Embrace Leopard, Return to Mountain

Actually the original phrase this post is named after is "Embrace Tiger, Return to Mountain."  It is the name of a set of Tai Chi moves, and there seems to be a lot of debate over the meaning of the phrase.  The one that resonates with me, though, is one where the "Embrace Tiger" part refers to the claiming of one's power -- gathering and owning of every bit of your power no matter how wild, scattered, misunderstood, light, or shadow.  In other words it is integration. In Chinese Mythology the gods are shown riding tigers, but for a mortal to do so shows a willingness to face difficult powers, situations, and challenges.  In fact part of Embracing Tiger means you are facing the tiger.  Tigers will generally not attack from the front, but prefer to sneak up behind their prey.  For this reason many people in tiger territory wear masks on the back of their heads to keep tigers from attacking from the rear. So to Embrace Tiger you have to turn around to face whatever it is that is hunting you, your personal demons, and embrace, accept, love them.  Once you have done so you can "Return to Mountain." Return to stillness, source, home. 

Embracing one's own power and returning home.  I can not tell you how appropriate this is in representing where I am on my path right now.  

So in my version, how did Tiger shift into Leopard?  A few weeks ago, in the weekly "Totem Tuesday" post on my Perching Wolf Studios Facebook page, I covered Snow Leopard.  I have worked with Snow Leopard for years so already have a close relationship with him, but in the process of looking deeper into his medicine, I read some things that resonated with me, particularly something that spoke of  "the two-legged beside whom Snow Leopard walks." Holy crap that's me!  I realized I had the perfect guide to the higher realms as I set out on an inner journey of self-discovery.  

It's interesting that one aspect of Snow Leopard's medicine is about integration, as above, and always returning to the light.  Another interesting thing I discovered when researching the original phrase is that there are some who claim the translation of the aforementioned phrase from Chinese is Leopard rather than Embrace.  And there is Indian folklore of a big cat that is a cross between Leopard and Tiger that they call a 'Dogla.'  But that's another tangent which may or may not play into this journey of mine... 

So, fully cognizant of the beginning of a new Hero's Journey, I officially asked Snow Leopard to be my guide.  As I've noticed with other journey's beginnings, though I am filled with wonder and excitement about what I will uncover and find, there is also a certain amount of resistance, and downright dread that undermines the excitement.  These past couple weeks, rather than an increase in power I have felt doubtful, self-judgmental, and scared, asking myself if I'm sure I'm not crazy.  Rather than clarity, my head has been filled with a tired fuzziness.  It's been all I can do sometimes to just get out of bed in the morning and get to my day job.   

The other night I went to sleep on my couch, as I sometimes do when I'm feeling lost and/or lonely. Being able to snuggle into two soft, cushy surfaces makes me feel more secure, like being held.  As I was falling asleep, I asked Nathaniel to come watch over me while I slept. He was there instantly, and I actually shed a few tears in relief. I nuzzled in to the back of the couch which had become his side, the pillow was his shoulder, and then I felt him arch his neck around so his head rested, in turn, on my side. 

I slept exceptionally well, my habitual defenses retracted and relaxed knowing someone else was on guard. And so it wasn't until I began to rouse toward morning that awareness dawned on me of the presence of another guardian who had slipped between the veils of the night to join my stalwart, ungulate companion on watch. 

I felt and saw the cat though my back was toward where he lounged, casually licking the pads of an enormous paw. He stopped and looked up, realizing I'd sensed him, then pausing just long enough to cast a penetrating stare, he returned to cleaning his pads. The strange thing is that it was like he couldn't settle on which big cat he wanted to be. Oh, the majority of his time was spent as a snow leopard, but every so often the features of a white tiger superimposed themselves briefly over the snowy face.  

When I fully awoke I realized Snow Leopard had answered my request, though I'm still looking forward to finding out more about the Leopard/Tiger connection.  And it was this experience that spurred on the research into this post's title phrase.  Since that night I have been aware of Snow Leopard following me around my day job, not so much hearing as feeling his huge paws plodding on the concrete warehouse floor behind me, kind of like feeling the boom of a canon. 

At the beginning of this year I declared it my personal Year of Blazing Trails, and I have noticed when I make such declarations that it is generally not until the Autumn of that year that I start to notice the effects. So here I am in the tenth month of the year setting out to blaze trails, to explore, and to discover my undiscovered countries.

Angels, Guides, and Ancestors

Angels, guides, and ancestors

Please make your presence known

Weave a web around me --

A safe place for me alone.

