I mentioned in my last post that I'd gone to the Gaia's Temple Imbolc ritual recently where we did a meditation to discover what it was we wished to dedicate ourselves to in the coming year. Well, a couple of Sundays ago was the monthly service for Gaia's Temple and during the teaching portion, Rev. Judith Laxer led us in the same meditation from the ritual. At first I was a little hesitant to really put the effort into it. I mean I'd already done it and had made my own dedications in the past couple weeks. Still I was cognizant of the fact that just because it's the same meditation doesn't mean I would get the same results. So, with renewed curiosity for what I would find this time, I allowed my consciousness to be led through the beautiful imagery of Brigit's temple, and when it came to the point where we see ourselves doing something that is a manifestation of our dedication, I was surprised.
What I saw was myself, kneeling on the Earth, in some sort of ritual (I felt there were others present though I didn't see anyone) holding up an abalone shell, overflowing with smoke from sage and cedar and other yummy scented things, as I prayed/invoked/blessed this circle and its purpose. The words "Holy Man" materialized in my mind.
In a way this was connected to my earlier dedications to walk my path, to really focus on my own work and to walk my talk so to begin embodying what it is I believe rather than just giving it lip service. This was slightly different. Rather than being a dedication to something in the spirit of creating what it is you want to harvest in the future on the opposite side of the Wheel of the Year, this was more of a dropping back into the present and accepting what was already here.
It's amazing how two little words can spark such a change in consciousness and perspective of who we are. I have had a hard time describing what I do to people who ask, and have to admit to occasionally, though it's frowned upon to self-identify this way in shamanic circles, as a shaman. The more politically correct term is 'shamanic practitioner' because only the community who you help and heal can say you're a shaman. I still wrestle with this sometimes. I understand how the claim to be a shaman, when coming from a place of ego, can be to personally claim these powers as one's own, in which case the self-proclaimed shaman is usually abandoned by his spirit guides because they are the real source of power and healing energy. But when you really understand that to be a shaman is to be 'the hollow bone' through which the spirits work their powerful healing, you aren't really claiming any of these powers as your own. And when I'm going through the occasional identity crisis, and I think to myself, "I am a Shaman," I do feel it resonate and empower me. Still, I usually do refer to myself as a 'shamanic practitioner.'
To explain to those who have never heard of shamanism, or who don't know what it is, I compare myself to a Medicine Man. I don't claim to be one, though I do talk about using my personal medicine or the medicine of various animals, etc. It is just that more people are familiar with the archetype or image of a medicine man, so it's just a matter of jumping metaphors to what people understand and going from there into details.
But the words 'Holy Man' really struck a cord. I had never thought of those words to describe me, but I had to admit that they definitely fit. I counsel people on spiritual matters, whether just using my own intuition, shamanic journeys, or with the assistance of the Medicine Cards that I read. I do heal, whether through Reiki, again becoming the hollow bone and allowing Universal Energy to flow through me, or performing Soul Retrievals in a shamanic ceremony to return those errant parts of a person's vital energy that have become separated because of some trauma. And I am an ordained minister in SHES (Spiritual Healers and Earth Stewards) who can legally perform rites of passage (Weddings, etc). I have mentioned before that the priest who baptized me as a baby into the Catholic Church was convinced I was going to be a priest, and all that I just described above, though not with in the confines of the Church, sounds rather priest-like. "Holy man" pretty much covers it.
Above all, in those couple of words, and in the vision of myself, the component that seemed the most accentuated was that of being a leader. This circle I saw myself kneeling in -- I was leading it. I had organized it, and people had come to share this circle with me. Then I start to realize how many people already find their way to me for guidance and answers, and how it's all the part of that same process of stepping into my power and accepting my own authority.
And this all fits with my earlier dedications to my path because, at the heart of it is the desire to live a heart-centered life and to act based on what I'm drawn or inspired to do, from the inside, rather than relying on outside influences as to what I'm "suppose" to do. Becoming my own authority and trusting myself and my connection with my Creator to guide me, and thereby lead and teach others by inspiration and example to recognize the authority of their own hearts.
...Holy crap, I am a Holy Man...
Showing posts with label Gaia's Temple. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Gaia's Temple. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Friday, February 8, 2013
Let Me Count The Ways
Last Sunday at the weekly Pipe Circle I attend (Native American peace pipe, or "chanupa"), our facilitator assigned us something to do if we wanted to -- Make a list of 100 things you love about yourself.
The timing couldn't have been more perfect. It was the day after the Celtic holiday of Imbolc, a celebration of Brigit, the Goddess of the forge and of healing. It is a time of dedication. The night before I had participated in an Imbolc ritual with Gaia's Temple, where it was my honor to invoke and release the Spirits of Center. It was a beautiful ceremony where we were cleansed of what was holding us back, and then we each lit a tea light, the flame passed around the circle from one person's candle to the next, to represent what we were dedicating ourselves to in the coming year. Once we all held this fire in our hands, we walked up to the altar, and released our prayers by floating our tea lights in the silver bowl of water -- Brigit's well (with actual water from Bride's Well in Ireland) -- while above it the blue flames of Brigit's forge danced in an iron cauldron. The sight of all these floating tea lights reflecting and glimmering off of the water and the silver bowl that contained them in the semi-darkness of the room was amazing and magickal!
