O Soul Mio

Two weeks ago I had a Soul Retrieval. Technically that is. I heard somewhere that the process actually starts the moment you make the commitment to do something like this, as in setting a date. In retrospect that is how it happened for me.


So a few weeks before the actual ceremony, I talked to the woman, a classmate in my shamanic studies, on the phone answering questions and solidifying plans. I believe it was the next night that I had a very strange experience. As I was sitting on the couch, after just having put in a movie (28 Days with Sondra Bullock), This odd feeling, like a softly squeezing pressure, started in my lower extremities, then like a wave washed up and over the rest of my body. It was very similar to what an anxiety attack feels like, only there was no anxiety -- other than me sitting there stunned asking myself, "What the heck was that?!" It was a bit freaky, and once I regained my senses, I called a friend to talk about it.


She asked a number of questions to help me get clear about it, then asked if I'd asked Jeshua. Of course I didn't. These are the times it would be perfect to tune into my guides, but being the absent minded shamanic practitioner I am, often forget that option.


So I did ask Jeshua, and he told me a couple things. First of all I have been experiencing so many changes with so many energy shifts ( I am no stranger to the so-called 'Ascension Sickness'), but have only been recognizing them after the fact, and that, on some level, this time I had asked to really feel it, palpably. The second thing he told me was, "That is what birth feels like."


The imagery made a lot of sense to me, other than the fact that I would have been coming out of the birth canal feet first, but tactily was probably pretty right on. That experience faded and the
next couple weeks went relatively normally.


The night before the soul retrieval, I was in Starbucks. I was just leaving, Mother Mary popped into my consciousness, with a peaceful gentleness, saying something about being at ease, and she smiled. Every night when I was a kid, and a good Catholic, I would say my rosary as I was falling asleep in bed, and I always felt Mary's presence hovering over me, then embracing me as if by angel wings. She again embraced me this way, and again I felt that soft, soothing , motherly love surrounding me.



The next morning, Friday, the day of the the retrieval, I was lounging on the couch, feet draped over the ottoman, and eyes closed, when I felt something small, soft, and wet tickle my foot. I assumed it was Mr. Timmons sniffing around -- he seems to have a foot fetish -- but I opened my eyes and he was on the other side of the room. There was nothing even close to my feet. "Interesting," I thought, "I wonder who that was?" I closed my eyes again to take a look. Standing off acouple of yards was a lynx, just staring at me. I knew it wasn't her. Too big for whatever it was I felt brush my heel.




So looking a little closer, I saw a merekat standing in front of me. He told me "You have many underground resources in rooms you have never even seen or explored. And you are surrounded by a community that watches out for you -- You don't have to be on such high alert all the time or on your own. Hakuna Matata!" Still he was too big to have been what I felt. I was, however, very pleased to look Meerkat up later in one of my animal guide reference books and found, almost word for word, what I'd been told.



I turned to Lynx and asked what she was doing there. She told me to "whisper my secrets to the world." Suddenly it made sense to me. Lynx is the keeper of secrets, in fact there are theories that the Great Sphinx in Egypt is a lynx and not a lion. What better guardian to have with me on a soul retrieval.



I felt a familiar tickle on my foot again, and this time saw the responsible party -- a trio of otters rolling and playing on the ground, occasionally brushing my foot in their play. Their message was the need for me to ease up and play, regain my innocence, my flow, and my sensuousness.



As I watched them the phrase "Be like water" came into my head, and with it a story that I still need to write that basically tells of how a river longed to know itself on a deeper level, and so became embodied as an otter that it may swim through its own depths.



After all this happened, I received a text from a friend who was struggling with some personal challenge, but also being close to Jeshua mentioned that she would just have to give it to him to solve. Instantly I started texting her back, only it wasn't me. I mean I was pushing the buttons, but the voice coming through the words was not my own. I just kind of blissed out and as words flowed into my mind I typed them into my phone, finally sending it to my friend when it felt complete. After a bit she texted back a thank you. "Wasn't me." "Oh I know that voice very well."