~

Fill it with the Beautiful,

The Good, and all that's True,

That I may have a sacred space

From which I may serve you.

Smoke Signals

I am finally starting to get the idea that this whole internet thing has its good points. I have a couple of dear friends in other countries that I would never have met otherwise. Not that I've technically met them yet, but it's amazing how close you can get to someone you've never seen face to face.

Anyway, one of them lives in Sri Lanka, and we will chat live maybe once a week online when our individual schedules intertwine between the 12 1/2 hour difference -- usually on the weekend when I don't have to worry about getting up in the morning. So one night this past weekend I checked to see if she was online. Since I had just chatted with her the night before on a 'school night,' I thought she might be on at the same time so that we could talk longer. "Oh well," I thought when she wasn't, and went to check her facebook page to see what she was up to or what might be going on. What I found was a status, written a bit cryptically but I knew it meant trouble.

What had happened I didn't know for sure, just that "every thing's falling apart," and my blood ran cold. I knew she was having some challenges in her life, had just chatted to her about them the night before and thought things had smoothed out a bit. Apparently not!

I don't know if there's anything more frustrating than knowing someone you care about is having trouble, and having no possible way of reaching them, even just to let them know you are thinking of them. The internet is our only physical means of connection and without that she may as well be... well... on the other side of the world.

So I did what I could with this only bridge between us, sending an email telling her I was worried and to please contact me, and writing on her facebook wall the same basic thing saying that I would stay up all night if I had to until I heard from her. And though I dozed intermittently, I slept with my computer, and wrote on her wall about once an hour to let her know I was still there. I can't help it if Chivalry still runs hot through my veins!

Before retiring, though, I did the only other thing I could think of, or that I was drawn to do, to help shamanically and that was to smudge. Smudging is the process of burning various plants or woods, each carrying a specific purpose, the most common being the burning of sage for the clearing and cleansing of energy, whether it's a person or a home. I have done this a number of times for a number of people, cleaning out old energies that linger in their home, but it had always been in person -- when I began that night I didn't even know it was possible to do it long distance.

Anyway, I pulled out my smudging stuff and started by burning some cedar. Cedar carries the properties of protection, and so I started with that to send that energy to my friend, along with numerous prayers to Artemis, my Matron goddess and Protector of Women, to guide and protect her. I saw the smoke creating a bubble of sacred space around my friend.

Then I pulled out the sage, burning that in an effort to clear whatever dark energies and thought patterns were haunting her, to help her mind to clear so she would be able to see through the confusion of emotions swirling around her.

I then burned lavender, in my mind as a way of filling the space I'd just cleared, this protective bubble, with calmness and peace. And to seal the deal I burned more cedar -- perhaps a bit more than I needed to as I now have a few more divots in my couch where stray bits burned and popped off (and as a further insight I recommend you never burn cedar while you are shirtless -- just sayin'.).

I finally heard back from her around 8 the next morning and she was alright. She said the storm in her head had subsided and she was feeling okay and strong. "Hmmm," I thought, and told her what I had done with the smudging. Whatever I did must have worked, it really must, she said not believing how different she felt in light of what had happened earlier that day.

All I could reply with was to say, "One of these days I'm going to stop being surprised that the things I do actually work and help people!"

...One of these days...

Gracious Me!

Today I did some readings at Spirit Journey, this wonderful little metaphysical shop in Issaquah, Wa, and when I had finished with the final one, a reading that had tears not only in my client's eyes but in mine as well, I was a bit overcome. It was such an incredible experience it just brought home to me why I am doing this, why I am on this path, and how incredibly amazing this Universe is.

I am so in awe at the way these things work, and so honored to be able to see and feel palpable ways in which I do make a difference in people's lives, and so truly humbled by the trust the Universe has in me to work through me in these ways! Holy crap is that amazing!

To feel that little shift as the Universe clicks into place, and to just say the words that are flowing through my brain, and finding out that what I'm saying hits home in ways that I could not have come close to guessing -- I can't make this stuff up! The feeling of just doing what comes naturally (and suddenly I have a song from Annie Get Your Gun running through my head!), and seeing the effect of that on others in this total feedback loop that keeps feeding me as well as them. How do you describe that in any other way but "magick."

When my client left, I walked back into the room, and as I gathered the cards together from the table, remembering the significance Turkey, the 'give-away bird' of Thanksgiving feasts, played in the reading, I whispered one of my favorite prayers over and over and over again:

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!..."