My little light carried the prayers and blessings from a personal rite I had done earlier in the afternoon. I stood on my balcony facing the greenery behind my apartment, and holding up a necklace bearing (pun intended) a single bear claw, I prayed and dedicated myself once more to my path. I had already, at the beginning of the year, declared this My Year of Self, a time of returning to and moving from my center, putting myself, my needs, and my care first. To aid me in these ventures, I once again dedicated my self to my Matron goddess, Artemis, virgin goddess of the wild -- hence the claw of the bear, which is her totem. The perfection of this was not lost on me, as the ancient Greek understanding of virginity has nothing to do with sex, but is someone who is whole and complete unto themselves. This is my goal and my North Star that guides me. And as I watched the shimmering floating candles lighting the way down the myriad paths of everyone in the circle that night, I couldn't help but shed a tear.
So, freshly on my path of self realization and discovery, with a new born sense of excitement for what lies ahead, I embraced this assignment, and the following is my list of 100 things I love about myself:
The timing couldn't have been more perfect. It was the day after the Celtic holiday of Imbolc, a celebration of Brigit, the Goddess of the forge and of healing. It is a time of dedication. The night before I had participated in an Imbolc ritual with Gaia's Temple, where it was my honor to invoke and release the Spirits of Center. It was a beautiful ceremony where we were cleansed of what was holding us back, and then we each lit a tea light, the flame passed around the circle from one person's candle to the next, to represent what we were dedicating ourselves to in the coming year. Once we all held this fire in our hands, we walked up to the altar, and released our prayers by floating our tea lights in the silver bowl of water -- Brigit's well (with actual water from Bride's Well in Ireland) -- while above it the blue flames of Brigit's forge danced in an iron cauldron. The sight of all these floating tea lights reflecting and glimmering off of the water and the silver bowl that contained them in the semi-darkness of the room was amazing and magickal!
My little light carried the prayers and blessings from a personal rite I had done earlier in the afternoon. I stood on my balcony facing the greenery behind my apartment, and holding up a necklace bearing (pun intended) a single bear claw, I prayed and dedicated myself once more to my path. I had already, at the beginning of the year, declared this My Year of Self, a time of returning to and moving from my center, putting myself, my needs, and my care first. To aid me in these ventures, I once again dedicated my self to my Matron goddess, Artemis, virgin goddess of the wild -- hence the claw of the bear, which is her totem. The perfection of this was not lost on me, as the ancient Greek understanding of virginity has nothing to do with sex, but is someone who is whole and complete unto themselves. This is my goal and my North Star that guides me. And as I watched the shimmering floating candles lighting the way down the myriad paths of everyone in the circle that night, I couldn't help but shed a tear.
So, freshly on my path of self realization and discovery, with a new born sense of excitement for what lies ahead, I embraced this assignment, and the following is my list of 100 things I love about myself:
I LOVE MY...
1. Sense of Humor 2. Compassion 3. Innocence 4. Simplicity 5. Ability to see the bigger picture 6. Sense of Hope 7. Intelligence 8. Intuition 9. Creativity 10. Ability to see Beauty/Wholeness in all things 11. Comics 12. Writing/Storytelling 13. Ability to find connections between seemingly unrelated things 14. Spontaneously breaking into song 15. Ability to listen 16. Ability to hold space for others 17. Active spiritual life 18. Whimsy 19. Overwhelming goodness of Spirit 20. Tenacity 21.Ability and Willingness to change, adapt, and evolve 22. Looking at the world with a sense of wonder 23. Inner Child/Inner Puppy 24. Always seeking the Truth and Highest Good 25. Gentleness 26. My calming effects on others 27. Ability to laugh easily 28. Je ne sais quoi 29. Love of Nature 30.Love of Animals 31. Connection to the Earth 32. Having Jesus on speed dial 33. Integrity 34. Imagination 35. Ability to make friends 36. Sense of Honor 37. Spirituality 38. Attraction to the Obscure 39. Weirdness 40. Playfulness 41. Steadfast Trust in the rightness of everything 42. Belief that every person is basically good and Divine 43. Hair 44. Resilience and Bounce-Backibility (44-a. Ability to coin new words) 45. Romanticism 46. Natural inclination to Help and Heal 47. Art and Drawings 48. Ability to fall asleep almost anywhere 49. Snow Whiteness (attracting and connecting with animals and children) 50. Walking in Beauty 51. Sparkling, Faerie-dust magick that follows me everywhere 52. Deep Reverence for Life 53. Balance of Masculinity and Femininity 54. Introspection 55. Enduring Courage to keep moving forward 56. Awesomeness 57. Humility 58. Ability to walk with one foot in each world 59. Blend of Eastern and Western influences 60. Eclectic tastes in music 61. Having more women friends than men friends 62. Desire to help Empower people 63. Natural inclination toward Shamanism 64. Multiple talents in various arts and crafts 65. Mystical nature 66. Variety of interests and inspirations 67. Physical body -- it's appearance and sensations 68. Sense of Gratitude 69. Tendency to be awestruck 