Bubba and the Holy Snail

ello. It seemed the right season for this, so I thought I would share the following epic hamster poem I wrote years ago. As part of the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronisms -- a medieval recreation group) I am Lovell of Schadwode, and live in the shire of Wyewood (South King County, WA), which is part of the kingdom of An Tir (WA, OR, and parts of Canada). Bubba is a bat-winged hamster who is the mascot and champion of Wyewood, and as a bard, I took it upon myself to chronicle his adventures. The following is probably my personal favorite.

Enjoy!

Bubba and the Holy Snail
by Lovell of Schadwode (that's me!)





The day was bright as Bubba flew,
No cares upon his mind.
His only thought was adventure-
Whatever he may find.






His eyes were sharp, his ears were perked,
And all his senses keen
As there above he scanned the Earth
And all the lands so green.






The sound of battle filled is ears,
A smile crossed his face.
He turned as from his tiny lungs
A hamster war-cry raced.






Gleefully he headed toward
The sound of sword and blade,
Then paused in flight to wonder at
The skirmish he surveyed.






The scene that he beheld was weird,
Even by Wyewood terms,
As a small clan of crows clashed with
A mighty band of worms.






A single roar from Bubba scattered
Crows like they were flies.
Those that looked were horror-struck
By Bubba's flaming eyes.






And when the glade was clear of birds
The hamster turned again
Upon those strangely garbed worms
Of unknown origin.






Over mail of chain each wore
A tabard, white and gold
Emblazoned upon which was a
Red spiral, bright and bold.






The leader worm began to speak
And then Bubba could tell
That these weren't normal worms at all
But snails without a shell.






In a sluggish voice the snail said,
"Thank you for your aid!
My noble sir would you consider
Joining our crusade?"






"Humble snails are we, dear sir,
Who've left our shells behind,
For in this vow of poverty
More treasure shall we find!"






"You see, the human's Lord hung high,
His blood caught by a grail.
A single drop splashed out and landed
On a passing snail."






"The heavens parted, angles sang,
Then came the hand of God
Descending from a cloud to bless
This lowly gastropod!"






"He traveled far and wide, this snail,
To teach the ways of love,
Ascending one fine morning into
Heaven up above."






"Nothing did he leave us here
Except his shell divine.
And that was stolen by a crow -
A heathen! For its shine!"






"So now you know what guides our quest
And leads us down these trails --
We seek the Relic of the One:
The Holy Snail of Snails!"






Beneath the hamster's smiling lips
There rose a purring sound.
He had sought adventure.
Now adventure he had found!






Joining forces, off they went.
Their progress was not slow,
With Bubba flying overhead -
Crusaders down below.






It wasn't long when Bubba saw
A strange, unearthly gleam
Reflecting from the bottom of
A bubbling woodland stream.






So there he rallied all the troops
And told them what he'd seen,
Then said that he'd investigate
To find what it might mean.






With that he dove into the brook
And headed for the light,
Just like a great and fuzzy bird
In his aquatic flight.






Once the bottom he had reached
His face lit with a grin
For there before him lay a shell
A-glowing from within.






At once he knew that this must be
The relic that he sought,
Where ancient beak of crow had dropped
And woodland stream had brought.






And so cautiously he reached out
And took the shell in paw,
Then turned to swim back up again
But balked at what he saw!






Overhead on shore some crows
Attacked the knighted snails!
Bubba's blood boiled in his veins!
He clenched his tiny nails.






The hamster in a might rush
Erupted from the stream!
Again the crows were scattered by
The sound of Bubba's scream!






But one crow, braver than the rest -
Or maybe more insane -
Saw what the hamster held in hand:
A bauble he must gain!






He spun around mid-flight and snatched
The magic, glowing shell.
Since Bubba loosened not his grip
He picked him up as well!






Into the sky, the pair, they flew -
A furry, feathered mass.
And thus through many moments did
This nasty brawling pass.






Neither one relinquished hold
Upon that precious shell,
'Til suddenly it heated up,
They dropped it and it fell!






The snails below watched in dismay
Afraid it would be smashed.
But then the sound of thunder boomed!
A bolt of lightening flashed!






The shell's decent abruptly ceased,
Then from its lucent curve
Emerged the head and antennae
Of Him whom all snails serve.






The crow remembered it could fly
And sped away post-haste.
The snails lay prostrate on the ground.
Bubba remained in place.






Love divine did glimmer in
That snail's antennaed eyes.
Then in a soft, angelic voice
He bid them all, "Arise!"






"Rewards are great for those whose faith
Does lead them long and well,
Thus for your trust your descendants
Will never need a shell."






"Now know ye well that I abide
In every one of you!
To help all to remember this
I'll tell you what I'll do!






"Upon you and your children
A fine blessing I bestow:
The silver essence of my shell
Shall follow where you go!"






"So when you see this sign you know
The answer to your prayer -
You needn't search for me at all
For I'm, already there!"






He beamed a final smile at
The hamster and the snails
Then with a wink he vanished
As he bid them 'happy trails'.






That day they build a chapel there
And put their swords away.
Their people spread across An Tir
And live here to this day.






And still if followed far enough
A slug's long silver trail
Will lead you to that secret place:
The Chapel of the Snail!






As for Bubba, he returned
Back to the Wyewood sky
Prepared to answer once again
A new adventure's cry.