Pushing The River, Grasping Water

Taoism is called "The Watercourse Way," and fittingly a lot of Taoist imagery is water related. It's all about going with the flow, being like water. Likewise, some of the principles of how 'not to be' are also water related. "Pushing the River" refers to trying to make things happen, contriving to make things work out a certain way, or trying to get ahead of yourself and arrive somewhere before it's time or before you're ready, when in actuality the river is flowing just fine, and the way it's suppose to. Life has a flow that can be trusted. You are always in the right place at the right time.








The other principle more pertinent and something I've been thinking about recently, is the idea of "Grasping Water" -- basically that you can't. If you try to grasp water, snatch it in your fist, you will find yourself empty-handed. The only way to hold water is to open your hands and allow it to fill that space. You have to be in a state of reception, openness.








The reason I was thinking about this is that it relates to prayers, something I've had a lot of lately. The thing that a lot of people don't think about, though, is the full cycle of prayer. Praying, asking, is only part of the process. You also have to be alert and ready to receive the answer to the prayer.








For instance, a few years back Bianca, my pick-up truck, was totalled. She was only my second vehicle ever, and she was a gift from my parents, having been a work truck for my dad's electrical contractor business. So I had never had to buy a vehicle on my own before and it freaked me out! So I prayed and prayed and asked my girlfriend of the time for help. She had me considering getting a Subaru because her family had done very well with them, so one Saturday we headed down to go to some car lots, making the Subaru dealer our first stop. The sales rep was really nice, not pushy, and was kind of a hoot as he took us around the lot to show us stuff in my price range (fortunately I'd gotten a good settlement from the accident). As we walked along I spied a car that didn't seem to fit with the others. Apparently it was a recent trade-in. Something in me dinged, and I made a bee-line for it. I swear when I sat in it the whole interior suddenly lit up and the angels began to sing. I got such a rush of energy!








Just to make sure, though, we continued to look, but my mind kept returning to the little green CRV and the feeling I got when I sat in her. Long story short, she was the first (and really the only) car I looked at that day, and she was the one I drove home. When the sales rep drove it up to the door for me after the ceremonial last look over by the mechanics, he opened the door and, very loudly, "Here Comes The Sun" was playing on the radio.








Now my folks weren't too pleased about my choice, preferring I had gotten another pick-up, but, as I explained to my mom -- when you pray for something you have to accept and receive it when you find it. Those feelings I had in the driver seat of Cassiopeia, my green CRV, were undeniable. This was my car.











And I encountered similar circumstances when Cassie got totalled and I bought Suzaku, my current red CRV (for a while it was like everytime I began a new relationship, my old car would be totalled and I'd have to get a new one).

comic I drew at beginning of my last relationship. Fortunately my car survived this one.

As I said, I have a number of other prayers out there at the moment, and the strange thing is that they seem to be getting answered, but in slow motion. The one in particular, that I won't spell out in order to maintain the sacred space within which it is manifesting, is appearing to fall perfectly into line with my request. Yet it is such a situation that I can not just reach out and grab it in order to make it real. It's kind of like a plant that must mature before you can harvest it. Believe me, I've wanted to grab for it, grasp for it, hurry the river along to get it to completion, but fortunately had the brakes, ever so slightly, applied to me before I chased it away by my needy, greedy, grasping. I've discovered I need to open my hands in order to catch it, to allow it to flow into and through my life. It's a process, not an object or a single event.

Maybe next time I'll pray for a Delorean...

So Below

As I continue to go through profound transformations, I'm finding it easy for my life and emotions to fluctuate wildly between extremes. For instance, I mentioned how the week following my soul retrieval was ecstatic to say the least. Well, the week after that, this previous week, was a hellish ride. I found myself reduced to a shell of myself, shades of an old me I hoped I'd put to rest, anxious, confused, jangled, trapped, scarcity-minded. --Yuck! I felt totally overwhelmed and overstimulated and couldn't process the excess information. Fortunately in Her divine timing and knowing, Goddess had already arranged an exit strategy for me.


At the Ostara ritual that I attended, one of the women mentioned to me she has a cabin on her property and allows friends to come stay if they need a retreat from the world, or just need to get away to the woods for awhile. I jumped at the chance, having felt a need for some deep solitude for a while now, and serendipitously chose this particular weekend -- exactly the weekend I need it!


It's not a totally primitive retreat, which is okay because, even as I write this, I realize I also have a need to be pampered a bit too. The cabin has a DVD player (I fell asleep last night watching Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince) and cable TV, which I don't have at home. Not that I'm really using it to watch. This morning, still feeling the onslaught of uncomfortable, prickly energy buzzing incessantly around my chest and shoulders, I turned the TV to the channel that plays 80s music and I danced, rocking the little cabin on its foundations, raising my own vibrations above these bothersome, invasive waves.