70. Kindness 71. Goofiness 72. Unique perspective 73. Cuddliness and Snuggliness 74. Hugs 75. Laugh 76. Recognition of the Sacred in all things 77. Growing Confidence in my shamanic and intuitive skills 78. Strength of Conviction 79. Mad punning skills 80. Retention of old jingles and theme songs (see number 14) 81. Resourcefulness 82. Relationships with my 'invisible friends' 83. Optimism 84. Contagious Light-heartedness 85. Path that crosses and incorporates other paths in its own unique flavor and blend 86. Always seeing beneath the surface 87. Ability to Manifest 88. Taoist default setting 89. Love for, and irrepressible draw to, being in the woods 90. Being an Artist 91. Bedazzlement with the night sky 92. Love of and connection to Grandmother Moon 93. Sensuality and love of human touch 94. Whole-hearted approach to things 95. Love of learning and expanding my knowledge and experience 96. Curiosity 97. Self discovery through Cartooning 98. Application of Mythology and Metaphor to daily life 99. Maturing while maintaining child-like sensibilities 100. Personal Mythology (and just the fact that I have one)
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Let Us Dance
I am sitting in a Seattle Starbucks, having just attended the special Mother's Day service at my house of worship, Gaia's Temple. Being, as one friend called me, a "Goddess Man" the day takes on an additional layer of meaning, celebrating the Mother Goddess in every woman, past, present, and future. In the course of the service some things began to glimmer across my mind and I thought I'd try to capture them here while they are fresh -- so please forgive me if this entry wanders a bit disconnectedly as these thoughts haven't been fully explored yet.
So I was sitting there looking at all these beautiful women of every possible shape, size, and color, standing up for a special blessing, each holding a fresh rose, while the impact of various lines of poetry, song, and teaching from the morning settled in. As I recognized, thanked, and blessed these women I felt a subtle shift in me and I began to recognize something else -- namely my role as a man.
This has been an on-going process of thought, identity, and growth for me, pretty much from childhood on. Even as a boy I was what you could probably call a Momma's Boy, and I wasn't into sports, or fighting, or much of anything that is typical for boys. Because of this I developed strong feelings of inferiority as I constantly "wimped out," unable to fulfill the expectations put on me because I was a boy. This softness was seen, by myself and those around me, as a weakness.
Even now this is something I struggle with from time to time, as I am dismissed or seen as too weak or too feminine by others -- and I sometimes almost start to believe it myself. But even as I am typing this I am just now realizing the strength it took to maintain my innocence and softness through all those years. People are always asking me how I was able to turn out the way I did without losing those parts of me. But I remember the specific point in time, standing in my friend's back yard as the neighborhood kids were divvying up teams for an impromptu baseball game, when I realized I was at a crossroads and I consciously chose which path to go down. I could very easily go down the road where I would forget myself and let myself get wrapped up in sports, like all the other guys seemed to be, memorizing all the players and all their stats, and living for the next game, or I could be true to my heart and my self and go my own way, even though I didn't know what that way looked like -- The Road Less Travelled. Despite this leading me to countless instances of feeling wimpy, worthless, or inadequate because I couldn't do what I was "suppose to do" according to ideals of family and society, that was a very bold decision for a prepubescent boy growing up in the Midwest. I always bewailed the fact that I never fit in, but at this point I can look back with gratitude at the strength and courage it took this younger part of me to follow his own path rather than just following blindly those around him. Way to go little dude! :)
More recently, as I began exploring, and recognized a definite draw for me, to more feminine, Goddess-oriented religions and spirituality, I think I sort of disowned some of the masculine aspects of myself, not realizing I was still caught in the World's ideas and expectations of what masculinity and femininity are. I really began thinking of myself as "one of the girls" since most of my free time is spent with women. 99.9% of my friends are women because I get along with, seem to have more in common with, and just plain enjoy the company of women over men. Of course I could hear alot of guys saying, "I prefer the company of women too!" but I'm talking on a more emotionally equal commonality level. Women are better peers to me than men. I get them and they seem to get me on a deeper level, which I deserve and crave. So, yes I became "one of the girls."
Through all of this, and being very aware of the atrocities through out history to the present day visited upon women, by men as well as patriarchal ideas, I became almost embarrassed and ashamed, and definitely apologetic for being a man. I think this is probably, at least in part, responsible for a string of strong, opinionated, girlfriends who seemed to think (and not always without my agreement) they knew better than me who I should be. What did I know? I was just a man, and look how badly men have screwed up the world. And thus I gave up a lot of power out of the guilt of my gender.
