Otters, and Badgers, and Possums, Oh My!

Yesterday was my second psychic fair and, in some ways, it went better than the first. Not that money is the main factor, but it is a good measurement and, if you figure it by the hour, I made over twice the hourly wage I make at my day job. I am so grateful for this experience! I mean, to me it was literally "money for nothin'." I didn't do anything but clear my mind, step out of the way, and speak what flowed through me. I left, again feeling high on the energy of the day, actually feeling more invigorated than when I got there in the morning. "This!" I thought, "This is what it's suppose to feel like after your work day!"

It wasn't until I got home and was able to ground myself and process the day, that I felt the impact of something else that had happened that morning. And the way it affected me caught me totally by surprise.

There was a man there that showed up early in the day, whom I had met through mutual friends and seen at various events, and while I sat at my table he started talking to me. At first it was cordial and nothing out of the ordinary. Just general small talk on metaphysical topics. At some point he reached for my cards saying, "You don't mind if I look at these do you?" It felt a bit odd, a little presumptuous, but I didn't mind. When I do a reading I shuffle the cards first and then hand them to my client to shuffle, so it wasn't a territorial thing for me. But as he continued to speak, and leaf through my deck, I started feeling increasingly uncomfortable. I became a bit anxious, and self-conscious, and tense. I figured it was just me and I started judging myself for not being able to feel comfortable around everyone. You know -- the whole love thy neighbor thing. If I were really enlightened, wouldn't I be able to handle being around anyone and everyone?

Well, as it turns out, it wasn't just me. He started telling me things about myself, things that were not totally correct but colored by his own perspective and the circumstances. He told me I was good at hiding myself and that I wasn't who I pretended to be. That deep down I was actually very vicious, and viciously protective of myself. Me?! The thing is that, as he was spouting off about how unethical it is to 'read' somebody without permission (meaning purposely tuning in to their energy to learn things about them, etc --which is what a psychic or card reader does, with your permission, during a reading) he was reading me. I suddenly realized why I had been so uncomfortable and why my defenses were raised, but because I was unsure of myself -- not trusting these feelings -- I turned them against me. Lesson one: trust those feelings.

The next thing he did was lay down three cards (Otter, Badger, and Opossum), saying they were the only three that called to him about me as he was looking through my deck, and then proceeded to interpret them for me, again striking way off the mark. His main point was that each of these animals was vicious, even the otter when it's cornered -- and I ask what animal isn't?! Ignoring for the moment the total invasiveness, and disregard for any sense of ethics or integrity, his message itself was very narrow-minded, short-sighted, and an example of the 'Old Male', power-over, adversarial perspective of separation and duality.

Okay. And then there is the matter of invasively probing someone, digging for things, as well as the power thing -- it was like he was trying to prove himself, stepping, worthy or not, into the role of master/teacher and posturing himself into the Alpha Male position. I, for my part, on some level allowed this by, consciously or not, bowing to the fact that he'd been doing this kind of thing longer than me so "obviously" had greater experience and knowledge than me. Lesson two: No one is greater than me. I am equal to every one, no matter what their knowledge or experience, whether it be 'greater' or 'lesser' than my own.

Last night when all this came to the forefront of my mind and I saw what had happened, the emotional impact hit me full bore. I felt sick to my stomach. My throat was sore. My heart chakra was in pain. I felt used and invaded. As I sent an email to my Psychic Development teacher for support and advice on how to deal with and heal this, the tears were just rolling down my cheeks. The only word that fit my feelings was that I had been raped. That might sound a bit strong, but that's how I felt. And then I remembered something I had read years ago in the book Proud Spirit by Rosemary Altea:

"Ordinarily, when the word "rape" is mentioned, we automatically think of physical rape -- the rape of a child, the rape of a woman, which is a most terrifying and damaging experience, and which cannot be compared to any other act, for in this act there occurs a terrible violation not only of the body, but of the mind and spirit also. But the raping of the mind, which occurs frequently with so many of us, is not to be ignored or made less of for the lack of physical abuse. And the perpetrators of this act, not violent criminals but often ordinary and generally nice people, would no doubt throw up their hands in horror at the very idea that they could be termed rapists.

"But rapists they are, for any act which is designed to rob someone of self-worth, self-esteem, and confidence is an act of rape. And in this type of rape there are many willing victims -- people who already have little self-esteem, who do not value themselves, who feel that they deserve no better."

Lesson three: Never, ever, ever, ever, ever do this to anyone else!

What were his intentions? I don't know for sure. The only thing I know is how I feel. Everything I wrote here is how I perceived things -- not necessarily the intentions behind them, a judgement on this man, or the bigger picture. And I know what a good lesson this was -- yes, a gift. I now have first-hand experience as to how this feels, enabling me to be more compassionate with people in the future who have similar backgrounds. I also have the memory of this experience logged into my system so, should it ever happen again, and if I'm going to continue working psychic fairs it probably will, I will recognize the feelings before it even gets started and be able to stop the process.

There are no accidents, so I have to believe this happened for my higher good, and that I can only grow from it, and become stronger. I am not a victim. And it brings into bright focus the need for personal integrity in a field that has been rife with charlatans -- a field, in my eyes, whose main purpose is to empower each and every individual. If, as I believe, we are all truly One, then each step anyone takes toward their own fulfillment and true self can only benefit and raise the whole.

...And the cards he pulled?

Otter is about femininity, the strength of softness, rolling with the flow, sensuality, and unification. She is playfulness and joy. I know of no other animal that better fits the phrase "Be like water."

Badger is aggressiveness, yes, but in a grounded, focused, going-after-what-you-want sort of way. Cutting through the distractions to get to the heart of the matter.

Opossum is about acting, playing dead if necessary -- that this is a viable defense, in fact the "defenseless defense." To me she also brings into play the whole concept of "being in the world but not of it." Seeing beyond the drama, perhaps playing along for a bit, but seeing the bigger picture and knowing that it is just drama and not the ultimate reality.

And I think these three, very nicely, describe exactly what has just transpired over the course of this blog. I love these little synchronicities!