Before I left for the actual ceremony, I was cleaning out my back-pack. As I reached into the bottom of the bag I felt something cold and smooth. "What the -?" I pulled out this beautiful green stone (Malachite I was told later). The thing is I don't remember ever getting it. I was sure I must have picked it up somewhere, but for the life of me I couldn't remember where. The different shades reminded me of deep forest, especially with the rings resembling those on a tree. This stone was special, so I tucked this little green miracle into my pocket.

It was finally time for the actual ritual, which took place at my shamanic teacher's home, a space that has become safe and magickal to me. I placed my stone on the altar, and we called in the directions. My teacher then drummed while my classmate and I lay on the floor with our shoulders, hips, and ankles touching -- the reference point for the journeyer, asking her guides for the soul parts for this person who I am connected to. The journey didn't last very long. I, and my two friends that came with me to hold space for me, were surprised, having been prepared for an hour or two, and I don't think it lasted 20 minutes. My classmate sat up then, and after rattling her deer-toes for a bit, blew the soul parts into my chest. Then she sat me up and blew them into the top of my head. She rattled around me, sealing the parts in, then, releasing the directions, we were done.

My classmate told me of the two parts she'd brought back. One was from when I was very young. And this was not the first time I'd heard this, but as a boy I experienced a "profound disappointment" because my life was not living up to the expectations I'd brought with me when I was born. Out of an almost boredom, that part of me left, but now it was back, bringing a renewed vigor and joyfulness for life. The second one was from my teen years, and centered around a relationship that either didn't happen, or went wrong. This would bring me the gift of confidence, and more ability to give and receive love in relationships.

It is highly recommended that you don't drive after a soul retrieval, so my friend, who had plenty of experience, having driven me home from my vision quest, drove me to her place. Even though I felt fine aside from a bit of spaciness, I thought it best to stay safe just in case. I spent the night on my friend's couch, although I'm not sure how much I actually slept. I tossed and turned all night, exhaustion wrestling with restlessness, and the next morning I woke feeling like I'd been hit by a Mack truck. No energy what-so-ever yet couldn't really sleep either. Finally I headed home, feeling alright to drive, and basically spent the rest of the day sleeping on my couch.

The next couple of nights were rough. I encountered the same restless tiredness, my body jerking awake as soon as I fell asleep. Sunday morning, as I was minding my own business, I suddenly saw Mother Mary hover back into my mind. She smiled at me and said, "Be not afraid. You walk on the path of angels." Still haven't figured out what she meant by that.

That night I slept better than I had previously. I think I actually woke up with a smile, and as I went to work that day, and that whole week, I was on a whole different level. Even at work nothing could touch me. I just wasn't in the same space as everyone else, feeling their world lapping up against my legs, like waves on a lake, and occassionally a big wave would hit but I would duck, it would momentarily wash over my head, and then I'd stand up, once again towering over it.

The next Saturday was my monthly shaman circle in Seattle. As I sat there I could hardly contain myself just buzzing with energy and wanting to bust out laughing. We began our talking circle and I grabbed the deer bone talking stick. I began relaying what I have reported above, and at one point I looked over and my teacher was crying. I couldn't help but tear up as well as I mouthed a silent 'thank you' to her. When I was done she explained to the rest of the circle that it had been like a triple graduation -- It was the first time she had taught a soul retrieval class, it was the first time one of her students had performed a soul retrieval, and it was the first time I'd received one.

What a gift, for a teacher to care that much. I was incredibly touched. And the integration of these soul parts, these parts of me that had checked out somewhere along the line for various reasons, has been an up and down process, but through it all there is a different feeling. No matter what emotion or situation I'm experiencing, there is a sense of wholeness. For the longest time I had found myself saying, sometimes outloud, that I should be able to handle whatever it was in front of me. It was like standing on one of those rickety bridges that you see in the movies, but where a board is missing right where you needed to put your foot in order to support your weight.

The board has been replaced, and I am standing again. My stance is stronger and more balanced. It can still get a bit shaky, but no matter how rough it gets I can no longer fall through.

Welcome home soul.