And this is what I think I felt shift at the service. Instead of feeling in limbo between the two worlds, not being a woman and yet not claiming my manhood, I suddenly saw my place as a bridge between the two. It was time to step up, claim my masculinity -- not that I have to do anything differently (I would still rather take a quilting lesson than watch baseball) -- and stop being apologetic for being a man. My pretending to not be a man isn't helping anyone, and in fact only helps the old patterns continue. A recurring lesson for me is that I am meant to be seen, and in this way I need to step forward, unabashedly, and be a man -- a well balanced man who is very in touch with his feminine, which only makes him stronger, more flexible, and more compassionate, and more a force for real change in the world.
As an interesting aside, even the Samurai were aware of this. These warriors, known for their fearlessness and battle prowess, were required to be skilled in at least one of the non-martial arts -- calligraphy, poetry, music, etc -- to balance the more masculine, driving, aspects of their life with more feminine, creative aspects. I once saw Jackie Chan on a talk show and, having been trained thusly, he sang an operatic piece of music. The host was a bit bewildered, remarking that he would have thought Jackie would be more into singing hard rock stuff because of his incredible and dynamic kung-fu skills, and Jackie, perhaps a bit bewildered himself at this remark, replied something about how unbalanced that would be.
So, for me it seems time to stop just rejecting or rebelling against the old masculine paradigm, which just sells myself short, and with a foot in both worlds start modeling a new one -- become the change I want to see, and be the man I'm meant to be. As a Pagan I've always felt my goal and my role was to become or to embody the Lord of the Forest (the Divine Masculine consort of the Goddess) as much as possible, and as such support Her. Only during this service did it click into place that this support is as an equal rather than as a subservient. I see it sort of like the "hollow-bone" concept in Shamanism, where your goal is to be like a hollow-bone to allow Spirit to move through and guide you. The Divine Masculine is the manifest form, the hollow-bone, by which the fluid and creative Divine Feminine moves into and through the world. It is through letting go and trusting Her guidance that the masculine reshapes and changes and evolves. And as the Masculine shape-shifts and grows, the Feminine finds new creative expressions and ways to guide the Masculine. It is a dance not a battle.
The real strength of being a man, expressing the masculine principle, is in staying clear and trusting, having the strength to stand your ground and be true to your heart, which is your connection to the feminine. It is only in this way, standing fully in the masculine power, that you have the strength and focus to form a solid and strong enough container to allow the feminine power to express truly through you. It is the masculine's job to make space for the Goddess. We are suppose to be facing outward, arms out and ready to fly on the waves of love from Her that flow through us and fuel us, not facing inward trying to control and contain, or even protect Her. She doesn't need protection, and in actuality She can't be contained. Neither is She outside or separate from us. She dances with the Divine Masculine through each of us regardless of gender or orientation.
I realize that some of this is only half-formed ramblings, but I hope it makes sense. I have a funny feeling this is a subject that I will be revisiting, revising, and refining here in the future!
So I feel myself stepping fully into my manhood, the smokey, whispy ghosts of my grandfathers gathering behind me in a line stretching back through the annals of time. I stand solid, determined that the ancestral chains break with me. It ends here. And as one voice my grandfathers speak through me, addressing every woman who reads these words --
For every man who has ever abused you, whether mentally, emotionally, physically, or sexually, I am sorry.
For every man who has ever caused you fear, discomfort, belittlement, or in any other way threatened your sense of well-being and wholeness, I am sorry.
For every man who failed to support you, take you seriously, trust you, consider your needs, or be emotionally available, I am sorry.
For every son, brother, husband, lover, father, grandfather that was taken from you in battle, I am sorry.
For every time and for every way you have been lied to, cheated , taken advantage of, taken for granted, disrespected, preyed upon, maimed, disfigured, feared, abandoned, misunderstood, brutalized, mutilated, violated, objectified, not seen, defiled, conquered, passed over, invalidated, down trodden, beaten down, raped, tortured, and demonized, I am sorry.
And for every time, despite it all, that you have survived, managed, flourished, supported, been present, birthed, raised, grieved, sheltered, counseled, consoled, healed, nurtured, nourished, soothed, danced backwards (and in heels), stood up, spoke up, protected, taught, created, graced, empowered, and loved, I am grateful beyond words.
Blessed be the women. Blessed are you.
I see you. I recognize you. I honor, embrace, and celebrate you. Let healing begin here. Let healing begin now. I stand fully present before you, offering you my hand. Let us dance.
So I was sitting there looking at all these beautiful women of every possible shape, size, and color, standing up for a special blessing, each holding a fresh rose, while the impact of various lines of poetry, song, and teaching from the morning settled in. As I recognized, thanked, and blessed these women I felt a subtle shift in me and I began to recognize something else -- namely my role as a man.
This has been an on-going process of thought, identity, and growth for me, pretty much from childhood on. Even as a boy I was what you could probably call a Momma's Boy, and I wasn't into sports, or fighting, or much of anything that is typical for boys. Because of this I developed strong feelings of inferiority as I constantly "wimped out," unable to fulfill the expectations put on me because I was a boy. This softness was seen, by myself and those around me, as a weakness.
Even now this is something I struggle with from time to time, as I am dismissed or seen as too weak or too feminine by others -- and I sometimes almost start to believe it myself. But even as I am typing this I am just now realizing the strength it took to maintain my innocence and softness through all those years. People are always asking me how I was able to turn out the way I did without losing those parts of me. But I remember the specific point in time, standing in my friend's back yard as the neighborhood kids were divvying up teams for an impromptu baseball game, when I realized I was at a crossroads and I consciously chose which path to go down. I could very easily go down the road where I would forget myself and let myself get wrapped up in sports, like all the other guys seemed to be, memorizing all the players and all their stats, and living for the next game, or I could be true to my heart and my self and go my own way, even though I didn't know what that way looked like -- The Road Less Travelled. Despite this leading me to countless instances of feeling wimpy, worthless, or inadequate because I couldn't do what I was "suppose to do" according to ideals of family and society, that was a very bold decision for a prepubescent boy growing up in the Midwest. I always bewailed the fact that I never fit in, but at this point I can look back with gratitude at the strength and courage it took this younger part of me to follow his own path rather than just following blindly those around him. Way to go little dude! :)
More recently, as I began exploring, and recognized a definite draw for me, to more feminine, Goddess-oriented religions and spirituality, I think I sort of disowned some of the masculine aspects of myself, not realizing I was still caught in the World's ideas and expectations of what masculinity and femininity are. I really began thinking of myself as "one of the girls" since most of my free time is spent with women. 99.9% of my friends are women because I get along with, seem to have more in common with, and just plain enjoy the company of women over men. Of course I could hear alot of guys saying, "I prefer the company of women too!" but I'm talking on a more emotionally equal commonality level. Women are better peers to me than men. I get them and they seem to get me on a deeper level, which I deserve and crave. So, yes I became "one of the girls."
Through all of this, and being very aware of the atrocities through out history to the present day visited upon women, by men as well as patriarchal ideas, I became almost embarrassed and ashamed, and definitely apologetic for being a man. I think this is probably, at least in part, responsible for a string of strong, opinionated, girlfriends who seemed to think (and not always without my agreement) they knew better than me who I should be. What did I know? I was just a man, and look how badly men have screwed up the world. And thus I gave up a lot of power out of the guilt of my gender.
And this is what I think I felt shift at the service. Instead of feeling in limbo between the two worlds, not being a woman and yet not claiming my manhood, I suddenly saw my place as a bridge between the two. It was time to step up, claim my masculinity -- not that I have to do anything differently (I would still rather take a quilting lesson than watch baseball) -- and stop being apologetic for being a man. My pretending to not be a man isn't helping anyone, and in fact only helps the old patterns continue. A recurring lesson for me is that I am meant to be seen, and in this way I need to step forward, unabashedly, and be a man -- a well balanced man who is very in touch with his feminine, which only makes him stronger, more flexible, and more compassionate, and more a force for real change in the world.
As an interesting aside, even the Samurai were aware of this. These warriors, known for their fearlessness and battle prowess, were required to be skilled in at least one of the non-martial arts -- calligraphy, poetry, music, etc -- to balance the more masculine, driving, aspects of their life with more feminine, creative aspects. I once saw Jackie Chan on a talk show and, having been trained thusly, he sang an operatic piece of music. The host was a bit bewildered, remarking that he would have thought Jackie would be more into singing hard rock stuff because of his incredible and dynamic kung-fu skills, and Jackie, perhaps a bit bewildered himself at this remark, replied something about how unbalanced that would be.
So, for me it seems time to stop just rejecting or rebelling against the old masculine paradigm, which just sells myself short, and with a foot in both worlds start modeling a new one -- become the change I want to see, and be the man I'm meant to be. As a Pagan I've always felt my goal and my role was to become or to embody the Lord of the Forest (the Divine Masculine consort of the Goddess) as much as possible, and as such support Her. Only during this service did it click into place that this support is as an equal rather than as a subservient. I see it sort of like the "hollow-bone" concept in Shamanism, where your goal is to be like a hollow-bone to allow Spirit to move through and guide you. The Divine Masculine is the manifest form, the hollow-bone, by which the fluid and creative Divine Feminine moves into and through the world. It is through letting go and trusting Her guidance that the masculine reshapes and changes and evolves. And as the Masculine shape-shifts and grows, the Feminine finds new creative expressions and ways to guide the Masculine. It is a dance not a battle.
