently, my newborn unicorn foal."

When it comes down to it, whether I was or wasn't unicorn, this time around I am human, and that's where my focus is. Still the unicorn is deeply, deeply embedded in my personal mythology, enhancing my current life, giving me glimpses of magick between the seams of this world, and giving me a model which embodies all the qualities I strive for. Not much else is needed but their presence.