Going Batty

It's been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon. But, although I attended college nearby, I no longer live there, so my week was not so quiet -- emotionally anyway.


I have been sorting out my feelings and the lessons of a short-lived relationship that, in many ways while it lasted, was probably the best I've been in. Its ending, however, has been one of the most difficult experiences I've known, and I am still finding my path through it as the dust finally begins to settle.


I'm also sorting out the fine line between writing my experiences here while respecting the privacy of the other person involved -- Writing my story without telling hers. We both had our individual lessons to learn, neither one good or bad, although I am very pleased that in all the support I've gotten through this, no one has tried to make me feel better by degrading her.


Anyway, until I sort these things out, I will probably hold off saying much more, although I have had a few interesting insights. While driving the other morning it suddenly sank in emotionally rather than just mentally, that it really is all about me. Everything I was feeling, the future I was facing, the challenges, the thoughts, the doubts -- all me! I really could let her go to take care of herself and get on with living my life. And to add emphasis to this revelation, I looked up just in time to see a seagull swoop up over my car, followed by two little white splotches on my windshield. This is actually considered good luck in many cultures, and Seagull representing cleaning up the environment (which I had just done by clearing my mind of a bunch of things) as well as communication (which had been a sticking point especially at the end) seemed the perfect messenger.


After that I was thinking back on this most recent death/rebirth cycle of mine, and the thought of Bat came into my mind. Bat represents shamanic death, and this current one has been a doozy, but in a flash of recognition I suddenly realized part of the significance -- Bat hangs from the ceiling of the cave... Everything to Bat is upside down... My whole world had just been turned upside down... Huh...