The real strength of being a man, expressing the masculine principle, is in staying clear and trusting, having the strength to stand your ground and be true to your heart, which is your connection to the feminine. It is only in this way, standing fully in the masculine power, that you have the strength and focus to form a solid and strong enough container to allow the feminine power to express truly through you. It is the masculine's job to make space for the Goddess. We are suppose to be facing outward, arms out and ready to fly on the waves of love from Her that flow through us and fuel us, not facing inward trying to control and contain, or even protect Her. She doesn't need protection, and in actuality She can't be contained. Neither is She outside or separate from us. She dances with the Divine Masculine through each of us regardless of gender or orientation.
I realize that some of this is only half-formed ramblings, but I hope it makes sense. I have a funny feeling this is a subject that I will be revisiting, revising, and refining here in the future!
So I feel myself stepping fully into my manhood, the smokey, whispy ghosts of my grandfathers gathering behind me in a line stretching back through the annals of time. I stand solid, determined that the ancestral chains break with me. It ends here. And as one voice my grandfathers speak through me, addressing every woman who reads these words --
For every man who has ever abused you, whether mentally, emotionally, physically, or sexually, I am sorry.
For every man who has ever caused you fear, discomfort, belittlement, or in any other way threatened your sense of well-being and wholeness, I am sorry.
For every man who failed to support you, take you seriously, trust you, consider your needs, or be emotionally available, I am sorry.
For every son, brother, husband, lover, father, grandfather that was taken from you in battle, I am sorry.
For every time and for every way you have been lied to, cheated , taken advantage of, taken for granted, disrespected, preyed upon, maimed, disfigured, feared, abandoned, misunderstood, brutalized, mutilated, violated, objectified, not seen, defiled, conquered, passed over, invalidated, down trodden, beaten down, raped, tortured, and demonized, I am sorry.
And for every time, despite it all, that you have survived, managed, flourished, supported, been present, birthed, raised, grieved, sheltered, counseled, consoled, healed, nurtured, nourished, soothed, danced backwards (and in heels), stood up, spoke up, protected, taught, created, graced, empowered, and loved, I am grateful beyond words.
Blessed be the women. Blessed are you.
I see you. I recognize you. I honor, embrace, and celebrate you. Let healing begin here. Let healing begin now. I stand fully present before you, offering you my hand. Let us dance.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Grandfather Raven, Brother Eagle
Last Sunday was a very interesting day. I suppose it shouldn't have surprised me, two separate otherworldly occurrences... um... occurring in the midst of such a Spiritually charged weekend (Between Jeshua, Gaia's Temple, and Jyorei), but they did, and both left me sitting back going, "Whoa!"
Sunday afternoon I had just gotten back from Gaia's Temple when a friend texted me. There were six ravens just hovering over her home calling back and forth to each other and she wanted to know what it was about. "...um ...MAGICK?!" was my smart aleck reply. "Duh!" she texted.
So I went into Medicine Card mode and started calling up what it means if Raven shows up in your card spread. "Raven is deep, mysterious, cosmic, creative magick and miracles." Then I tuned into them, and I quickly texted her back, "I think they are blessing your place! Six ravens like the six directions: North, South, East, West, Above (Father Sky), and Below (Mother Earth)! Holy crap!" I believe she replied with a similar explicative.
And as I sat there I started to hear singing in my head. I tried to process it and listen closer, it just feeling more and more familiar, until my mind was finally able to pinpoint where I'd heard it before. Holy crap! It was the same chanting I had heard from the Grandfather stones after spending the night in the sweat lodge on my vision quest! The same chanting I heard when the Grandfathers named me! "It's the Grandfathers! They're singing to you!"
Unbeknownst to me at the time, she was also texting another of her friends, who is very intuitive and very in tune with Native ways, and he was telling her almost the same thing. I sat there listening to the chants, tears filling my eyes, and I texted back, "Part of me thinks that's crazy. But I know it's true cuz I can't stop crying." Her response was something along the lines of, "I know. I can't see through my tears right now."
Phew!
The second event happened that same night. I went to receive Jyorei (an energy healing technique in the same family as Reiki) at a weekly gathering at a friend's house. Toward the end of the evening I was in between personally receiving energy, but, having found out how powerful this energy work is, I closed my eyes and began taking advantage of the 'overflow' energy from an exchange taking place next to me.
I was just minding my own business, enjoying melting into the vibes, when suddenly Eagle appeared to me. It usually takes me a little bit to determine if these kind of visions are real or just random thoughts bouncing across my neural receptors. The eagle's head was pretty persistent in not dissolving from sight, so I concluded he was really there. He patiently waited for me to reach this conclusion before he spoke. And as his words floated through my head, I watched him spread his wings and soar through my mental skies, my perspective switching back and forth between watching him from below, and looking over his shoulder.
"Let others believe they are birds of the field. Your natural habitat is the heavens. The sky is your home. You are supported on the breath of the Mother -- effortlessly. All you need to do is open your heart by spreading your wings. You can not fall."
And with the last words he passed closely over my head, exposing his unprotected chest to me. It was a total "Aha!" moment as I realized the perfect trust he displayed, and the need to let go in order to fly. If you keep your wings tightly around yourself in protection, they are basically useless. You can not become airborne until you open yourself up. And when you do, you are carried by the winds with no effort on your part.
Since his appearance, I have felt Eagle's presence daily, particularly when walking through a challenge, helping me maintain my perspective as I feel his/my wings spread wide, in perfect trust that I am supported and safe, and true to my path.
Thank you Grandfathers. Thank you Brother.
Sunday afternoon I had just gotten back from Gaia's Temple when a friend texted me. There were six ravens just hovering over her home calling back and forth to each other and she wanted to know what it was about. "...um ...MAGICK?!" was my smart aleck reply. "Duh!" she texted.
So I went into Medicine Card mode and started calling up what it means if Raven shows up in your card spread. "Raven is deep, mysterious, cosmic, creative magick and miracles." Then I tuned into them, and I quickly texted her back, "I think they are blessing your place! Six ravens like the six directions: North, South, East, West, Above (Father Sky), and Below (Mother Earth)! Holy crap!" I believe she replied with a similar explicative.
And as I sat there I started to hear singing in my head. I tried to process it and listen closer, it just feeling more and more familiar, until my mind was finally able to pinpoint where I'd heard it before. Holy crap! It was the same chanting I had heard from the Grandfather stones after spending the night in the sweat lodge on my vision quest! The same chanting I heard when the Grandfathers named me! "It's the Grandfathers! They're singing to you!"
Unbeknownst to me at the time, she was also texting another of her friends, who is very intuitive and very in tune with Native ways, and he was telling her almost the same thing. I sat there listening to the chants, tears filling my eyes, and I texted back, "Part of me thinks that's crazy. But I know it's true cuz I can't stop crying." Her response was something along the lines of, "I know. I can't see through my tears right now."
Phew!
The second event happened that same night. I went to receive Jyorei (an energy healing technique in the same family as Reiki) at a weekly gathering at a friend's house. Toward the end of the evening I was in between personally receiving energy, but, having found out how powerful this energy work is, I closed my eyes and began taking advantage of the 'overflow' energy from an exchange taking place next to me.
I was just minding my own business, enjoying melting into the vibes, when suddenly Eagle appeared to me. It usually takes me a little bit to determine if these kind of visions are real or just random thoughts bouncing across my neural receptors. The eagle's head was pretty persistent in not dissolving from sight, so I concluded he was really there. He patiently waited for me to reach this conclusion before he spoke. And as his words floated through my head, I watched him spread his wings and soar through my mental skies, my perspective switching back and forth between watching him from below, and looking over his shoulder.
"Let others believe they are birds of the field. Your natural habitat is the heavens. The sky is your home. You are supported on the breath of the Mother -- effortlessly. All you need to do is open your heart by spreading your wings. You can not fall."
And with the last words he passed closely over my head, exposing his unprotected chest to me. It was a total "Aha!" moment as I realized the perfect trust he displayed, and the need to let go in order to fly. If you keep your wings tightly around yourself in protection, they are basically useless. You can not become airborne until you open yourself up. And when you do, you are carried by the winds with no effort on your part.
Since his appearance, I have felt Eagle's presence daily, particularly when walking through a challenge, helping me maintain my perspective as I feel his/my wings spread wide, in perfect trust that I am supported and safe, and true to my path.
Thank you Grandfathers. Thank you Brother.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Doing Fair-ly Well
A couple weekends ago was an incredible joy ride! On Friday I had an appointment at Stargazers, a local metaphysical store, to do a sample Medicine Card reading for the store owner to see about doing readings there on a regular basis. I have been feeling a great tug to begin shifting more and more into work that is a better expression of myself, that is fulfilling, and is what I feel called to do. This seemed like a step in that direction. The oddest thing about it was that I wasn't nervous. Just the night before I had told my counselor that I was strangely confident and knew I would get in. It wasn't arrogance, just something I 'knew'.
So I got there and hung out at the store, which is never a chore, and waited for the owner to get back from lunch. She arrived and, instead of shyly hanging back, barely visible, and anxiously trying to calm myself down, I headed straight for the front of the store.
We retired to her office and I did my reading -- actually two of them. Apparently I did well because, when I was done she looked at me and said "We're having a Psychic Fair this weekend. Are you interested?" "Yes!" And just like that I was in the line up for Saturday's fair. I was flying high the rest of the day and, fortunately ended up at a friend's house near by, and was able to expend some of that energy playing with her two young nieces. Though not related, I think I achieved, again, Favorite Uncle status.
The next day I was up early, out the door, and up to Bellevue. I excitedly laid out my unicorn tapestry as a table covering, and sat down to await what might happen. Realistically I wasn't expecting much. I had done a couple psychic fairs at another metaphysical store in Renton and never did more than a couple of readings. Plus the regular readers, who already have a clientele and following, were here so I thought I could well be the one in the corner that no one went to because they didn't know me. Wow, was I wrong!