Still my thoughts start to go to places like, "What happened? Didn't the retrieval take? How can I be feeling this way? What's wrong with me?" ...Nothing is wrong with me. Once again I've encountered something that, rather than demeaning me validates me and my experience. I've discovered that in the wide majority of times I'm going through periods like this, I'm not the only one. Apparently a lot of people are going through the same or similar experiences right now, as the mass consciousness continues to rise (Did that 'New Age' mumbo-jumbo really just come out of me?!). Whatever the causes or explanations, there are masses of us going through changes right now. To me this reinforces in me that whatever I'm feeling or thinking, it is for a purpose.


Also, in my favorite book of all time, Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck, she introduces the concept of 'emotional shrapnel'. Emotions touch and affect us in so many ways and so many places in our body and our psyche that it can't all come out at once. Years later, like a piece of shrapnel someone may have gotten in a battle, an emotion suddenly is pushed to the surface, in order to be cleared and healed. It is actually a good sign when these things happen. It is a sign you have grown to a point of being strong enough to handle it and heal it.


The tricky part is not to get caught into it, take it as reality, and begin another vicious cycle. Just to be present and allow it, feel it, whatever 'it' is, and release it. It's kind of like an invisible fence. I heard someone talking about how their dog had figured out that if he got a running start, and jumped at the right time, the electric shock of the fence would only last a moment, but then he was on the other side and free. I want to be on the other side of the invisible fence.


To help me get there, this song I wrote many years ago has been popping into my head of late, and I've been trying to use it like a prayer to remind me that everything is alright, and all I really have to do is show up. Everything else is already taken care of...

It's not me who has to do this but the spirit of my soul

All I need is to surrender to the wisdom of the whole

Everything is taken care of and all pieces are in place

And no matter how miraculous there always is a way

So it is, it is so

As above, so below

Letting go of all my limits and releasing all my fears

For my purpose is within me and the path before me clear

Easily and effortless the outcome has been sealed

Stretching out my hand before me I know everything is healed

So it is, it is so

As above, so below

The Adventure of Adventure

I am finding myself in a familiar spot -- in between. There are a lot of things in flux in my life right now, and I'm feeling rather suspended in that place where the old things are still clinging, and the new things haven't yet manifested. It is uncomfortable, and it brings up a number of personal demons for me, in the guise of self-doubts, fears. It's easy to start dwelling on the negative "what ifs" instead of the positive ones. "What if all these things I believe are just a bunch of hooey?" "What if I'm not good enough to create my best life?" Etc.

But what if all these things I believe are true? What if I am good enough to deserve my best life possible? What if Elvis really is still alive? ...ok. Forget the last one... There is a definite air of the unknown in the... um... air. I can interpret it as fear, or I can take it as excitement -- or both actually because doesn't excitement come from experiencing new things? Of rising above what you thought was possible? Overcoming doubts and expanding your limits?

It truly is an adventure. I have this belief that if a story doesn't have a happy ending, you ended it too soon. And so I've been teaching myself to take one step back from my life and look at it as a story unfolding in front of me. Of course I'm the hero of this particular string of tales, but the hero always triumphs, right? And so the questions become things like "Wow! How is he gonna get out of this one?" or "Oooo! Is he gonna get to kiss the girl?" It sets up a sense of anticipation and excitement. It makes me feel like I am beyond the particular story/drama -- 'in the world but not of it'. That the outcome while be a happy ending, that the hero (me) will triumph, is certain, it's just a matter of what happens in the meantime to get to that point.

Maybe that's why in visualization and manifesting, i.e. The Secret, you are told to put yourself in the end result and not worry about the 'hows'. That's where the excitement and fun come in. "I have no idea how I'm gonna get to that point (whatever it is - love, money, health) but I can't wait to find out!" That's where miracles enter in, and the miracles I have seen in my life have been amazing! And despite that, I seem to still come up with new and creative ways to doubt miracles... interesting...

Anyway, a few years ago when I was going through one of the toughest points in my life, following a possible nervous breakdown, where I was feeling smothered by darkness and hopelessness, one of those I found myself praying to for help was my childhood hero Davy Crockett. I figured as a boy I was taught to pray to the saints, as well as to my dead relatives, for help, and though Davy was technically niether of these, in a way he was both. And my prayers to Saint Davy were pretty basic -- "Please help me see this as an adventure!"

And so those prayers continue: