A Taste of My Own Medicine

A little over a week ago I experienced a major disruption and challenge to my confidence in my shamanic abilities. My fiancé Valerie and I were on our way to do a house-clearing for a new realtor acquaintance who had a house for sale that had a particularly strange and troublesome energy to it. I did some prep work, journeying to my guides to see what I would need in order to help clear and heal the energy of this space. I received such instructions as burning Lavender and Jasmine along with the usual Sage, to fill the space which was neutralized and cleared by the Sage with Calm and Beauty. Synchronistically, 4 Sisters Holistic Remedies, my local Apothecary and location of my personal office, had just gotten Jasmine in that day. I was also instructed to get a bar of Selenite which I was to break by dropping it onto the front walkway and then bury the pieces in the various directions of the property. This and the fact that Valerie just happened to have with her her special wand that she uses for healing and clearing, seemed to me to say we had a go from the spirits.

We swung by 4 Sisters for our supplies, joking about how our Saturday Night Date Night consisted of a house clearing as I sang the Bay City Rollers' Saturday Night, then headed on toward our destination. We briefly stopped for some dinner which we ate in the car in the parking lot. I turned on the radio for a little Classical dinner music. When I went to start the car about twenty minutes later I was shocked to be met with a rapid succession of clicks. "What the...?!" That should not have been enough time to have drained the car battery. 

Not thinking too much about it we called a friend who was there in about another twenty minutes to jump start us a get us on our way. We texted the realtor letting her know what happened and that we were on our way again. "This house really doesn't want you to show up!" She replied. "Pffff!" I thought and carried on. 

It was about fifteen minutes later, after resisting the GPS's directions to get on the freeway, we were driving through a residential area. I was on a straightaway with a series of crossroads that all had stop signs for the crossing traffic. As I approached one crossroad I slowed down because there was a motorcycle approaching the corner and I wasn't totally convinced he was going to stop. He did. His partner who came roaring out of nowhere in the night did not. All I saw was the blur of a headlight as he crashed into the front panel of our car, totaling it in the process. Fortunately we were both alright and the motorcyclist, though in obvious excruciating pain, suffered only a broken femur. 

The rest of the evening was a disjointed blur of police, paramedics, bikers hating on us even as we were sending reiki to their injured brother, and somewhere in all of it, our realtor friend found us and escorted us home, telling us of some of the other weird, paranormal occurrences that had centered around this house - things that had I known I might have reconsidered or at least called in my friend Kelly of Haunted Healings who is more experienced in this specific area. 

Still the questions abounded in my mind. Was the dead battery a sign from my guides to stop and go home? Why didn't I recognize it as a sign and check in again at that point? Why did my guides give me such specific instructions if I weren't meant to go? Why didn't they just tell me I wasn't meant to do this clearing? Did I actually hear the instructions earlier or did I just make them up? Was the 'accident' my guides preventing me from going or was it malevolent spirits of the house threatening me? Should I even be doing this work? Am I too naïve? Not good enough? Just fooling myself with all this shaman stuff?  

Then I remember the Goddess Isis' direct words to me during the graduation ceremony for the two-year teacher training I spent with Sandra Ingerman: "Your confusion is just a distraction. Let it go and step into your power."

 

So, to move through the confusion and questioning, upon arriving at the local metaphysical store where I do readings every other Monday, I pulled cards for myself to gain better clarity on the events of the past couple days... 

 

The first thing I see in this Medicine Wheel spread before getting into the context of each card is a particular pattern - Three upright cards horizontally, indicating to me emotional (West) and mental (East) stability. The earth (North) and fire (South) being reversed, held by the stabilizing factor of East and West, like wings, suggests to me shifts and changes - A deepening of experience rather than something wrong that needs to be corrected. This point is accentuated by Boar's place in the center, being kind of the Sentinel of Initiation. 

Heron in the East represents self-reliance, stillness, and looking into one's shadow - Which is exactly what I'm doing by just pulling these cards. Like Heron, my feet are embedded in the earth, yet I confidently stand above the emotional waves (water) to discern meaning by gazing into my own shadow, which is what Heron does - the fish being drawn to the coolness of his shade then providing him with his nourishment. 

Grandmother Spider in the West reminds me to drop into my heart where I know all things are connected. Ironically, there are no accidents and every occurrence carries purpose and meaning. No matter how chaotic, this is not a random event and I am still at the center of my reality. It is up to me as Heron to unravel the seemingly tangled threads of Grandmother's web, to decipher the lesson and gift of the "accident."

Again, Boar at the center of these two adds an extra depth to all of this, but I will get to that in a bit.