Over the course of the day I did ten readings! I won't go into specifics on money, but it averaged out to almost $10 more an hour than I make at my day job. And during every reading, I watched as each person connected with what I was saying, two of them moved to tears. I had never experienced anything like this before! I was getting paid for simply being present, picking up on and speaking what was intuitively coming to me from the cards, and it was obviously affecting and helping those who were listening. What better win-win situation could you ask for? One of the highlights was giving a reading to one of the people that actually works at the store. When I was done she just looked at me and said, "That was a fantastic reading." When I went up front to leave, I was told that they had gotten a lot of really positive feedback about me. I've found myself saying this over and over this past year, but here again it was empowering and humbling at the same time.
I was beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel, and it started to dawn on me that I could actually do this for a living. I began feeling what it's like to love your work, and to see the benefits from that. Then the woman reading tarot next to me started talking about her past and really validated those feelings in me. She had been working in corporate America when, as a result of 911 hit, she lost her job. She had been reading tarot for about 30 years and so turned to that as a living and has been successfully doing so ever since. It is possible!!
On sort of a side note, I recently had a tarot reading from a dear friend of mine who has been sort of a mentor to me for almost 20 years, and, to one of my questions being about my path and shamanism, she answered that this is what I was born to do. By the end of that day at Stargazers, it was not just a mental surety, but it had become experiental as well.
I was still flying the rest of the weekend and wondering what was next. I was still wondering when I went to the Ostara ritual of the coven of my above mentioned friend and mentor. The ritual was fantastic, as it always is, and then afterwards I found out I would be doing readings at the annual Gaia's Temple Psychic Fair in April. I was just grinning from ear to ear, and my inner puppy was wagging his tail. That answers that!
FYI: Gaia's Temple Psychic Fair
April 24th 10am-3pm
Sunset Hill Community Center
3003 NW 66th Street
Seattle
http://www.gaiastemple.org/
So I got there and hung out at the store, which is never a chore, and waited for the owner to get back from lunch. She arrived and, instead of shyly hanging back, barely visible, and anxiously trying to calm myself down, I headed straight for the front of the store.
We retired to her office and I did my reading -- actually two of them. Apparently I did well because, when I was done she looked at me and said "We're having a Psychic Fair this weekend. Are you interested?" "Yes!" And just like that I was in the line up for Saturday's fair. I was flying high the rest of the day and, fortunately ended up at a friend's house near by, and was able to expend some of that energy playing with her two young nieces. Though not related, I think I achieved, again, Favorite Uncle status.
The next day I was up early, out the door, and up to Bellevue. I excitedly laid out my unicorn tapestry as a table covering, and sat down to await what might happen. Realistically I wasn't expecting much. I had done a couple psychic fairs at another metaphysical store in Renton and never did more than a couple of readings. Plus the regular readers, who already have a clientele and following, were here so I thought I could well be the one in the corner that no one went to because they didn't know me. Wow, was I wrong!
Over the course of the day I did ten readings! I won't go into specifics on money, but it averaged out to almost $10 more an hour than I make at my day job. And during every reading, I watched as each person connected with what I was saying, two of them moved to tears. I had never experienced anything like this before! I was getting paid for simply being present, picking up on and speaking what was intuitively coming to me from the cards, and it was obviously affecting and helping those who were listening. What better win-win situation could you ask for? One of the highlights was giving a reading to one of the people that actually works at the store. When I was done she just looked at me and said, "That was a fantastic reading." When I went up front to leave, I was told that they had gotten a lot of really positive feedback about me. I've found myself saying this over and over this past year, but here again it was empowering and humbling at the same time.
I was beginning to see light at the end of the tunnel, and it started to dawn on me that I could actually do this for a living. I began feeling what it's like to love your work, and to see the benefits from that. Then the woman reading tarot next to me started talking about her past and really validated those feelings in me. She had been working in corporate America when, as a result of 911 hit, she lost her job. She had been reading tarot for about 30 years and so turned to that as a living and has been successfully doing so ever since. It is possible!!
On sort of a side note, I recently had a tarot reading from a dear friend of mine who has been sort of a mentor to me for almost 20 years, and, to one of my questions being about my path and shamanism, she answered that this is what I was born to do. By the end of that day at Stargazers, it was not just a mental surety, but it had become experiental as well.
I was still flying the rest of the weekend and wondering what was next. I was still wondering when I went to the Ostara ritual of the coven of my above mentioned friend and mentor. The ritual was fantastic, as it always is, and then afterwards I found out I would be doing readings at the annual Gaia's Temple Psychic Fair in April. I was just grinning from ear to ear, and my inner puppy was wagging his tail. That answers that!
FYI: Gaia's Temple Psychic Fair
April 24th 10am-3pm
Sunset Hill Community Center
3003 NW 66th Street
Seattle
http://www.gaiastemple.org/
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