Turkey, reversed in the South, the place of fire which is passion and action - Or in this case inaction - speaks of  "Following your bliss," as Joseph Campbell says. Turkey is known as the 'give away bird' emboding the principle that you must see to your own well-being in order to share and see to the well-being of others. Being reversed in the South reminds me that unless my heart is in something, unless I feel a spark drawing me forward, do not take action. It must feed me as well as whomever I am working with, or it benefits no one. Then I am just a martyr. If it is not a win-win, mutual benefit, non-zero sum experience, then it is not for me to do. If it does not call to me then there is someone else who will benefit more by stepping into that role. 

Black Panther reversed in the North (Earth) directly opposite Turkey, echoes her message of heart as the director of my path while adding a more adventurous note to the meaning. Remember you are the sovereign of your life, and do only those things that empower you. Life is not a pyramidic hierarchy but a circle, so whatever empowers you empowers the whole circle. Embrace the unknown, celebrate the mystery, ally yourself with the darkness as the creative force it is, being the cosmic womb wherein all possible and probable realities are conceived. Most of all let go of structures, expectations, and especially obligations which nullify your power and deaden your energy. If there is no heart in it for you, there will be no heart in it for anyone else. You are in new territory and there are no structures to guide you, especially the constructs that got you to this point. Put your faith in the unseen and trust your unfolding.  Your path is being created even as you walk it. Feel the exhilaration of that creative force and the excitement of making it up as you go along.

And finally, in the Center anchoring all of these together is Boar, with whom I have a pretty intimate relationship, always carrying a boar's tusk in my pocket as a way to honor my 'Body Protector' spirit guide who is a boar. Boar is perhaps the fiercest animal on the planet, so fierce that a tiger would rather turn tail and run the other way than chance to tangle with him. Because of this, in multiple indigenous cultures world wide, it is the killing of a wild boar which is the rite of passage to adulthood. As the aforementioned Goddess Isis once said, "If you knew you were going to survive then it wouldn't be an initiation." Boar is about facing your fears, particularly fear of death.

As we grow we have fears that exist around the perimeter of our reality, like the old medieval maps that designate that in certain areas "Here be Dragons" - Areas always on the very edge of explored territory. This is Boar's realm, and through those fears - such things as not crossing the street unless you're holding the hand of an adult - keep us safe, holding a space for us like a seed casing which allows us, as the inner part of the seed, to develop in an appropriate and protected area. In this way Boar is actually a Guardian. 

At some point the seed has to burst through that same seed casing if it's going to survive, and so it is with us in facing that barrier between the familiar of childhood and the unknown of adulthood. We have to face those fears and recognize them for what they are - artificial constructs - if we are going to grow and evolve. So we face Boar, who embodies our fear on the very edge of our comfort zones, and despite possibly shaking in our boots, we reclaim our personal power realizing that those fears have no power other than that which we give them, and, as we stand our ground, those fears become the seed of courage. And, like the illusions they are, those fears fade in the light of our truth. At this point Boar shifts from Guardian to Gate Keeper, making sure we have truly evolved with the necessary skill set and consciousness to move beyond the known into the unknown (Remember Black Panther from above?) before we are allowed to pass.

So this entire 'non-accident' was that initiation for me, passing from one comfortable realm to a more expansive unknown realm, and I can honestly say that I have grown from the experience. My trust in the Universe and my protection in it has deepened, along with my faith in the unfolding of my path and the miracles that support it. Everything from the speeds of the vehicles to the timing and positions where we collided, and everything that got us to that place in space and time was perfect for the outcome we experienced. Had anything been off by just a fraction of a second, the results could have been horrendously worse. The next day after the non-accident I received a text from a dear friend telling us she'd just bought a new car six months ago and had been holding onto her previous one, which was still in great shape, to give to someone who needed it. ...to GIVE to someone who needed it! Within a day, Valerie miraculously had a new car. And, if possible, she and I bonded even deeper with each other, facing a life threatening event together with a new sense of mutual love and support.

So my lesson is something that I am constantly telling others - Follow your passions. Do what brings you joy, what feeds and lights you up, and by so doing you benefit everyone around you. I need to focus my energies on doing just the things that call to me. Just because, as a Shaman, I can do things such as house and energy clearings, doesn't mean I have to, or should, do them. If I spread myself too thin out of a sense of duty or expectations, I unnecessarily expend energy, my energy, depleting and dispersing my reserves rather than tapping into the inexhaustible Universal flow of energy, which is that feeling of upliftment and excitement, that then carries me - And because I'm tapped into that Universal energy and allowing it to flow through me to heal the world, it also heals me. Win-win, non-zero sum, mutual well-being.  

A taste of my own Medicine.